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Christian Parodies

I've been writing song parodies for as far back as I can remember (don't ask how far that is!). I think they've gotten good enough that others might enjoy hearing what I've come up with. So here we go. As of Feb 1, 2007, Mystic Tomato Studios is open for business, recording some of my songs. (The name comes from a Yu-Gi-Oh card I found on the ground one day.) Songs whose names are underlined are free for listening or downloading. The songs are arranged by original artist.

The recordings aren't about my guitar skills (which are strictly average) or my singing skills (which are even worse). They're about the words, which convey Biblical teachings in settings you will recognize. All lyrics are protected by default US copyrights. You are welcome to perform them live. Should you want to record them, we'll need a more formal arrangement.

Special thanks to:

  1. My wife, for the wondrous birthday gift of a Fostex MR-8 digital multitrack recorder.
  2. My best friend Ed, for the many parody ideas he's given me over the years.
  3. My other friend, Middie C. Quencer, for playing the drums, bass, and keyboards.
  4. ApologetiX, for showing me what a good Christian parody should sound like.
  5. God (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), for the talent He's given me, the desire to use it for Him, and the forgiveness and grace that both make me want to worship Him and enable me to do so.
Parodies
SongOriginal SongOriginal ArtistLyricsAdded
Pharisee WorldFantasy Girl.38 SpecialLyrics
Fasting QueenDancing QueenAbbaLyrics
If You're Gonna Play for BaptistsIf You're Gonna Play in TexasAlabamaLyricsDec 2021
Ransom ManRamblin' ManAllman Bros.Lyrics
Mister Golden PrayerSister Golden HairAmericaLyrics
Old ManSandmanAmericaLyrics
Read from the RomansHeat of the MomentAsiaLyricsSep 2011
SinfulWindyThe AssociationLyrics
Soul On the Right WayRoll On Down the HighwayBTOLyricsSep 2011
The LightTonightAlex BandLyricsDec 2010
Walk Like an EphesianWalk Like an EgyptianBanglesLyrics
Servin' You the SameSurfin' USABeach BoysLyricsNov 2010
Ton Ton TonFun Fun FunBeach BoysLyrics
Truth (of) John BSloop John BBeach BoysLyricsNov 2010
I Wanna Heal Your HandI Wanna Hold Your HandBeatlesLyricsNov 2010
Paul WordsI Am the WalrusBeatlesLyricsDec 2010
Samson's SongCome TogetherBeatlesLyrics
Master of Your LifeShadows of the NightPat BenatarLyrics
On God's WayOn BroadwayGeorge BensonLyricsJul 2011
Jonah Be GoodJohnny B. GoodeChuck BerryLyrics
Goys Will Be GoysBoys Will Be BoysBeyond PinkLyricsDec 2010
A Pair, AnnoyedParanoidBlack SabbathLyrics
God Willin'GodzillaBlue Oyster CultLyricsSep 2011
Lift It Up in PrayerLivin' On a PrayerBon JoviLyrics
The project: write parodies of all the songs on Boston's first album -- v
Go By Your FeelingsMore Than a FeelingBostonLyrics
See, Not BlindPeace of MindBostonLyrics
End TimesLong TimeBostonLyrics
Long NightLong TimeBostonLyrics
Our Canaan LandRock & Roll BandBostonLyrics
Smokin' CitiesSmokin'BostonLyrics
Is the Rich Alive?Hitch a RideBostonLyrics
Something About TruthSomething About YouBostonLyricsDec 2010
He Could Take You Home TonightLet Me Take You Home TonightBostonLyrics
The project: write parodies of all the songs on Boston's first album -- ^
Susa the CitySuffragette CityDavid BowieLyrics
Suffer, Not PrettySuffragette CityDavid BowieLyrics
Prayin' in the Boys' RoomSmokin' in the Boys' RoomBrownsville StationLyrics
Sheepherder Seein' ParadiseCheeseburger in ParadiseJimmy BuffettLyricsJan 2011
All I Can DoIt's All I Can DoThe CarsLyrics
Find God TonightNot TonightThe New CarsLyrics
Is Your Best Friend the World?Best Friend's GirlThe CarsLyrics
(Jesus) Just What I NeededJust What I NeededThe CarsLyrics
Let It GoLet's GoThe CarsLyricsJul 2011
Tonight He ComesTonight She ComesThe CarsLyrics
Wakin' UpShake It UpThe CarsLyrics
You Might ThankYou Might ThinkThe CarsLyricsJan 2011
Down By Four CornersDown On the CornerCCRLyricsJan 2011
It Came FreeFortunate SonCCRLyricsNov 2021
Open Up My Ark DoorLookin' Out My Back DoorCCRLyrics
Lurkin' Like You Are Lost BluesWorkin' At the Car Wash BluesJim CroceLyrics
You Don't Mess Around With SinYou Don't Mess Around With JimJim CroceLyricsAug 2012
Read In RevelationHe's A RebelCrystalsLyricsAug 2012
Ark of CovenantGrandma's Feather BedJohn DenverLyrics
Praise God I'm a Fundie BoyThank God I'm a Country BoyJohn DenverLyrics
Insultin' the KingSultans of SwingDire StraitsLyrics
TelevangelistsMoney for NothingDire StraitsLyrics
Way, Truth, and LifeWalk of LifeDire StraitsLyrics
The Good-Buy PearlGoodbye EarlDixie ChicksLyricsJul 2011
(Don't Be) Angry At the WorldHungry Like the WolfDuran DuranLyricsFeb 2012
Rainy-Day Evangelists #12 & 35Rainy-Day Women #12 & 35Bob DylanLyrics
Son ShinedSunshineJonathan EdwardsLyricsDec 2021
Signs & WondersSignsFive Man Electrical BandLyrics
(Love Your) Gomer, HoseaGo Your Own WayFleetwood MacLyrics
Blood CoveredHot BloodedForeignerLyrics
Double StandardDouble VisionForeignerLyrics
God Brought the LawI Fought the LawBobby Fuller FourLyricsAug 2012
Abba DadAbacabGenesisLyricsJul 2011
God Made the Bad Pool PureDon't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?Crystal GayleLyricsDec 2021
Hate StephenSt. StephenGrateful DeadLyricsSep 2011
I ThessaloniansSugar MagnoliaGrateful DeadLyrics
Return to MeSi Volvieras a MiJosh GrobanLyrics
He's a Child O MineSweet Child O MineGuns n RosesLyrics
City of Old SinsCity of New OrleansArlo GuthrieLyrics
He's AloneAloneHeartLyrics
DalmanuthaBarracudaHeartLyrics
Where Will You Run ToWho Will You Run ToHeartLyrics
Hey, JosephHey, JoeJimi HendrixLyrics
Mormons and the WatchtowerAll Along the WatchtowerJimi HendrixLyricsJan 2011
Sling ShotBig ShotBilly JoelLyricsSep 2011
Send the DaylightSaturday Night's All Right for FightingElton JohnLyrics
Devil, I'd Come Back to YouBaby I'll Come Back to YouJoey & RoryLyricsDec 2021
Don't Stop BelievingDon't Stop BelievingJourneyLyrics
Come Home Wayward SonCarry On Wayward SonKansasLyrics
Manna For YaMy SharonaThe KnackLyrics
ExcommunicatedComplicatedAvril LavigneLyrics
H8er GoiSk8er BoiAvril LavigneLyrics
Stare Away from HeavenStairway to HeavenLed ZeppelinLyricsNov 2010
I Got a New GodI Want a New DrugHuey Lewis & the NewsLyricsDec 2010
Saved From the FireGreat Balls of FireJerry Lee LewisLyricsDec 2021
The Sent One, the HeraldThe Wreck of the Edmund FitzgeraldGordon LightfootLyrics
E.C.T.Me & You & a Dog Named BooLoboLyrics
Free WordFree BirdLynyrd SkynyrdLyrics
Gimme Ten StepsGimme Three StepsLynyrd SkynyrdLyrics
He's Wholly BananasSweet Home AlabamaLynyrd SkynyrdLyrics
Samson & DelilahSan FranciscoScott MacKenzieLyricsNov 2012
JesusVincentDon McLeanLyrics
The Saga EndsAmerican PieDon McLeanLyrics
You Can't Get Out of HellBat Out of HellMeat LoafLyrics
I'm a DeceiverI'm a BelieverMonkeesLyrics
Love WordsLove HurtsNazarethLyrics
My Savior Is a RockMy Girlfriend Is a RockThe NervebreakersLyrics
True Light's SendingMoonlight ShadowMike OldfieldLyrics
Samaritan GirlAmerican GirlTom Petty & the HeartbreakersLyricsDec 2021
The HatingThe WaitingTom Petty & the HeartbreakersLyrics
It's a Turning AwayOn the Turning AwayPink FloydLyricsSep 2011
TithingMoneyPink FloydLyrics
Sav Lasav, Kav LakavDe Doo Doo DooPoliceLyricsNov 2010
Little MisterLittle SisterElvis PresleyLyricsNov 2010
Hopin' God Will SmileGangnam StylePSYLyricsNov 2012
Adonai CallHammer to FallQueenLyrics
Bethlehemian Rhapsody IIBohemian RhapsodyQueenLyrics
Jeremiah 3939QueenLyrics
Kill the QueenKiller QueenQueenLyrics
Parousia (the Rapture Song)Fat Bottomed GirlsQueenLyrics
They Wanted PaulI Want It AllQueenLyrics
Tie Yourself On DownTie Your Mother DownQueenLyrics
Try Another TownTie Your Mother DownQueenLyrics
We Will Stone YouWe Will Rock YouQueenLyrics
Peter Is A Small-Rocker NowSheena Is A Punk Rocker NowRamonesLyrics
TransubstantiatedI Wanna Be SedatedRamonesLyrics
Signin' My Life AwayDrivin' My Life AwayEddie RabbitLyrics
Now, JudahBrown SugarRolling StonesLyricsNov 2010
Sadducee FactionSatisfactionRolling StonesLyricsJun 2022
I'll Pray For YouI'll Play For YouSeals & CroftsLyrics
No Ocean Will Be FineLove Potion #9SearchersLyricsNov 2010
If the World Is Your ownA World of Our OwnSeekersLyricsAug 2012
Backslidin' AwaySlipslidin' AwayPaul SimonLyricsDec 2010
I'd Rather Have My ChristEl Condor Pasa (If I Could)Simon & GarfunkelLyrics
The ProdigalThe BoxerSimon & GarfunkelLyrics
Dancing With the ArkDancing In the DarkBruce SpringsteenLyrics
Cheap Salvation BluesExistential BluesTom T-Bone StancusLyrics
No No SongNo-No SongRingo StarrLyricsSep 2011
Pharaoh Said "No"No No SongRingo StarrLyricsAug 2012
A Race Unfit for HeavenThe Class of '57Statler BrothersLyricsDec 2021
Reelin' From Your FearsReelin' In the YearsSteely DanLyrics
Sins Sent from GovernmentIncense & PeppermintsStrawberry Alarm ClockLyrics
Theological SongThe Logical SongSupertrampLyricsSep 2011
Frogs Aren't Much FunFox On the RunSweetLyricsDec 2021
Movin' On OverMove It On OverGeorge ThorogoodLyricsJul 2011
Child KingWild ThingThe TroggsLyrics
That Don't Impress God MuchThat Don't Impress Me MuchShania TwainLyrics
Extreme LoveDreamsVan HalenLyrics
Dead WorksDead SkunkLoudon Wainwright IIILyrics
Through Blinded EyesBehind Blue EyesThe WhoLyrics
Won't Play Fools AgainWon't Get Fooled AgainThe WhoLyricsDec 2021
Err to Be StupidDare to Be StupidWeird Al YancovicLyrics
God's LoveGood Lovin'Young RascalsLyrics
Genesis 25:25In the Year 2525Zager & EvansLyrics
— Show Tunes
Who Is Like the Lord?Time to Say GoodbyeAndrea BocelliLyricsDec 2021
Joyful, Joyful, We Bravely Adore TheeTouch the SkyBraveLyricsDec 2021
CreationTraditionFiddler on the RoofLyrics
Let Them GrowLet It GoFrozenLyricsDec 2021
Do You Hear God's People Sing?Can You Hear the People Sing?Les MiserablesLyricsDec 2021
Never Dine with a PhilistineNever Smile at a CrocodilePeter Pan (Disney)LyricsDec 2021
I Am the Very Model of a Modern FundamentalistI Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-GeneralPirates of PenzanceLyrics
51 Names of JesusI Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-GeneralPirates of PenzanceLyrics
Jesus Changes EverythingLove Changes EverythingStarlight ExpressLyricsDec 2021
Great Is Your FaithfulnessI See the LightTangledLyricsDec 2021
A Wonder, GodUnderdog themeUnderdogLyricsNov 2012
The Promised LandAmericaWest Side StoryLyricsJan 2011
— Traditional Tunes
John, Barely FormedJohn BarleycorntraditionalLyricsSep 2011
Good King SaulGood King WenceslausJohn M NealeLyricsFeb 2022
His Stars & Stripes ForeverStars & Stripes ForeverJ. P. SousaLyricsDec 2021
The King's MarchKing CottonJ. P. SousaLyricsDec 2021
Rocky TypeRocky TopBoudleaux & Felice BryantLyricsDec 2021
The Seven Days of CreationThe Twelve Days of ChristmasunknownLyrics
The Unjust JudgeB-I-N-G-OtraditionalLyricsDec 2021
The Savior-ManThe WellermantraditionalLyricsDec 2021
Up On the RooftopUp on the HousetopBenjamin HanbyLyricsDec 2021
We Three Kings of Israel AreWe Three KingsJohn H HopkinsLyricsFeb 2022


Pharisee World

(parody of "Fantasy Girl" by .38 Special)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Paul's conversion is a theme I keep coming back to. It's one of the most pivotal, dramatic moments in the book of Acts. God sure knows how to set up a scene, doesn't He?

Once I was learning rules and was burning with zeal, that was me.
A childhood conclusion, more a delusion that God would be pleased.
And when Steve died, I stood watching and held all their robes and agreed.

Me and my Pharisee world. Gamaliel and me,
And my Pharisee world. Great I would be.

Christians were fair game and I'd snare them and treat 'em real rough.
Consent I was askin' to go to Damascus and round them all up.
To my blind eyes, came a vision of Jesus, a message for me --

Flee from my Pharisee world. Greater is He
Than my Pharisee world. Christ set me free.
No more Pharisee!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! In my mind's eye, there's a vision of Heaven and how it will be.
Free from my Pharisee world, from my Pharisee world.

Free from my Pharisee world. Faith is the key
From my Pharisee world. Christ set me free.


Fasting Queen

(parody of "Dancing Queen" by Abba)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: a song about an underage girl who teases boys to "leave them burning" is crying out for some better words. This one is about Queen Esther.

Take a chance, you could die, or you could save all our lives.
Be that girl, the one we need, bein' the fasting queen.

Full of fright and your life might go.
Looking out for your people, though.
Will Haman kill the Jews if, hate is in full swing?
You need to move toward the king.

Everybody knows you might die.
Uncle says that you have to try.
God will save all the Jews if, you will not be tryin'.
You're not the queen by chance.
You need to take a stand.

Chorus:
You are the fasting queen, pray, don't eat, God will intervene.
Fasting queen, see the need, break the king's routine.
You can ask Mordechai — "That's why you are the king's wife."
Be that girl, the one we need, bein' the fasting queen.

If you please him, he'll bring you on.
If it's turning out bad, you're gone.
Looking out for your brothers, no one else will do.
You're not the queen by chance.
Are there some higher plans?

chorus
Bein' the fasting queen.


If You're Gonna Play for Baptists

(parody of "If You're Gonna Play in Texas" by Alabama)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one is strictly for fun. As a former member of an uber-fundie Baptist church where any instruments other than the piano were frowned upon, I just have to pull the chain of that kind of thinking. Just a little.

Chorus:
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, you gotta know which instruments are banned.
That loud guitar is not what the worship leader went and planned.
So put away that synth, you’re gonna play the good old grand pian’.
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, if drums are in the middle, they’ll be canned.

I remember back last Sunday, we were playing, not too slow,
When a deacon stood and yelled, “O Love that Will Not Let Me Go!”
He said, “This noise is your undoing; in church, it don’t belong.
“You’re supposed to honor Jesus with your song.”

Chorus:
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, you gotta know which instruments are banned.
That loud guitar is not what the worship leader went and planned.
So put away that synth, you’re gonna play the good old grand pian’.
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, they’ll give you an acquittal if you’re bland.

So we turned our amps to 2 and then we gave in to our fate.
Them Baptists didn’t raise their hands, but still they couldn’t wait.
You say we made a misstep, you want hymns that you know?
Well, here’s a worship song from long ago:

(a cappella, dismally, at half-tempo)
What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul?
(resume tempo and instruments)
What wondrous love is this, O my soul?

Chorus:
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, you gotta know which instruments are banned.
That loud guitar is not what God desires, and it offends.
The Psalms and prophets all say “praise Him loud,” but we’ll pretend.
If you play too loud or faster, you’re gonna get a little reprimand.

(solo)

Chorus:
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, you’ll maybe get a little out of hand.
That loud guitar is not what offends God, but laws of man.
So strum that six-string, pound the keys and turn your amps to 10.
If you’re gonna play for Baptists, you’ll maybe get a little out of hand.

(solo, repeat & fade)


Ransom Man

(parody of "Ramblin' Man" by Allman Brothers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was one of the easier parodies I've written; the rhymes came easily without having to compromise the message, which is eternal and universal.

chorus:
The Lord, He was born a Ransom Man,
Dyin' and forgivin' and doin' the master plan.
There's no time for grievin', because He rose again,
For He was born a Ransom Man.

The Father sent His Son to be Messiah.
He wound up on a cross 'til it was done.
But I was born on the wrong side of the human race,
Running a life that can't be won.

chorus:
Lord, I was born a bad sin man,
Tryin' to get to Heaven by doin' the best I can.
But no more disbelievin', 'cause now I understand,
And I'm reborn, a ransomed man.

I'm on my way to new life by rebornin',
Believing all of John three, verse sixteen.
There's more ways of havin' a good time that don't pull away from the Lord;
No more way to link the world and me.

chorus:
Oh, don't you scorn the Ransom Man.
Tryin' to get to Heaven is losin' — I know you can't.
Before it's time for leavin', I hope you take His hand,
And be reborn, a ransomed man.

The Lord, He was born a Ransom Man.
Lord, I was born a bad sin man.
Oh, I'm reborn, a ransomed man.
Oh, don't you scorn the Ransom Man.


Mister Golden Prayer

(parody of "Sister Golden Hair" by America)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: The prayer of Jabez, hidden away among the endless genealogies in I Chronicles, has gotten a lot of attention. How many people have noticed that it was a very selfish prayer? All he wanted was more land and an easy life. I have to believe that God wants more from our prayers than that.

Well, he prayed for blessing one day, with more land in east and west,
And a safe life he was hunting, that was all of his request.
You can read it in the Bible, First Chron 4 just past verse 9.
It was one man, Jabez, he dropped God a line.

People keep on talkin' 'bout you, Mister Golden Prayer — surprised?
But I really have to doubt you think that that's a prayer God prized.
You've been one poor intercessor, you've been too, too world-inclined,
'Cause I think you're bein' selfish, not divine.

Chorus:
Will you meet God in the middle, will you meet with Him in prayer?
Will you talk to Him so it'll show you love to be His heir?
Don't you dare mistake it, I hope you're prayin' for Jesus' sake, yeah

intro (spoken): Now Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, "Oh that You would bless me indeed and enlarge my border, and that Your hand might be with me, and that You would keep me from harm that it may not pain me!" And God granted him what he requested.

Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout your prayer and all that it implies,
That you prayed and had no doubting — I can see that's very wise.
You had prayer as correspondence, and the Lord, He was too kind,
But that doesn't mean it's what He had in mind.

chorus

repeat 4 times & end:
Oo-be-dop doo-wop, oo-be-dop doo-wop, oo-be-dop doo-wop, oo-be-dop doo-wop
What is prayer for?


Old Man

(parody of "Sandman" by America)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was the first parody I wrote in what I called the "Doctrine Rock" series, which eventually became the band known as "Doktryn." My friend Ed and I, both rhythm guitarists who can't sing - some band. But we had fun, and the song isn't bad.

Devil's tempting outside. Scripture says we must resist him.
But there's passions inside. Did you think that you had missed them?

Funny, God's on high, the Spirit's here.
Why do we fight greed and lust and fear?

Chorus:
'Cause I understand you've been running from the man
Who goes by the name of the Old Man.
He makes you cry, makes you want to run and die
With the habits that you've abandoned.

He knows all your old ways, sins you thought that you had ended.
Seek your Lord for power and pray, and be sure that you've repented.

Funny, God's on high, the Spirit's here.
Why do we fight greed and lust and fear?

chorus


Read from the Romans

(parody of "Heat of the Moment" by Asia)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I really, really like the way this one turned out; these might be the best lyrics I've written all year. I can't say I'm the first person to set the Romans Road to music (ApologetiX did it with their parody of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock & Roll"), but I'll put this version against anyone else's.

There's nothing righteous we could ever do.
That's what it says in Romans, and it's true.
3:23 says we are far from grace.
We all have sinned, we're miles from our God's face.

6:23 says death's our recompense
From many sins we sowed at our expense.
Eternal life's a gift from God the Son,
Though none is righteous, no, not even one.

Chorus:
We got to read from the Romans,
Showing us where Paul's heart went.
To read from the Romans, how to get wise.

Because we find no Christ in empty tomb,
The devil's hot spot has no harm for you.
5:8, discern God's love through all our sins
Because He hurt and died, the Savior King.

We got to read from the Romans,
Seek not for omens.
To read from the Romans, truth and no lies.

keyboard solo

In 10:13, we call upon the Son
And He'll forgive us, all we've ever done.
Believe He rose and call His name yourself.
That was His mission — you, to save from Hell.

We got to read from the Romans.
That is why Jesus got sent.
Read from the Romans, your soul will survive.

We got to read from the Romans,
Be freed from the torment.
Read from the Romans, someday you'll rise. solo – like 4 choruses


Sinful

(parody of "Windy" by The Association)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: My friend Ed started to write a parody on this song, with the theme "Everyone knows it's Jesus." It wasn't bad, but it wasn't finished. So I shamelessly stole the song and made my own version, based on one of my spiritual pet peeves.

Who's picking grains of corn on the Sabbath,
Rolled in their hands and making a meal?
Who's doing work when Moses said not to?
Everyone knows it's sinful!

Who used the "day of rest" to do healing,
Men's shriveled hands and women bent o'er?
Who told a man to carry his mattress?
Everyone knows it's sinful!

Chorus:
The Pharisees and the scribes,
They studied and they're so wise.
They're fasting with saddened eyes
So all will know (so all will know) their fast will show (their fast will show)

flute solo

Who likes a song with drums and guitars now?
Who told his wife it's fine to wear pants?
Whose Bible isn't 1611?
Everyone knows it's sinful!

Chorus:
The Pharisees and the scribes
Are wearing their suits and ties
And preaching the same old lies
That Jesus found (that Jesus found), they're all around (they're all around)

Who tears apart a church with their teaching?
Who's full of pride and doctrines of man?
Who thinks it's good dividing believers?
That's what is really sinful!


Soul On the Right Way

(parody of "Roll On Down the Highway" by BTO)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this song is a source of vexation to me. Someone I know suggested that I write a parody about it, and once I did, I couldn't remember who had asked for it! I still can't remember. It's a useful warning to people who delay their decision to get saved, but if you're reading this and you're the one who asked me to write it, could you please tell me?

You're ready to flunk 'cause your sin is a load,
Looking for a long and fine abode.
You've been entrapped, I think you're sinning some more.
Try to adore the holy Lord.

Not a reborner? Look, your heart isn't right.
You don't need no slick religion seekin' the Light.
First and Last, oh be wise and see.
Mind what you're hearin', all hallowed is He.

Chorus:
Get your soul on the right way.
Get your soul on the right way.
Your soul!

Christ paid the price, for sin there's all grace.
Make your choice, and make Heaven your place.
In 4 in verse 4, Luke said how to be filled.
The Lord's in control, but He's given free will.

Your life's real short, you know your misdeeds are wrong.
The Christ can pay your debt, but that's not how you're drawn.
Once you're on the slab, cross can't help you, you're stuck.
You're gonna be losin' if you leave it up to luck.

chorus


The Light

(parody of "Tonight" by Alex Band)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this song didn't get a huge amount of airplay. But it was in the rotation of music videos at the food court of a mall where I met the other members of our US Census team every week in the spring of 2010, so I saw it a lot and it got into my memory. I wrote this in December of 2010, which makes it the newest song I've ever done.

This parody is unusual in that I didn't let the concept come to me based on rhymes that sounded good, but set out in advance to make a particular point. The original song's video had to do with vampires, which are irredeemably evil. So I chose to write my version about someone who thinks he's done too much evil to be forgiven.

Well, you've lied a time or two. You had a chance but postponed,
And your doom is fully due. You've done wrong, and you know.

So you think "God, the ever wise can't forgive me now, I've tried."
But will you listen when you hear? I said,
"I can tell you true; don't you be fooled, He's calling you."

Chorus:
The Light is calling 'cause He wants you.
(He) knows you, He'll forgive you anything;
There's no wrong you can't bring
(To) the Light. Get the Truth before you're older.
You'll fall to where you'll never get it right,
If you won't just say, "I want You,

(To) the Light." Get right.

You don't know why - it's a mystery, why He would ever set you free.
But don't you mock 'cause it's true, and I'm pointing you to
The Holy One I know. His love will ever overflow.

chorus

The Light, the Light. Your world could fall today.
It's true, no lie; believe your debt is paid (by) the Light.

1st 2 lines of chorus, quietly
solo: like first 3 lines of chorus
lines 4-6 of chorus
lines 4-6 of chorus; solo over lines 4-5

The Light.


Walk Like an Ephesian

(parody of "Walk Like an Egyptian" by the Bangles)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I stole this one from my friend Ed as well; he started to parody it, then I ran away with it. (He's a very tolerant friend.) I started it as "don't walk like a Galatian," but "Ephesian" was closer to a rhyme, and that gave me the song's theme. It's one of my "SongBooks" because it goes through the main themes of Ephesians.

Paul to the old saints, God's peace to you.
Chose us in advance, don't you know.
In Him we were picked (oh-way-oh)
So all of His grace He could bestow.

Since you've loved all men for quite a while,
Paul will always pray and not forget.
Jesus, undefiled (oh-way-oh),
Lord of all and we are in His debt.

Got a gripe with the worldly tripe? Say hey, no-way-oh, hey no-way-oh
Walk like an Ephesian.

We are saved through faith and by grace, not by the works we'd trust before.
Let your faith improve (oh-way-oh) so you won't be childish anymore.
Want to know God's will? Then read the book - be honest, don't steal, work with your hands.
Do a psalm/hymn sing (oh-way-oh), you're walking like an Ephesian.

No impurity, not a trace, say hey, no-way-oh, hey no-way-oh
Walk like an Ephesian.

Skip the games they play when night is black. Let the light show all the truth they lack.
Times are bad, you know (oh-way-oh). Redeem your time, can't get it back.
If you want help for moms and pops, this will keep you from a belly-flop:
Just obey your man (oh-way-oh), love your wife and don't you ever stop.
Serve your masters, please, fully then - you're working for God and not for men.
Masters need to know (oh-way-oh), be kind and do not threaten them.

Wear the armor, don't be unarmed, say hey, no-way-oh, hey no-way-oh
Walk like an Ephesian.


Servin' You the Same

(parody of "Surfin' USA" by the Beach Boys)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: When I first wrote this, I took a few lyrical shortcuts for the sake of the parody. I'm thankful to Jim Van Fossen for pointing out that my original words made me sound like a Universalist, which I am not; I quickly made some changes for the sake of the truth. And yes, I know that the plural of "Presbyterian" is "Presbyterians," but the Latin plural makes a better rhyme.

If everybody had a passion, just like the Bible say,
Then everybody'd be servin', the only God, Yahweh.
He'd be preparing the Baptists, and Pentecostals too,
A pushy pushy JW, servin' you the same.

Chorus:
You'd catch 'em servin' — the Mormons, and Presbyterii,
Charismatic and Lutheran, the Buddhist and Baha'i,
All of Unitarians, the humanists and Jains.
Everybody's gone servin', servin' You the same.

We won't be having a dispute, with shamans and Hindus,
With Orthodox or Shinto — we can't wait for Jews.
Will it be long for the Muslims? Will the agnostics pray?
Tell the preachers, "Get servin', servin' Him the same."

Chorus:
But atheists and swamis, some never will obey.
When Messiah, the Son comes, He'll have a judgement day.
All over the world, now, we'll bow the knee and praise.
Every brother's gonna serve Him, servin' You the same.

Every brother's gonna serve Him, servin' You the same.
Every brother's gonna serve Him, servin' You the same.
Every brother's gonna serve Him, servin' You the same.

Counterpoint for each line of the choruses:
Be wise, get right, do the same


Ton, Ton, Ton

(parody of "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: it surprizes me that it took me so long to come up with a Beach Boys parody, since I know so many of their songs from way back. ApologetiX gets a double shout-out for this one, since their songs put both the melody ("John 1:1") and the subject ("Plump") in my head.

Now, the Hebrews were conquered by Moab — it was in God's plan, now.
And they got the whole land, eighteen years, down from Judah to Dan, now.
You were the king, name of Eglon, and you were a really great big man, now.
You weighed a ton, ton, ton, you were bad and took their freedom away.

You know the Jews had it coming 'cause they didn't keep God in first place, now.
(Was God in His place, now, was God in His place?)
They all were into those idols, and their worship was a total disgrace, now.
(A total disgrace, now, a total disgrace)
But with the Moabites oppressing, they repented and were seeking His face, now.
(And seeking His face, now, and seeking His face)
You weighed a ton, ton, ton, you were bad and took their freedom away.

You should have known all along that the Lord was only using you, now.
(You're on the wrong side, now, you're on the wrong side)
And when they begged Him, "Set us free," were you thinking that His payment was due now?
(You're on the wrong side, now, you're on the wrong side)
He raised a judge up, name of Ehud, he took a knife and ran you through, now.
(You're on the wrong side, now, you're on the wrong side)
You weighed a ton, ton, ton, you were bad and took their freedom away.


Truth (of) John B

(parody of "Sloop John B" by the Beach Boys)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: it was one of those slow days at work, when my mind wandered towards musical things. By the time the mental dust settled the next day, I'd written parodies by the "Big Three" bands of the sixties — this song, "I Wanna Heal Your Hand" from the Beatles, and "Now, Judah" from the Rolling Stones. The life of John the Baptist is a theme to which I keep returning.

We came for the truth (of) John B, my Andrew and me.
Around the Jordan plain was his home.
Think he'll baptize, the ones who get right.
"Oh, be healed and look up, repent and know home."

Chorus:
The voice of the John B says, "Speak in the wilderness.
"Tell them to turn to the Lord, repent and know home.
"If you'd be His own, you have to serve Him alone, Yahweh,
"He's revealed, so look up, repent and know home."

His first job, he didn't flunk. The Lord came, and then got dunked.
The Comforter, like a dove, He came on that day.
"Lamb of God's known. Why won't you turn to God's Son? (He saves.)
"God is here, so look up, repent and know home."

chorus

A fool king married his sis, and John did say, "Don't do this."
When they took off his head, his followers mourned.
John B went home. His work is still being done.
He did the first dip, it's ever goin' on.

chorus


I Wanna Heal Your Hand

(parody of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: The incident when Christ healed the man's withered hand is one of the few cases in Scripture where Jesus got angry. The legalism and hard-heartedness of the Pharisees, who opposed the healing because it was done on the Sabbath, drew a reaction from the Son of Man that shows that even He, as full of love as He was, was also God the Son and was capable of wrath. Someday, that same wrath will condemn all who have not placed their full faith in Him alone. Don't be like the Pharisees — read God's word and believe it, no matter what your religious tradition says.

Oh, yeah, I'll show you something, we're in the Holy Land.
And I'll show you something, I wanna heal your hand.
I won't withhold God's plan, I wanna heal your hand.

Go see, in Mark 3, and Matthew 12 as planned.
You'll see Pharisees — "You shouldn't heal his hand!"
They tried to scold this man, because I'll heal your hand.

And when they watched you, they felt angry inside
Cause it's the Sabbath and their law's misapplied, misapplied, misapplied.

Yeah they're knowing nothing, they just don't understand
When I say the Sabbath is good for healing hands.
Go and unfold your hand, I wanna heal your hand.

It should have touched them; I felt angry inside.
I came to free them but their heart's full of pride, full of pride, full of pride.

Yeah, truth showed them nothing. It was the Lord's command
When I showed them something, I went and healed your hand.
Their faith is old and bland, and they misunderstand,
Because I healed your hand.


I Write the Paul Words

(parody of "I Am the Walrus" by the Beatles)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: it was a slow day at work, I was bored out of my mind from reading tedious on-line manuals, and my brain needed a break. What to do? I know! I'll write a parody of one of the weirdest songs ever recorded! And it will join my list of SongBooks, parodies that sum up the major themes of an entire book of the Bible — in this case, the Book of Galatians. I had to lean on my rhyming dictionary real hard, but I think it came out quite well.

I am he who said, "Grace be, to you and peace, to churches in Galatia."
Sent, not for fun, but just by the One true God and Christ undying.

Someone did a truth-fake? Let 'em be condemned and done.
Revelation convert, stupid but He chose me.
Man, you like a spotty joy, you left His grace — so wrong.
I'm a remade man, you are mistaken,
I write the Paul words. You knew the truth!

It's a pity Pete-man's hypocritical appease-man, told him so.
I'm crucified, my life is now in Christ; to law I'm done.
Not lying. Done trying, relying on my King.

Tell me why you suffered? Was it just a dead-works lie?
Acting like bewitched, but faithful counted righteous.
Boy, I think your haughty works will make you wicked proud.
I'm a remade man, you are mistaken,
I write the Paul words. You knew the truth!

If there is a finished law, then why'd we need the Son?
But the Son has come and now the plan is, "Stand in Him and live by faith."
I'm a remade man, you are mistaken,
I write the Paul words. You knew the truth! You knew the truth!

I'm perplexed for broken folks and
Don't you think I spoke His life to you? ("Don't you know, He He He rose again?")
See, you're a child; it's Ishmael or Isaac — now decide. Deciding...

That's a little picture, pointing you to life and power.
They can make impression, say "Be circumcised," but,
Man, I've been redeemed, the cross of Christ is all I'll boast.
I'm a remade man, you are mistaken,
I write the Paul words. You knew the truth! You knew the truth!
You knew the truth, and you knew the truth, the truth. Truly, truly, truly!

repeat w/ weird fade-out noises. Low voices chant:
Love joy peace and patience kindness goodness,
Fruit of Spirit, there's no law against it.
Faithfulness and gentleness and temp'rance,
Fruit of Spirit, there's no law against it.

High voices chant:
Everybody repent! Everybody repent! Everybody repent! Everybody repent!


Samson's Song

(parody of "Come Together" by the Beatles)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Samson might be among the most tragic characters in the Bible. He could have made a huge difference among his fellow Israelites, but his weakness for women ruined his ministry time after time. I started writing this because a co-worker challenged me to make a parody on this song; when he got laid off, the song was 1/3 done and I forgot it for months. When I finally rediscovered my hand-written notes at the bottom of my lunch cooler, it took less than a day to finish.

Here come old Samson, he come growing up slowly
He got wandering eyeball, he no holy follower
He got hair down to his knee
Ought to be a judge but he just do what he please

He tear up lion, he not tell his family
He got honey finger on his way to nuptials
He say, "I ask you, you tell me."
Only way they tell him is from his bride-to-be

Tied together, fox fires, in the fields.

With bad destruction, he use donkey jawbone
He not learn no lesson, he want gal Delilah
She got deep down to know he's weak
Cutting off his long hair, didn't feel his strength cease

Come and sever, eyes now, 'cause of she.

No Holy Ghoster, he ignored the warnings
No chase pagan daughters, he God's heavy hitter.
He say, "One more time, just once for me."
Got to lean on pillars 'cause he's tired and can't see.

Fall together, all gone, end of he.


Master of Your Life

(parody of "Shadows of the Night" by Pat Benatar)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: if you want to come to Jesus, His gift of salvation is free. If you want to please Him, then coming to Him is the start, but then you need to obey Him.

intro: chorus a cappella

You said you heard you're a free bird
And you keep your life for yourself.
He said He'll provide if you kill pride
All the way with no regret.
(He) ransomed your life, so maybe stay on track,
'Cause He saved you for Himself.

Chorus:
You're running from the Master of your life.
Just let Him take command and make things right.
It's never what it seems — seek Him and find
He is truly your friend.

I know that sometimes, you feel like
You're not moving from your past.
Don't tell Him goodbye, you have to rely
On the Lord, the first and last.
Is your life rough, baby? He invites,
If you want to be pleasing, come make it right.

chorus
solo (like a verse)
chorus

And now His hand's desiring your free will
Will you change your ways for His goodwill?

chorus x3
solo (like a chorus) repeat & fade


On God's Way

(parody of "On Broadway" by George Benson)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this parody started off as not much more than a mental hiccup; the title occurred to me, so I started writing rhymes, just to see how far it would go. To my surprise, it morphed into saying some important things.

They say there's freedom and there's light on God's way.
He said that I can trust and cast my cares.
His Word is talkin', it's complete,
It is a lamp unto my feet.
I know He hears me when I come in prayer.

They say the livin' is divine on God's way (on God's way).
But look — there's just one way. We have to choose.
'Cause in Ephesians, two eight-nine,
Your works cannot win His new wine.
It's grace by faith; I hope you won't refuse.

They said I wouldn't last too long on God's way (on God's way).
I'd want to play and bust it wrong, and fall away.
But they are wrong, I know they are,
'Cause I can pray both near and far,
And I won't quit my Morning Star on God's way.


Jonah Be Good

(parody of "Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Writing this one was like shooting fish in a barrel. The subject came easily, the rhymes came easily. I just wish I could play it on guitar that easily. This is one of my "SongBooks" that goes through the main themes of an entire book of the Bible.

There was a guy named Jonah down in Israel's scene.
The Lord sent him to Nineveh to intervene.
But Jonah took an attitude and said he would-
-n't do the things that God the Father said that he should.
He'd rather see the Ninevites all go to hell,
So he headed for Tarshish and he said fare-thee-well.

Chorus:
Oh, go! Go, Jonah, go.
Go! Go, Jonah, Lord said so.
No, Jonah, no. Oh, go! Go, Jonah, go.
Please go! Jonah be good.

He found himself a boat that wasn't coming back.
He went below the decks and then he hit the sack.
A storm was blowing hard, the sailors were afraid,
But Jonah said, "Dispose of me and you'll be saved."
A fish, it came and swallowed him three nights and days,
With nothing left to do except to cry and pray.

chorus
solo - like 2 verses

The fish had indigestion, left him on dry land.
He went to Nineveh and prophesied, "The end!"
Then everyone repented, from the king on down,
But Jonah, he was mad that God had spared the town.
God said, "I had mercy 'cause they were contrite.
"Quit your attitude and get right!"

chorus


Goys Will Be Goys

(parody of "Boys Will Be Boys" by Beyond Pink)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: not many people will recognize the original for this one; it may have gotten more notice in a Barbie-doll music video than by the original artist. The parody is strictly for fun, and describes how a Jewish believer in the early church might have felt as the Gentile believers grew in numbers. I confess, I can't help pogo'ing all over the room while it's playing.

Did you ever wonder how,
How a goy can turn Jews around?
Well, his behavior gives offense
Until he's gonna see, the day that he repents.

Goys have some ways that are strange.
When they're saved, you're gonna see a change.
Their idea of how it's done,
They'll soon be flinging off when they're in the Son.

Chorus 1:
Goys will be goys! The Law, they're not obeying.
Goys will be goys! They don't keep our rules.
The stuff that they enjoy, is gonna keep me praying.
Goys will be goys, will be goys, will be goys!

Some goys in Acts 15,
They liked idols and strangled meat.
They heard the Law in all its glories,
But they really cared for food that was gory.

But then they made some amends.
I just had to be content.
Can I believe how much they changed?
I think the goys have read a note from James.

chorus 1

Chorus 2:
Goys will be goys! They're gonna make you stumble.
Goys will be goys! But oddly enough,
They're saved and jump for joy, then they're getting humble.
Goys will be goys, will be goys, will be goys!

spoken:
Now listen up, all you Jewish girls and boys!
You'd get a doc, round the clock, circumcise the goys!
The law that you employ, is not their precious pearl,
So the gospel isn't tardy — let 'em take it 'round the world!

Chorus 3:
Goys will be goys! La da, la la.
Goys will be goys! La da, la da, la la la.
It's grace that God employs, La da, la la.
Goys will be goys, will be goys, will be goys!

repeat chorus 3 & fade


A Pair, Annoyed

(parody of "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: in the events of Genesis 34, there is just about no righteousness to be found among any of the people mentioned. It's not about good guys and bad guys; it's about bad guys and worse guys. This is not a teaching song, it's a warning song — don't do what any of these people did.

Ravished up our woman 'cause Shechem, he had hots for our Dinah.
Then he did what's insane, asked Hamor to get her for his wife.

All day long, we mourned this thing because it wasn't sanctified.
Think that me and Levi, we will find some way to make it right.

Yeah, he'll help me. Jacob just said wait. Oh, yeah.

Go see Genesis thirty-four, Shechem's not in his right mind.
He thinks he can pay and take our only sister and be fine.

When they spoke, then I was sly and said, "You have to circumcise."
They thought "Yes, it's such a deal, their stuff will be like ours for real."

And as soon as this occurred, we took our swords into their gate.
Me and Levi took their lives, our sister will not be his mate.


God Willin'

(parody of "Godzilla" by Blue Oyster Cult)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one is all about James 4:13-17, a warning to people who think they control their own destinies. It's also my latest attempt to win my own "What is the least likely song to make into a Christian parody?" contest.

We can purpose our business but we've generally found
He pulls our silly pretensions right down.

Clueless people say "We'll get gain,"
Seek not God as He looks down on them.

You kick up a fuss 'cause you're going to town.
You're a vapor that's flitting if you're wanting a crown.

Chorus:
Oh, no, don't say "We're going to go." Just say "God willin.'"
Oh, no, don't you brag and boast. Just say "God willin.'"

solo (like intro)

chorus:
Oh, no, you're here and then you go. Just say "God willin.'"
Tomorrow, your life could be toast. Just say "God willin.'"

tacet - bass solo
God willin'! God willin'! (echo/pan effects)

spoken: "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a while and then vanishes."

chorus:
Oh, no, you wanna earn some dough? Just say "God willin.'"
Oh, no, the future you don't know. Just say "God willin.'"

intro

Scripture has shown that anyone, then,
Who knows something good and doesn't has sinned. (God willin'!)
x4


Lift It Up in Prayer

(parody of "Livin' On a Prayer" by Bon Jovi)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this long before I was exposed to ApologetiX. I'd pay to hear it sung by someone with a real singing voice.

Jenny has no time to pray.
She'll make it on her own, without God's help today.
That's not the way.
Prayer is not a choice we make.
Jesus said to come; refusing Him's a mistake —
Too much at stake.

You shouldn't hold on to all that stuff.
It doesn't really matter if it's easy or tough.
You've got God's promise and that's enough
To pray, with faith, hope and love.

Chorus:
Oh, He's always there.
Ohh-oh! Lift it up in prayer.
In God's hands, you can cast your cares.
Ohh-oh! Lift it up in prayer.

Johnny wants a new car now.
He orders God around, and calls it "word of faith" somehow.
He'll get let down.
Prayer is not a spell you can cast.
You cannot twist the arm of the Almighty First and Last,
But humbly ask.

You shouldn't hold on to all that stuff.
It doesn't really matter if it's easy or tough.
You've got God's promise and that's enough
To pray, with faith, hope and love.

chorus

You got to call out in Jesus' name,
Ask daily bread, set your spirit aflame.

chorus


Go By Your Feelings

(parody of "More Than a Feeling" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: The original for this song would have been in my Top Ten favorites list if I'd never gotten saved. My version is about people who let their emotions run their lives, instead of walking by faith.

You woke up this morning, and your joy was gone.
How did you lose it? You felt okay.
You lost your path and it's been withdrawn.
You blinked your eyes and it slipped away.

Chorus:
You go by your feelings (go by your feelings).
They're not here very long, they never stay (go by your feelings).
Truth unbelieving (go by your feelings),
You won't see many plans through today.
You won't see many plans through by today.

So many feelings have come and gone.
Their traces make you to laugh and cry.
But I can recall a time not so long,
You followed the Son, told your flesh goodbye.

chorus
solo

When you're tired of hot and cold,
Don't hide from the Master, forget the way,
Or dream of the world that brings you woe.
Just close your eyes and your lips can pray.
Your lips can pray!

Chorus:
Don't go by your feelings (go by your feelings).
They're not here very long, they never stay (go by your feelings).
Pray while you're kneeling (go by your feelings),
And in grace, walk by faith every day.


See, Not Blind

(parody of "Peace of Mind" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I'm slowly rewriting every song on Boston's first album. Why? Well, why not? The album was famous, and I still like the guitar work. This song describes people who lived long ago and got their eyesight from Jesus, and people alive today who, although they can see physically, can't see what really matters.

Now, two were feeling on the road for the route to be takin'
Just outside of Jericho.
And they want to run to Someone and there's no mistakin',
Get their sight from Him who bestows, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Chorus:
They understand about God's provision,
They know where they should seek and find.
People living in lack of vision.
All they want is two eyes that see, not blind.

Now the blind man was sent off with some mud that He spattered,
Go and take it to Siloam.
"I can see!" they heard him say, his dark world shattered,
Worshiping the Lord alone.

Chorus:
He understands about God's provision, he knows where he should seek and find.
People living in lack of vision. He got more than two eyes that see, not blind.

Bridge:
"Take a look," He said. "Take a look," He said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

solo

Now everybody's got the eyes that the Lord has given.
Doesn't mean that they all can see.
Lots of people don't believe they need forgivin',
Take their sight but won't be set free.

Chorus:
Do they understand about Jesus' mission? Don't they care if they're left behind?
No true living without contrition. We need more than two eyes that see, not blind.

Bridge:
Look to God instead! Look to God instead!
To God instead!


End Times

(parody of "Long Time" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: everybody wants to know how the book of Revelation is going to play out. But some strange, non-Biblical teachings about the end times have wormed their way into the church, and like any false doctrine, these need to be confronted and stopped.

It's been such a long time, since our Lord ascended.
Some say when the Temple fell, all prophecy was ended.
But if Christ rules in this millenial kingdom,
Where's the justice, where's the peace that set the prophets singin'?
I guess He didn't bring 'em

Chorus:
Don't be wasting my time teaching Godless lies.
You will see the truth when He comes through the skies.
But when He says it's time, there will be no more, just the day of the Lord.
It's about the end times, singing 'bout the end times.

There are some who say the church should run the planet.
We should conquer the world for God, and rule just like He ran it.
Then when Christ comes, we'll hand the kingdom to Him.
But if He doesn't conquer all, that's not the glory due Him.
I wonder if they knew Him.

chorus

It's been such a long time, and time keeps on unfolding.
Some get obsessed with what the final days are holding.
There's a day set, a day of endless sorrow.
Got to serve our Savior today, we may not have tomorrow,
And no more time to borrow.

Chorus 2:
He's not taking His time, He's not running late.
He just wants some more to find the narrow gate.


Long Night

(parody of "Long Time" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is my second try at rewriting "Long Time" (the first was called "End Times"). I think this one is a better parody, but the other one doesn't stink, so I'm leaving both on my site. This one is about the Roman soldiers guarding Jesus' tomb.

It's been such a long night. The sun will be soon be showing, yeah.
And three other guys and me, we'll soon be going.
Stayed long, on our duty time, yeah.
Got to keep on guarding a tomb — they put some Jewish guy away.
He's crucified and died three days.

Chorus:
No one's takin' that guy, He is dead and gone.
Don't forget He's down beneath a giant stone.
And I guard like it's mine, I won't live no more
If anyone gets by that door.

Oh, yeah yeah yeah, it's been such a long night, it's been such a long night.
(short solo)

Well, I just cannot see, who would go for that tomb.
But from on high, orders came by — I cannot let a soul through.
Who'd try, to face me and to fight me?
Disciples denied His name, and they are all in hiding.
No courage they are finding.

chorus:
No need wakin' my guys, they aren't snoozin' on.
Can't forget about our duty, we've been sworn.
And we'll take care of Christ, He won't move no more.
Just on guard and we'll make sure.

Oh, yeah yeah yeah, it's been such a long night, it's been such a long night.
(long solo)

Now there is an odd guy, his face is glowin', yeah.
And just as I faint, I see, the stone is rollin'.
When we came to, it's empty now and quiet.
We've got to go tell the Pharisees, but they aren't gonna buy it.
I think I may be dyin'.

Well, is Jesus alive? I know what I saw.
Did He arise? I can't be wrong.
Did He arise, did He arise...


Our Canaan Land

(parody of "Rock & Roll Band" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I'm not sure if this song was ever released as a single. But millions of people bought the album, so a few of you will recogize it.

We were just a bunch of slaves down in Egypt, making bricks and crying to be free.
Plagues, they came on down, Egyptians said, "Be gone!" and then God, He parted the Red Sea.
Our parents didn't trust God's promise. It's forty years and none have survived.
But I just heard God say, "Just be strong and courageous and you will thrive."

Chorus:
Our Canaan land, which the Lord had promised
To Abraham, and to all of us, if
All, will follow, the way -- pray -- obey!

Marching 'round the walls of the city. All the priests were blowing horns in His name.
Soldiers led the line and then the Ark behind, and soon Jericho went up in flames.
Taking out cities and kingdoms, 'cause their maidens our young men weren't kissing.
With our weapons in range and our voices in praise, all their troops went missing.

chorus

Finally, all Canaan is our land. Our enemies have met the sword.
Choose you all this day whom you'll serve and obey, but for my house, we will serve the Lord.
Fear God and remember His cov'nant. His enemies need burnination.
But remember, you'll be judged and expelled if you copy the nations.

chorus


Smokin' Cities

(parody of "Smokin'" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: The kind of smokin' that Sodom and Gomorrah did was very different from what Boston was singing about.

I gotta say Sodom's wrong, Gomorrah's selling out their soul.
They really let themselves go, completely out of control, yeah.
Lot, don't you stay.
Get on up, and just move away.
Gone by tonight.

Chorus:
Smokin'! Smokin'! Cities alight, and they're done provokin'.
Smokin'! Smokin'! Fire was bright and the Lord has spoken, yeah.

Get your feet out the door, don't be here when judgment rolls.
All your stuff you will lose; if you stay, you will choose to fall, yeah.
Don't you disobey.
Get on up, and just run away.
Gone by tonight.

chorus

Everybody running, watching both the cities ignite.
Leave your lands, move your feet --
Don't look back and just take flight, yeah.
Get gone today.
Get on up, and just move away.
Gone by tonight.

Get gone today.
Get on up, and just move away.
Gone by tonight. It's all right!


Is the Rich Alive?

(parody of "Hitch A Ride" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: one of the saddest parables Jesus ever taught was that of the rich man and Lazarus, found in Luke chapter 16. Many believe that, because Lazarus was named by name, it wasn't a parable at all, but something that actually happened. In either case, it is a sober warning that hell is real, and physical death is not the end of our existence.

Rich man lives a life that's pretty
While that Laz'rus waits outside.
He's idle and feels no pity.
But it's changed 'cause now he's died.

Is the rich alive? Sent to the other side.
Once he wined and dined, (to) Lazarus was blind.
Now too late to pray, no chance to get away.
Feeling now confined, now he has to pay for the lost time.

"Lazarus could dip his finger,
Cool my tongue because I fry.
Works of hell, I find I'm into.
Oh, can he cross that gulf and try?"

Is the rich alive? He's on the other side.
Water on his mind, nothing he can find.
Abraham did say, "You've had your last buffet."
Plea for help declined, now he's gone astray for the last time.

Is the rich alive? Prayed for his brothers five.
"If they see him rise, they will change their minds."
"Not a chance if they, won't hear what Moses say."
Pain is all he finds, hope has gone away for the last time.


Something About Truth

(parody of "Something About You" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was the final parody in my project to rewrite all the songs on Boston's first album. You can compare it to my earlier efforts, like "Go By Your Feelings" and "End Times," and see if I've made any progress as a parodist. It took me forever to figure out what this version would be about. There are very few messages that are more important.

When I was blinded, I made up God's plan on my own.
It's warm and fuzzy, I'm good and to Heav'n I'd be goin'.

But there was something about truth (I wanted to know).
He brought a change over me (and I'm starting to grow).
I got the Spirit inside,
'Cause He saved me, raised me, paid it when He died.

Chorus:
It isn't pleasing to go where they're grieving for lies, and
It isn't pleasing to know your belief and Him can't agree.

Some twist the Bible to say things it don't really say.
He really meant it, eighteen of two-two Revelay [tion].

The Lord has no satisfaction (He told us it's so)
When we distort what is true (you could wind up below).
You got the Spirit inside?
Get the facts, yeah, facts, yeah, let Him be your guide.

Chorus:
It can be easy to know when you're seeing a lie, and
It can be easy to show what you're believing when you're set free.

solo (like first 2 lines of a verse)

But there is something about truth (I want you to know).
It says He died on a tree (on the third day He rose).
You want the Spirit inside?
Then you have to, have to put your faith in Christ!

Chorus:
Don't disagree with the Lord — Devil's stealing your life, and
Don't disagree with the Lord, just believe in the verse sixteen,
John three, can't you see? He gave it all to save you!

'Cause there is something about truth, yeah, there is something about truth!


He Could Take You Home Tonight

(parody of "Let Me Take You Home Tonight" by Boston)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: This one is a pretty straightforward call to holy living, which is the exact opposite of what the original lyrics were saying.

Now I don't like this, I want to find the sky,
But I get these feelings to brag and cheat and lie.
Now don't ever doubt Him, His coming could be nigh.
If you can see the way to be, go on before we fly.

Chorus:
He could take you home tonight, so you should do what's right.
He could take you home tonight, and so we live in light.

You must comprehend this, we've waited for so long,
Though we know it's all true, we're tempted to do wrong.
Get your act together, He came to make you free.
Be living so if He comes tonight, ashamed we'll never be.

chorus
I don't want no lame excuses, if life is awry. I just want to get truth in all my life.

solo (verse)
chorus

I don't want no lame excuses, if life is awry. I just want to get truth in all my life.

Now don't ever doubt Him, His coming could be nigh.
If you get these feelings to brag and cheat and lie,
Get your act together, He came to make you free.
Be living so if He comes tonight, ashamed we'll never be.

chorus

You know He really might. He'll clothe us all in white.
Pretty soon we're gonna soar with Him in flight

He could take you home tonight (The Savior, He could take you home)
He could take you home tonight (don't you know the day's unknown)
He could take you home tonight (repeat & fade)


Susa the City

(parody of "Suffragette City" by David Bowie)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Honest, I didn't even know about ApologetiX when I did this song! They parodied it first, with exactly the same theme, but enough differences that I don't feel too bad showing you my version. I guess the "Hey man" part put the same idea in J. Jackson's head as it did in mine. Now I've got all of their old CD's, so something like this won't happen again.

Haman, leave the Jews all alone, you know.
Haman, you're in a dangerous zone, I tell you,
Haman, don't get on Mordecai's case.
His God is almighty, He'll put you in your place.

Haman, your revenge is insane.
Haman, all your life's down the drain.
Haman, you know his niece is the Queen.
She's talking to the King and so she... and then she...

Chorus:
Oh, don't lean on that man, 'cause he's wearing royal raiment
He got in Susa the city.
Don't lean on that man, 'cause you can't afford the payment
You'll get in Susa the city.
It's not right. It's just spite.

Haman, you sent your messengers out today.
Haman, the Jews' future in doubt? No way.
Haman, you made a gallows here,
But you're the one that's hung, here it comes and you're done.

chorus

In Susa the city, Susa the city, Susa the city, Susa the city.
Wham bam, he don't eat ham!
In Susa the city, Susa the city, Susa the city, Susa the city.
Man, you're dead!


Suffer, Not Pretty

(parody of "Suffragette City" by David Bowie)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: once I learned that ApologetiX had already parodied "Suffragette City" with the story of Esther, I felt bad about my attempt. But a year or so later, while my pastor was preaching on Elisha, the name "Naaman" fit itself to the Bowie song, and my new version was off and running. This one owes nothing to ApologetiX.

Naaman, you're ill to the bone, you know.
Naaman, you're in the leprosy zone, you got it.
Naaman, you're not from Israel's race.
This fellow 'Lisha just gave a sign of God's grace.

Naaman, your servants explained.
Naaman, don't come here in vain.
Naaman, you think it's just a flim-flam?
He said "dip seven times and then be... and then see..."

Chorus:
Don't leave from here, man, 'cause you don't believe the prophet.
You'll have to suffer, not pretty.
Don't leave from here, man, 'cause Gehazi brought a message,
And God had mercy and pity.
Your skin is white. Two Kings five.

Naaman, now are you in your right mind? Go pray.
Naaman, your rivers aren’t the right kind, no way.
Naaman, oh general, go bathe here.
The prophet didn’t come, but it’s easily done.

chorus:
Don’t leave from here, man, don’t you charge away like Pickett.
You'll have to suffer, not pretty.
Don’t leave from here, man, got your healing, don’t you wreck it;
You got to stop being petty.
It’s now in sight. Be contrite.

solo - like a verse (“Oh, heal me!”)

chorus:
Don’t leave from here, man, it’s a long way to Damascus.
You'll have to suffer, not pretty.
Don’t leave from here, man, don’t be mad and try to chuck it.
You’re getting mad like a kiddie.
You’re healed, you’re free, man, ‘cause you did what he suggested.
He pushed your stuff aside, did he?
Go, leave from here, man; when his servant tried to take it,
You know your leprosy hit him.
His skin is white. He’s not right.

‘Cause sufferin’ ain’t pretty. Sufferin’ ain’t pretty. Sufferin’ ain’t pretty. Sufferin’ ain’t pretty.

Aaaaaah, wham bam, thank I AM!

Sufferin’ ain’t pretty. Sufferin’ ain’t pretty. Sufferin’ ain’t pretty. Sufferin’ ain’t pretty.
No regret!


Prayin' in the Boys' Room

(parody of "Smokin' in the Boys' Room" by Brownsville Station)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is an old parody that, unfortunately, is more relevant today than when I wrote it in the 1980's.

(Spoken) Praise God, how ya all doin' out there? You know, it used to be that they'd open every school day with a prayer of some kind. And anybody who got caught smokin' in school was in big trouble. But this old world has got itself turned around so bad that... well, did you ever have one of those days when it seems like everybody's gettin' on your case, from the Devil all the way down to the ACLU? Well, I used to have 'em all the time. But I found a way to get out of it. Let me share it with ya!

Sittin' in the classroom, feelin' real oppressed.
Hearin' all this humanism makes me depressed.
When the noon bells ring, you know that's my cue.
I'm gonna meet the brethren on floor number two.

Chorus:
Prayin' in the boys' room, prayin' in the boys' room.
Now, teacher, you don't have to, tell me the rules.
Supreme Court says that prayin' ain't allowed in school.

We go in one by one, so the teachers aren't aware.
We gather all together and we open in prayer.
We study the Gospels, the letters of Paul.
To get caught would surely be the death of us all.

chorus
solo

Well, they got contraceptives in the nurse's office now.
They'll show you how to use 'em if you don't know how.
The smokers have a place where they can puff with pride.
But if we want to talk to God, how come we have to hide?

chorus Chorus 2:
Prayin' in the boys' room, (yes indeed, we'll be) prayin' in the boys' room.
You can call me "Raca," but don't call me a fool.
I can't understand why prayin' ain't allowed in school!


Sheepherder Seein' Paradise

(parody of "Cheeseburger in Paradise" by Jimmy Buffett)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: a Christmas carol! This one leaped at me during a slack moment of a rehearsal for my church's Christmas program. I wrote it without my rhyming dictionary and without having the original lyrics handy; just my memory, a Bible, and something that really seemed like divine inspiration. Especially when I realized that the reference to the "for unto us a child is born" passage in Isaiah is a syllable-perfect parody of Buffett's spoken break. And when I thought of rhyming "hosanna, not for manna" with "Havanas or bananas," I knew I was on to something. Maybe I should do more parodies without the rhyming dictionary...

Me and my friends were not caring for rabbits,
Chasing ewes and lambs every day.
Lookin' out for sheep isn't fun but we're needed,
Taking lots of care for those who wandered away.
But one night, we saw this angelic scene,
We kind of fell at their feet.
Not Sanhedrin, Pharisees, or Rome's judgment seat,
But it's God's own Son, that is who we should greet.

Chorus:
Sheepherder seein' Paradise.
Heaven and earth saw a wondrous light.
Somehow I'm picked to see marvelous sights, I'm just a
Sheepherder seein' Paradise.

Heard the way the Lord would say to men,
"It is a Savior I'm going to send."
Fish and bread, He'll spread, and raise the dead,
But He's confined inside the manger of a Bethlehem inn.
Signs came, for Savior; his day and time has come to get on our knees.
Sing hosanna, not for manna or more decrees,
But that creator of creation who'll set us free!

chorus

solo

Break (spoken):
He's divine, He met us as our Maker.
9:6 and 7, it says in Isaiah.
Forsake all His riches for a cold world here,
The good Lord is mighty, His babe has appeared to me, a

Chorus:
Sheepherder seein' Paradise.
God sent His best so He could purchase our lives.
We were condemned 'til He sacrificed for me, a
Sheepherder seein' paradise. I'm just a
Sheepherder seein' Paradise, I'm just a
Sheepherder seein' Paradise!

repeat break


All I Can Do

(parody of "It's All I Can Do" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I always liked this song, even though it wasn't a big hit. I was thinking of some lost family members when I wrote the words.

Now, so many times, I shared Him with you.
"Leave all your shadows, you're long overdue."
And once in the night, I offered a prayer.
You don't want a fight, you said, "leave it there."

Chorus:
It's all I can do, is keep praying for you.
It's all I can do, it's all up to you.

One too many times, you tried to delay.
I said, "You're crazy, He might come today."
You keep your traditions, won't listen to Paul.
In 2 of Ephesians, 8-9 says it all.

chorus
solo - like a chorus

Spiritual things are very overt.
When you see the Judge, it's too late to convert.
The Savior, He offers a chance to be new.
And if you reject it, then what's left for you?

chorus
repeat & fade


Find God Tonight

(parody of "Not Tonight" by the New Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: for some reason, the songs that are specifically about sin lend themselves to parodies about salvation. That's how it works in my twisted brain, anyway. This one is specifically aimed at members of a particular religion that names Christ but teaches salvation by good works.

You're afraid of the unknown, yes, and it's like a fire alarm.
It's easy to imagine you'll be coming to harm, endless harm.
I wanna show you past your rites, find God tonight.

I got a Bible for sharing. There's more in here than you think.
I'd like to open a tab to words of Christ in red ink, in red ink.
'Cause He's the only way, the truth, and life, find God tonight.
I'd like to take a chance and then invite, "Find God tonight."

Bridge:
On your knees, your sins can't advance, have no pull.
That's where life begins if you will commit your, will commit your soul

I hear you wonder 'bout creation. You want some answers, and fast.
You say that you don't want a scam, you want the First and the Last.
You'll be alive if you will come contrite, find God tonight.
I'd like to take a chance and then invite, "Find God tonight."

You could say some prayers that seem profound, it's all just fluff.
'Cause it's a narrow road we must walk down — our works are not enough.

solo - like a verse
bridge

So don't you say a prayer to Mary, it's only going to fail.
It isn't sweet when the world ignites — find God tonight.
You'll be alive if you will come contrite, find God tonight.

Don't wanna praise the Mass (find God tonight)
You know all flesh is grass (find God tonight)
Don't want a mystic trance (find God tonight)
Just take a Bible stance (find God tonight)
Don't want to close your eyes (find God tonight)
You wanna turn and get wise (find God tonight)

You'll be alive if you will come contrite, find God tonight. God tonight!


Is Your Best Friend the World?

(parody of "Best Friend's Girl" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is another encouragement to get saved. I write lots of those.

You take chances how you'll be, but you say you're wise.
And every new toy just impedes / how you'll know the real Messiah.
(Seek His love, and then) Don't take chances with eternal life.
No, don't pay for sin.
(Seek His love, and then) Don't take chances with eternal life.
That kind of life just comes from Him.

Chorus:
Is your best friend the world? Is your best friend the world? Will you choose the divine?

You need renewing in truth. Don't you skip Christ's love.
And if you're right with Him, you'll get some action above, above, above.
(When He comes again) Don't take chances getting left behind.
No, don't think you'll live.
(When He comes again) Don't take chances, join Him in the sky.
(When He comes again) You'll like the life that he, life that Jesus gives.

Chorus:
Don't befriend this world, don't befriend this world. Will you choose the divine?
It's new... wine.

solo

You advance in what you seek, all the things you prize.
But if you knew joy that's complete, all of those you'd just despise.
(Seek God's Son, repent!) Don't need fancy words or clever lines.
(Seek God's Son, repent!) Just come to Him.
(Seek God's Son, repent!) Don't need fancy words to come to Christ.
(Seek God's Son, repent!) You're going to like the way, way that He forgives.

Chorus:
When's the end of this world? When's the end of this world? Seek the truth and you're fine.
You'll go... flyin'.

Go test this world, friend.
No rest [in] this world, friend.
A mess, this world, friend.
Detest this world, friend. (Go choose the divine!)
It's stressed, this world, friend.
Not blessed, this world, friend.
I guess this world ends.
No jest, this world ends.


(Jesus) Just What I Needed

(parody of "Just What I Needed" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: when I was young, lost, and learning to play the guitar, this was my absolute favorite song. When I became a Christian, I left it behind, and when I started writing parodies, I resolved not to do this one, because I didn't want it to become an idol again. But a certain major corporation used it as background music for their TV commercials, and suddenly the song was in my face again. "Okay," I resolved, "but it's gonna get new words!" I still like the song, but I like it better now that it praises Jesus. This was the fourth song I recorded, and the first one that turned out well, IMO.

I'm so glad You came down here, and gave Your life for mine,
'Cause if You didn't, I would sear until the end of time, yeah.
It's not for good things I had done, I never could deserve God's Son.
I'm so glad You came down here, and gave Your life for mine.

I'm so glad You rose again, and didn't stay asleep,
'Cause when You rolled the stone away, You saved my soul for keeps, yeah.
You know my failings very well, and why You love me, I can't tell.
I'm so glad You rose again, and didn't stay asleep.

Chorus:
Jesus, You're just what I needed, I needed Someone to bleed.
Jesus, You're just what I needed, and now from death I am freed.

I'm so glad You came in here, your Spirit lives inside.
And if I try to run from You, there's nowhere I can hide, no.
It comforts me to know You care, You walk beside me everywhere.
I'm so glad You came in here, your Spirit lives inside.

Chorus x2
Yeah, yeah, He freed me!
He's just what I needed!


Let It Go

(parody of "Let's Go" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I hadn't done a Cars parody in a while, and this one leaped at me while I was reading the story of David and Abigail in the Old Testament. It's a perky new-wave song with an infectious beat, and now it has some decent lyrics.

He drives you away when you did no wrong.
His wife Abigail came and fed your throng.
She didn't wait too long.

She's kind of face-down, and her talk is clean.
And she made her plot from verse seventeen.
You're the chosen sire of the one Messiah.

And I know Nabal put you down,
He tried to make you frown, but she said,

Chorus:
"Let it go. I brought some nice bites, Davey."
She said, "We won't incite strife, Davey."
She said, "Let it go!"

She turned you aside with your rant defused.
He's so bottle-filled now, she doesn't share her news.
He really likes his booze.

In First Sam twenty-five, he's a listless lout.
But when she told him the score, he went so cold, he's out.
He's a son of Belial, he's undone, expired.

And you don't want her wandering 'round;
She's going to wear your crown, 'cause she said,

Chorus:
"Let it go." You had a wise wife, Nabie.
You said, "Now say goodbye to life, Nabie."
She said, "Let it go."

She'll make a prize wife, Davey.
I said you'll have a nice wife, Davey.
She said, "Let's go!"


Tonight He Comes

(parody of "Tonight She Comes" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was a quickie Rapture song, with the focus on His imminent return and how that should affect our lives.

Maybe at night, He comes.
Or maybe He waits for sun.
He gives me a reason for living in light.
Could be tonight, He comes.

Sin tangles me up, I get on my knees.
My Jesus, He will forgive me, if I say please.
He gives me a reason to keep my life right.
Maybe tonight, could be tonight,
Maybe tonight, He comes.

I know He's gonna come and get me, we'll go flyin'.
But there's no one who even knows the day or time.
I know His plan's not human, it's divine.

solo - like a verse

He knows the way I feel,
And I know my God is real.
I just want to please Him, with all of my life.
I'm ready tonight, could be tonight,
Maybe tonight, He comes.

Maybe tonight, could be tonight,
Maybe tonight, He comes.


Wakin' Up

(parody of "Shake It Up" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is just a light, happy-sounding description of one of the few times one of the King Herods contended with a man of God and completely lost.

Jailed all night, Peter lay.
Herod wants his head today.
A man in light, real upbeat,
Said, "Your sandals go on your feet"

You're wakin' up, wakin' up.

Time for flight, bustin' loose.
See what prayer and faith can produce.
Doors swing wide, better run.
God is spoilin' Herod's fun.

You're wakin' up, wakin' up.

Street's in sight, go go go.
Guards don't fight, they're out cold.
Free all right, saved by God.
Wakin' up, a dream it's not. Whoo!

solo

At Mark's tonight, saints in prayer.
Make the servant girl stop and stare.
"You're not right," they told her,
Though a miracle occurred.

They're shaken up, shaken up...

"Guys, sit tight," Pete said so.
"I'm all right, but I should go."
Acts 12 says, all the guards
Wakin' up, behind bars and

Shaken up, what a scene.
Where's the prisoner who was chained between?
Jailed all night, where is Pete?
Herod had to admit defeat.

He's shaken up, shaken up.


You Might Thank

(parody of "You Might Think" by the Cars)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the Cars were my favorite band before I became a Christian, as I've mentioned, and every now and then I revisit them, looking for something worth the time and effort of rewriting. This one is about one of God's "pet peeves," unthankfulness. Can we ever be too grateful for all that God has done for us? Can we ever express that gratitude too much?

Oh well uh, you might thank the Savior for coming down to you.
Why did you think they struck Him, and called Him King of Jews?
But I think it's worthwhile if you praise and thank a while.
You might thank Him truly, 'cause baby, it's all true.
You might thank Him daily, oh, for all He's done for you.

You might thank Him for miracles; He's there when things look bleak.
You may not see Him moving, but He knows what you need.
But I think it's worthwhile when you thank Him in your trials.
You might thank Him truly, like in First Tim two.
You might thank Him daily, oh, for all He's done for you.

But it's His heart, He won't forsake, or make mistakes, or help you late.
spoken: But He'll keep you going 'til the Son comes down.
He'll keep you going.

solo

Oh well uh, you might not think it's serious, unthankful in a crowd.
But God says sometimes, it's injurious not to thank aloud.
But I think it's worthwhile if you're not a thankless child.
You might thank Him truly, expand your gratitude.
You might thank Him daily, oh, for all He's done for you-a-oo.
All He's done for you, all He's done for you.


Down By Four Corners

(parody of "Down On the Corner" by CCR)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one sprang full-grown from the Scripture reading in church one morning, specifically the beginning of Acts 11. I wrote the story from the original narrative in Acts 10; the second chorus came first, and the rest got written around that beginning. I turned the solo into a rap because it's not much of a solo, and ApologetiX has turned solos into raps for several songs (including "Proud Mary," another CCR song), for the same reason I did — they wanted to put more words into the song than would fit in the original. This is one my favorites among all the lyrics I've written.

Early down in Acts 10 (trust me, it's worth your time),
There's a man, Cornelius, with a startling view of mind.
Lord sent him a warning, trying to fill his cup.
Thrilled that afternoon because he shows a godly heart.

Chorus:
How could a Roman call and entreat?
Will he find the good Lord a-prayin' in Caesarea? Send for Pete.

Servants went to Joppa, walking in single file.
Peter wants his gut filled, but lunch, it takes a while.
Just about the dinner hour, a vision came into view,
And Peter goes into a trance and sees it on the roof:

Chorus:
Down by four corners, just like a sheet.
And he heard the good Lord a-sayin', "Rise and kill and you can eat."

rap - like a verse (solo in the original):
Every kind of animal, that you ever seen.
Peter said, "I shouldn't eat if they're unclean."
God said, "If I cleaned 'em, 'bad' you shouldn't say."
Then it happened twice more, then it went away.
Peter tried to figure what's it all about.
Then he got some visitors, being real devout.
Spirit said to Peter, "Off the roof and gettin' down.
"You've got some company, they'll take you out of town."

Chorus:
Down, down to Corny, watch now and see
Will he do it good or delay it? Jews and Gentiles, they can't eat.

bridge - like 2 lines of a verse

Peter said, "If any is just, then he'll be found,
Saved 'cause God has picked him; now I'll say why and expound!"
Told them 'bout reborning. They made a joyful noise,
And everyone saw grace abound, the Gospel came to goys.

Chorus:
Now came the order, came straight from Pete;
Hearing all the cool tongues, he's saying, "They've been picked so dunk 'em deep!"

Chorus:
"You're out of order," said Pharisees.
Peter said, "The good Lord arranged it." Told them quickly and complete.

Chorus:
Down came the power! Doubt's in retreat.
Peter and the Gentiles are sayin', Satan, Old Nick, has seen defeat.


It Came Free

(parody of "Fortunate Son" by CCR)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I'd be a poor parodist if I rewrote a couple of CCR tunes and didn't even try to do this one, which is one of their most recognizable songs. When I took my first whack at it, the title was "It Ain't Free" and it was about the price Jesus paid for our redemption. That's a good subject, but the people I know need to hear this message more.

Some folks adorn the Way, and they will brag
How they'll bring themselves through.
And when you ask them to explain their belief,
Ooh, it's works they plan to accrue.

Chorus:
It came free! It came free! The price was paid by God's Son.
It came free! It came free! It ain't by works that you've done.

Some folks inform you of what they've planned.
Lord, will they save themselves? No!
Just check the facts, Titus 3:5 and more.
The Lord, He doesn't put works on a scale, no.

chorus

bridge

Some folks aren't hearing Ephesians 2:8-9
Oh, their sins, their God abhors.
Instead of askin', "How much must I give?"
They should be trustin' in the Lord, Lord, Lord!

chorus

Chorus 2:
It came free! It came free! You've got to call on the Son, God's Son.
It came free! It came free! It ain't by works that you've done.


Open Up My Ark Door

(parody of "Lookin' Out My Back Door" by CCR)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is a fun song, and a reminder that just because God saved Noah and his family from the flood, that doesn't mean they had it easy. Sometimes His deliverance for us may not seem pleasant, but it always beats the alternative.

Just watched all things get destroyed, 'cept me and my wife and boys.
We've all been here, half a year on the boat.
Cabin fever sets in, everyone's suggestin',
Ooh, Lord, do open up my ark door.

Bellows from the harp seals, pigs are making high squeals.
Listen to the restless creatures dying to get out.
I know God's will is holy, the land is drying slowly.
Ooh, Lord, do open up my ark door.

Kangaroos and elephants are getting out of hand.
Will the flood subside, so they can fly the coop? Doot-do-doo.
Ark was our salvation, but we're near desperation.
Ooh, Lord, do open up my ark door.

solo (like a verse)

Kangaroos and elephants are getting out of hand.
Won't the flood subside, so they can fly the coop? Doot-do-doo.
Can we hit land tomorrow? Ararat or Kilimanjaro?
Ooh, Lord, do open up my ark door.

Just watched all things get destroyed, 'cept me and my wife and boys.
We've all been here, half a year on the boat.
Next time that it's rainin', you won't hear me complainin'.
Ooh, Lord, do open up my ark door.


Lurkin' Like You Are Lost Blues

(parody of "Workin' At the Car Wash Blues" by Jim Croce)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: A friend named Sam asked me if I could write a parody to this song, so I did. That'll teach me to take requests; he never mentioned it again. But it came out okay, so maybe someone else out there will like it. It's about backsliding, and I'm sorry to say I know a few people to whom it applies.

Well, you had just got out from the account of sinning,
And you prayed in faith 'cause works fall short.
Thought that you would live in Jesus in full submission,
But I wonder, was it all smooth talk?
You wouldn't listen to the fact that your life is heinous;
The Word says, "World or God, you got to choose."
Now you got them Heavenly distressing, no-faith, transgressing, lurkin' like you are lost blues.

Well, you should be going in your own volition
To God, spending time in prayer,
Talking in faith through the Holy Spirit,
Sayin', "Thank you, Lord," and casting your cares.
Instead, you're ducking quiet time, offended by the tag
Of "walk in faith," you'll just refuse
With them Heavenly distressing, no-faith, transgressing,
Lurkin' like you are lost blues.

You know a Christian should have humility; he should be broken by the Savior's scars.
But you don't want to get straight, you like your natural state
And you're snubbing Bible truth from afar.

Well, all I can do is bow my head and pray you'll believe God is true.
For shirkin' His command and the Spirit's call is an undistinguished way to lose.
Now, baby, don't expect receivin' all the peace God is givin' if you break all of Jesus' taboos
'Cause you got them Heavenly distressing, no-faith, transgressing, lurkin' like you are lost blues.


You Don’t Mess Around With Sin

(parody of "You Don’t Mess Around With Jim" by Jim Croce)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is just some good advice for new Christians (and such not-so-new Christians as need to hear it again). Everybody over the age of 20 knows the original.

One time you did trust Him, now to God you’ve come
For a second chance; be a faith-walker, now your new life in Christ has begun.
Yeah, He told you “come from the world you’re from, you’re belonging to the Savior’s cross,”
And now your bad deeds have all been forgiven, all right, and what was gain, now count as loss,
Free from laws. And they say,

Chorus:
You don’t shrug at stupid men’s fate. You don’t quit once you begin.
You don’t pull a fast one and repent later,
And you don’t mess around with sin. (Go find it in I Peter 1, verse 3)

Well, you can get so enamored of a country song, or you can look for Jesus’ plan in hymns.
It’s just a tune to enjoy, don’t let it kill and destroy, but your hope should be all in Him.
If you’re looking for the King, He said to ask and seek, deprived of your cop-outs — that’s a fact.
And He don’t need all your money, and I say [to] you, sonny, that there’s nothin’ that you’re gonna lack,
If every need you pray back! Don’t you know,

chorus

Well, His touch and love can renew you, or sinning can stop you in all defeat.
But when your judgin’ is done, the holy parts you did for God will bless your soul at the Judgment Seat.
Yeah, you’ve been given all His wondrous graces, and that’s a lot, if you know the score.
Now you came to believe; now tell everyone the story what the Savior came here for.
Ohh-oh. And they say —

chorus

Spoken:
Yeah, praise Him for all of that.
Read His Word through the begat’s, and just trusting He who came for you,
Even if you did have some two-bit disgusting ways that fooled you.

chorus


Read in Revelation

(parody of "He's a Rebel" by the Crystals)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I never parodied a "girl group" song before, and I wanted at least one in my "catalog." The original of this one was probably among the best of the type. I just kept turning the title around in my head until it sounded like something Biblical, and that suggested both the title and the subject.

See how Satan's filled with conceit.
Did you know he'll suffer defeat?
How he'll tell the biggest lie by speaking through the Antichrist.
You know why?

"Take the scroll, O Lamb," angels bowed.
Heaven worships with praises loud.
My Savior will be the One to rule o'er kings, for "it is done."
Are you understanding that? I say,

Chorus:
Read in Revelation, ending's gonna be very good.
Read in Revelation, ending ought to be understood.
And just because it wasn't true yet, when the other Word was,
That's no reason why it was not foretold above.
It is always good to be wise in eschatology,
So read in Revelation so you'll know
Things of Revelation, oh so close to be!

sax solo

Some who don't like what it say
Try to hide in hills and caves.
Lord is shining bright as He rides on that day!

Chorus:
Read in Revelation, enemies will be all subdued.
Read in Revelation, Heaven and the earth, all renewed.
And just because God wasn't through when the Messiah rose up,
To be pleasing, you'll seek His face and share His love!
Read it all, it's good to see all the ways of prophecy.
So read in Revelation so you'll know
Things of Revelation, oh so close to be!


Ark of Covenant

(parody of "Grandma's Feather Bed" by John Denver)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this one purely for the fun of it. There's no deep theology or hard-hitting message, just a partial history of the Ark. Enjoy!

When we were delivered from the goys, following after Mo,
God sent us into the wilderness, about twenty years or so.
We had sweet manna, water from the rock, snakes if we were discontent,
But the best ol' thing about followin' the Lord was the Ark of Covenant.

Chorus:
It was four feet long, about two wide, and a cubit and one half thick.
It was made of acacia wood, covered in gold, with the two cherubim - pretty slick.
It'd hold two tablets, Aaron's rod, and some manna that the Lord had sent.
Didn't get to see it, but we had a lot of faith in the Ark of Covenant.

After the cloud or following the fire, God would lead us through.
Though we'd be walking for a day or for a week, we never wore out our shoes.
We'd stop and rest, and I'd begin to relaxin' in my tent.
Next thing I know, we're packing up to march with the Ark of Covenant.

chorus

We thought the Ark would win the war, God judged us 'cause we were due.
The Philistines took it, it busted up their idols, it even gave them tumors - eww!
But there's King David tryin' to rejoice, instead he had to repent.
Then he made a call, "Who will take up the load of the Ark of Covenant?"
He danced while the Levites took up the load...
(spoken) Nobody died this time 'cause the Levites took the load!

chorus


Praise God I'm a Fundie Boy

(parody of "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" by John Denver)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: My first church was an ultra-fundamentalist King James Only Baptist church, and I'm grateful for the time I spent there. I learned to love and respect God's Word in a way that many other churches just don't teach. But the legalism became utterly stifling. Now that I've learned what the Word says about believers' freedom, I don't think I could belong to a church like that again.

When you come and get saved at an altar call
Where the pastor preaches with a down-home drawl,
You gotta keep the rules so your soul won't fall.
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

I've been washed in the blood, been immersion baptized,
But that's not enough to keep me right in God's eyes.
The Lord wants to see me in a jacket and a tie.
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

Chorus:
Other Christians say they're going to Heaven
But the devil's got their lives all filled up with leaven.
They don't read the King James 1611 —
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

Now the works don't save, but we gotta have rules
To help us tell apart the wise from the fools
And help us get to Heaven with a crown full of jewels.
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

Now I'd read King James all day if I could
But the old words I don't understand very good,
So I listen to the sermon, "Amen" when I should.
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

chorus
Solo (melody of "Amazing Grace")

Down in church last week, we had a hootin' and a holler.
We all the way but some fella wouldn't foller.
His hair was touchin' his ears and his collar —
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

We got all kinda rules, some are easy, some hard.
I can't go to movies and I can't play cards.
My wife wears a long skirt workin' in the yard.
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

chorus
Solo (melody of "Are You Washed in the Blood?")

Missionaries go out to preach to the nations.
All they're gonna get is tears and frustrations
As long as they're using them modern translations —
Praise God I'm a fundie-boy.

If you keep all the rules, we'll be real glad to see ya,
But don't go thinkin' Christ died just to free ya.
You'll get about as far with an Ave Maria —
(shouted) Whoo! That's right, amen, preach it! Praise God I'm a fundie-boy!


Insultin' the King

(parody of "Sultans of Swing" by Dire Straits)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was my other favorite song when I was young and lost. It took me years, and several false starts, to come up with a decent parody, but once I figured out what it should be about, it almost wrote itself. My finest achievement as a guitarist is to play the ending solo and come close to the original, although I'm not 100% sure how I'm doing it.

You get a shiver at the darkness you read about in Mark, past fourteen.
In chapter 23 of Luke, he told the same thing.
A sinless man is dying, as was foreseen.
On left and right, criminals are suffering.

Now, gathered on all sides, there are only furious faces
Being devout, and his pain, it doesn't bring them down.
It's too much tradition, without God's graces.
A ring of thorns, they think is a crown.
On the east side, on the east side, Jerusalem town.
chorus break

Check out the big crowd, how they yelled and roared.
Mind, this is a spectacle and they don't want to miss a single thing.
"Come down and save yourself, and we'll call you the Lord."
You can just hear all the hate in their voices ring.

The Pharisees and scribes, they're the ones who made this scene.
This is the day before the Passover rites.
Jesus tried to warn them, they missed everything.
Mocking His name with great delight,
They're just insultin', they are insultin' the King.
chorus break

And the thieves on the crosses are cursing with hatred and scorn, now.
"If you're the king, then set us free, no matter how much we stole."
Though one had maligned, then he said, "Keep me in mind
When You have reached Your royal goal."
He's done insultin', and what's resultin' is a saved soul.
chorus break

solo

And then the Son of Man gave His life with unbroken bones.
The pow'r of sin at last became a has-been thing.
After three days, then He rolled away the stone,
And we say, "Death, where is your sting?"
No more insultin', no more insultin' the King
chorus break


Televangelists

(parody of "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Greaseball televangelists are an easy target for a parodist. But somebody has to do it, or they'll keep multiplying, jamming the airwaves with false teachings and pleas for donations. Guys, ditch the hair spray and study your Bibles, please!

Look at the preacher, that's the way they do it,
Prophesying on the cable TV.
That ain't Gospel, but that's the way they do it,
Getting money for nothing, cashing checks for free.

Call that preaching? That's the way they do it.
They ain't wise, but they sure ain't dumb.
Maybe counting money gives them sore fingers.
Maybe thumping Bibles gives a sore thumb.

Chorus:
We're supposed to preach the word of repentance,
Not this phony deliverance.
We're supposed to speak of the cross of Jesus.
We're supposed to preach "by mercy set free."

See the humble prophet with the white suit and the necktie,
A pound of hair spray in his hair.
The humble prophet, he's been fleecing his hearers.
The humble prophet, he's a millionaire.

chorus

He never learned to pray and study.
He never learned to believe the Word.
Look at his wife with the Tammy Faye makeup.
She ain't his first wife, prob'ly his third.

And he's up there, what's that? A word of faith now?
Send in your money, get prosperity.
That ain't right, but that's the way they do it,
Getting money for nothing, cashing checks for free.


Way, Truth and Life

(parody of "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is such a happy melody, it needs an upbeat subject, and there's no subject more upbeat than someone getting saved. In this case, Saul of Tarsus.

Here comes Saul on the Damascus road, gonna take the saints of God away.
Who shined the light on him, he don't know; the word "Lord" is what I heard him say.
For his infraction, he got the notion, he was blinded and was led away.
Through inaction, and devotion, prayed and didn't eat for the next three days.

A brother laid his hands and prayed, he gave up all his plans for strife.
He met the Way,the Way Truth and Life, the Way Truth and Life.

Here comes Paul, he's got a brand new story, telling all about the Christ who came.
The Pharisees took an inventory, now their hero's preaching Jesus' name.
They got reaction, they got a notion, they can't refute him so they'll kill him dead.
For interaction, he'll cross the ocean, preachin' to the Gentiles where God led.

He travelled on with Barnabas and Silas, he always did remember Lot's wife.
He'd met the Way, the Way Truth and Life, the Way Truth and Life.

There goes Paul, he's in a Roman jail now, where his faith in God is on display.
But his faith, it will not fail now; he's gonna tell 'em all about the Way.
There's no distraction from his devotion. Writing letters, you can hear him say,
"Don't base your action on your emotion. Once you find the truth, don't you go astray."

He left us a legacy of faithfulness, of overcoming troubles and strife.
He knew the Way, the Way Truth and Life, the Way Truth and Life.


The Good-Buy Pearl

(parody of "Goodbye Earl" by Dixie Chicks)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this song has such a happy la-la sing-along chorus, you might forget that the original is about an abused wife murdering her husband with her best friend's help. My version, of course, is about Jesus' parable of the pearl of great price — this song couldn't be about anything else.

Maybe anyone could get what Christ intends
If he just asks and prays.
Those parables are for us, bub,
To help us live along the way.

He made application of a man went out
Lookin' for stuff in this world.
Went and looked all around and 'round
And what he found was pearls.

Well, he's willing to seek 'cause it made him merry to
Wonder which ones he's gonna choose.
Seeing one surpasses, another is lousy,
And many could make him snooze.

Well, he finally could observe no buyer's remorse;
He went and saw one very rare.
(If he) hocked all jewels where he was a hoarder,
He'd look like he's a millionaire.

Right away that man knew, he got up and ran
With a joy he could not hide.
He took all he had, and he sold it as planned
'Cause he didn't take long to decide

Chorus:
That pearl was a buy! A good-buy pearl.
It wasn't free, it looks real good to me, pearl.
He went to seek, and found him a unique pearl.
He's on the mark, 'cause he was looking sharp, pearl.

Just the same as that pearl, is
The search for how to finally know
To grip on Heaven and escape from Hades
When you hear the Word from long ago.

Jesus speaks of why the King is a-judgin';
It's a bummer when we face the fall.
We can turn from sins, He'll dismiss and pardon
And we will not miss it all.

Does the world understand how the Lord's strong hand
Points us to life divine?
Give up all we have to the Lord's one Lamb
And we won't regret if we're contrite.

Chorus:
That pearl is a buy! A good-buy pearl.
It will not break [break] 'cause it isn't a fake pearl.
I have a hunch, good enough and not junk, pearl.
Well, Matthew writes, in 13:45, pearls.


(Don’t Be) Angry At the World

(parody of "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this song came out after I stopped listening to secular music, so I only heard it now and then on other people's radios. But ApologetiX's most recent disc, "Wise Up and Rock," included a partial parody of this one as part of a medley. I listened a few times, and for the first time in my life, I thought, "Maybe I can do a better job than they did." Don't worry — parody writing is not a competitive sport with me. I just felt like I ought to try my hand at this one, with a totally different message than their version, and do the whole thing instead of one verse and one chorus. So here it is.

Dark isn’t pretty; righteous desire,
Seeking the One Way, appears to backfire.
Do do do-do do do-do do do-do do do-do doo doo
Whoa, man, they taunt you, “Give us a sign!”
Now catch my meaning — they have closed up their minds.
Do do do-do do do-do do do-do do do-do doo doo

Chorus:
Don't let them confound.
I have a hunch they’re after you.
Hell going down, they’re lost and they’re loud.
Don’t be angry at the world.
Satan is lyin’ and this they are buyin’.
They will confront and laugh at truth.
Go bring His life, to Jews and Gentiles.
Don’t be angry at the world.

Talk of the poor in spirit applied.
They’ll rail upon you ‘cause they’re spoon-fed pride.
Do do do-do do do-do do do-do do do-do doo doo
The Lord’s coming but their sin isn’t right.
They’ll feel the heat, they’re just too human and blind.
Do do do-do do do-do do do-do do do-do doo doo

Chorus:
Your name’s written down.
You cannot punt, you have what’s true.
Sent to the crowd, they’re lost and you’re found.
Don’t be angry at the world.
Some say they’re fine, they’re missing divine.
The lost and the dyin’ are after you.
God is alive, He won’t let you hide.
Don’t be angry at the world.

Angry at the world / Angry at the world / Angry at the world

Chorus:
Learning, you found, He’ll make solid ground.
Find there is much He has for you.
The weapons you found, are for pulling down
All the strongholds of the world.
Caught in a bind? It's just for a time.
Point to the One Who died for you,
And for our kind, He’ll choose to refine.
Don’t be angry at the world!


Rainy-Day Evangelists #12 & 35

(parody of "Rainy-Day Women #12 & 35" by Bob Dylan)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: God calls some to be evangelists, but some seem to call themselves, and their excesses give the genuine article a bad name. This is one of the first parodies I ever wrote (and I'm sure it shows).

I'll save you 'cause it makes me feel so good.
I'll save you just like I said I would.
I'll save you with my trusty King James.
I'll save you though I do not know your name.
'Cause that's the great commission Jesus gave.
Everybody must get saved!

I'll save you when I read the Romans Road.
I'll save you so He'll take your heavy load.
I'll save you while you're reading the Four Laws.
I'll save you so He'll fix all of your flaws.
Even though you need a haircut and a shave,
Everybody must get saved!

I'll save you when I'm preaching very well.
I'll save you 'cause you're scared of going to Hell.
I'll save you when I'm taking my best shot.
I'll save you whether you believe or not.
You'll get convicted when I rant and rave.
Everybody must get saved!

I'll save you when I point you to your Maker.
I'll save you when I quote from Jim Bakker.
I'll save you with words as sweet as honey.
I'll save you, then I'll say, "God needs your money."
God's approval is what I crave.
Everybody must get saved!

I'll save you with an endless list of rules.
I'll save you while I'm calling you a fool.
I'll save you with an anti-Catholic tract.
I'll save you wondering why you don't come back.
'Cause to my church's doctrine, I'm a slave.
Everybody must get saved!


Son Shined

(parody of "Sunshine" by Jonathan Edwards)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I used to know this song well in my BC days, but forgot all about it until I heard it on someone's radio recently. The idea for the parody hit me quickly, and here it is — another song about the conversion of Saul of Tarsus, aka the Apostle Paul.

The Son shined on my way today, on the road to Damascus.
The Son of Man’s come, and He’s undone my sight. A brilliant light was flashin’.
He would teach that He’s the one true vine. I was not obeying.
Now I’m down, the Lord has made me blind. Can I do a thing but prayin’?

Chorus:
Knocked off of my hoss — can’t find it.
My sight is what I’ve lost — I’m blinded.
I can’t even run from His light, He commands that I stop tryin’ — the Son shined.

The Son shined on my way today, on the road to Damascus.
The Son of Man’s come, and He’s undone my sight. My eyes need enhancing.
I thought I would catch believers there, bring them back to Jews for stoning.
Now I’m helpless, all I’ve got is prayer. See, God’s mercy is flowing!

Chorus:
My God on a cross — and dyin’,
'Cause my poor soul was lost — not lyin',
And if He can reclaim his own life, I’ll abandon claim on mine. The Son’s mine!

The Son shines, showing me another way, and Jesus’ truth I’ll be bringing.
His whole Word has got me turned around. He compels me to bring it.


Signs and Wonders

(parody of "Signs" by Five Man Electrical Band)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: if there's one constant from the beginning of the Bible to the end, it's that people won't believe God until He shows them a sign, and usually, they still won't believe Him even after they've seen it. Signs serve two Biblical purposes: to confirm God's word and to confirm His messenger. If you have any other goal in seeking a sign, don't ask.

And the sign said, "Gideon, grab a horn and blow a battle cry."
But he said, "I'm just not sure about that, and I don't have a reason why."
He said to God, "Could You help me understand Your plan with a sign or two?"
God did just that, sent him to combat, but that's way more signs than were due.

Chorus:
Signs, signs, miracles and signs,
Take the place of the word of God in my mind.
God said, so that's that, do you need the signs?

And the signs said Philip in Samaria was really preaching right.
And Simon rode the fence 'til he saw the apostles giving the Spirit's might.
"Can I lay hands, give the Spirit out? Here's some money to get me in."
Then Peter turned, rebuked him to his face, "Simon, you're quite a sinner!"

chorus

Now, hey there, brother, can't you read? You better find Matthew four, verse sixteen.
The walking by faith, not sight, is sweet. Miracles may not be here.
Signs and the wonders, they can make it real hard to stay in light.

solo

And the signs said Jesus, He arose from the dead on that third day.
But though Thomas heard it straight, still his faith was too small, he said, "I don't believe it, no way!"
Then the Christ showed that He wasn't vapor. Thomas said, "I'm believing Your sign,
My Lord and God," and He said, "Just believe and your faith, it will be fine."

chorus


(Love Your) Gomer, Hosea

(parody of "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story of Hosea and his wayward wife is a beautiful picture of God's faithful love for us, no matter how unfaithful we are to Him.

Loving you isn't a light thing to do.
But when I heard God, I could not disagree.
I thought you would want to live in my world.
It's so hard, when you won't stay here with me.

Chorus:
Love your Gomer, Hosea (hold on, Hosea).
You've been called by the Lord, and you'll obey.
Love your Gomer, Hosea (hold on, Hosea).

Tell me why you had to run around.
Just straying and disobeying's what you do.
If I can, I'll bring you back to my world.
Just look up, I'll pay a price to reclaim you.

chorus

solo

End chorus:
Love your Gomer, Hosea.
It's a picture of us and God, they say.


Blood Covered

(parody of "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I don't write many songs that try to share the Gospel, because I've found that the song itself distracts attention from the message. But this one was just crying out to be written, and it came so easily, that I don't dare leave it out of my little collection.

Chorus:
Are you blood-covered? Check it and see.
Turn to Jesus, let the truth make you free.
Let the Savior give you your second chance.
Are you blood-covered, blood-covered?

I don't have to read your mind, to tell you to seek and find.
Baby, you oughta know.
Now you act so blind, let me lay it on the line.
I want to know where you're going after you go.

Now it's up to you, you can live First Peter 1, verse 2.
The Lord is true, He'll show you living like you never knew.

chorus

If your feelings win, you'll continue in your sin.
"Walk by faith" is the key.
Don't ask God to give you a sign — that's unbelief! Don't seek a sign.
Tell me, are you saved, baby? It don't sound that way to me.

No one's good enough, so don't you buy that "saved by good works" stuff.
The time is right, the love of Christ is calling you tonight.

Chorus:
Are you blood-covered? Check it and see.
You believin' Romans in chapter three?
Let the Savior give you your second chance.
Are you blood-covered, blood-covered?

It’s up to you; it's just tradition that you're clinging to.
But think it through — what did religion ever do for you?

chorus

(Blood covered) All of your sin.
(Blood covered) You can be born again.
(Blood covered) You better beware --
(Blood covered) It's so hot down there.

(Blood covered) You can find Him today.
(Blood covered) He's the life and the way.
(Blood covered) He'll forgive what you've done.
(Blood covered) Just embrace God's Son.


Double Standard

(parody of "Double Vision" by Foreigner)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is one of my older parodies, where the words rhyme with each other but not with the original. Still, it has a useful message.

Feeling high and holy, looking down on you.
I know the reason for what you've gone through.
Maybe 'cause you're sinning, maybe faith you lack.
But when the same thing hits me, it's satanic attack.

Chorus:
Fix the blame, with my double standard.
Not the same, with my double standard.
Ooh, when I get on a roll, I leave my own self whole,
My double standard will condemn your soul!

Pointing with the finger, making sure you knew
It's your fault when bad things happen to you.
But when I have trouble, it's not the same, you see.
You can't be so unloving as to try and blame me!

Chorus


God Brought the Law

(parody of "I Fought the Law" by the Bobby Fuller Four)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I've been doing a lot of 60's songs lately; I'm not sure why. This one is a lot of fun to play, because it's perky and simple. The new words are exactly what you would think.

Hey, don't mock 'cause it's... not fun.
God brought the Law and we're... undone.
God brought the Law and we're... undone.

Go read in Moses, see what... God's done.
All got the Law but they've... done wrong.
All got the Law but they've... done wrong.

bridge:
In Exodus, Leviticus, it's read, and then we'll skip through Num-
[-bers]. See what Deuteronomy said.
God wrote the Law and it's... all done.
God wrote the Law and it's... all done.

solo - like a bridge, but end it on the G after the first D7

Romans three, it's there in ... ten, son:
Who kept the Law, baby? Not one!
Who kept the Law, baby? Not one!

Galatians three in twenty...four, hon:
Paul taught the Law led to... God's Son.
Paul taught the Law led to... God's Son.

bridge:
It says the scribes and Pharisees were bad, because God's grace they shunned.
His peace and rest will find you instead;
Love God with all — that is ... Law One.
Love God with all — that is ... Law One.
Love God with all — that is ... Law One.
Love God with all — that is ... Law One.


God Made the Bad Pool Pure

(parody of "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue?" by Crystal Gayle)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote the bones of this one in about ten minutes, in response to a junior-church teacher who needed a song for her lesson. She suggested the original song, and by the time her lesson was ready for the song, the song was ready for her. That's God for you. I've since polished it up a bit from that rush job.

The Israelites, they wanted a drink.
They just complained, they didn't think.
But Moses prayed, for sure,
"Oh, God, please make the bad pond pure."

They found a pond, but when they drank,
It tasted bad, it really stank.
But this would not endure,
And God would make the bad pond pure.

bridge:
It's not a secret; God told us why.
"Give us some water," hear the Jews all cry.
God showed He loved them, He won't let them die.
Gave them a drink, in land that is dry.

God said to Moses, "Cut down that tree.
"Throw it in, the pool and you'll see."
The Lord, He gave the cure,
And God had made the bad pool,
God had made the bad pool,
God had made the bad pool pure.


Abba Dad

(parody of "Abacab" by Genesis)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I started this one over a year ago, ran out of ideas to finish it, and set it aside. Usually when I set something aside incomplete, it never, ever, ever gets finished. But one day at work, the ideas started up again, and I completed the parody. The new words don't exactly stay on a single theme, but if you remember that the original words meant nothing whatsoever, this version may not seem so bad.

He's the Lord of all, Who came before.
We know His will is praise and adore.
There's a lack of true hearers;
Somehow, there's a whole bunch who live in vain.
Do you know all His names?
Tell me, do you know all His names?

Chorus:
(Adonai) He's everywhere
(Elohim) And He's always there
(Abba, dad) 'Cause He really cares (Abba, dad)

Did you happen to find the pearl
Before He's shakin' all things in the world?
He is wanting to fill you,
Showing you an answer that's not your own.
Do you think you'll find out?
I tell you, don't you cling onto doubt!

Chorus:
(call him Yahweh) He's everywhere
(El Shaddai) And He's always there
(Abba, dad) 'Cause He really cares
(Abba, dad) Yes, He really cares!

You want it, you got it, and He'll bestow.
You want it, you got it, He won't say no.

Here's the conclusion: He overcame.
No rejection; just come and call His name.
Won't you take up the warning,
"Seek and find" to others? It's so ordained.
Well, He is holy and sovereign.
Yeah, He is holy and sovereign.
Baby, if you hold on to somethin',
Now, are you beholding his sufferin'?

Chorus:
(King of Kings) He's everywhere
(Lord of Lords) And He's always there
(Abba, dad) 'Cause He really cares (Abba, dad)


Hate Stephen

(parody of "Saint Stephen" by Grateful Dead)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I listen to the original recording of this song and it gives me comfort, because they made as many mistakes as I do when I'm trying to record a song. As for the parody, there's really only one possible topic, although I toyed with a lot of words that rhyme with "Stephen."

"Hate Stephen!" said his foes, in the synagogue of Jews who chose.
Came and argued, but they sinned, it’s in vain; whatever they said, he gets it all explained.

Stephen’s off to face his crime, face a pair and they may be lyin’.
“Is this true?” they ask him now. Stephen will answer and they’re havin’ a cow.

Wish him well as the tale he’ll tell, took them way back for a spell.
Will they say it’s God in him?
Stephen, tell it good and make them frown and win a crown again.

First he fingered the Israelites, crying “Why four hundred years to cry?”
Moses matters, wrote his answer, prophet comes and bids “obey or die.”

Free from Pharaoh, now aware of how the Lord has freed you; make the house He’s earned.
God gave reasons why it’s pleasin’, but He say He got no call for halls made of stone.

Did he speak truth, not a lie? Answer’s irrelevant; they made a cry.
They are not repenting, they have had their fill; one holds garments while the other men kill.

(The) late Stephen won’t remain, life is lost but Heaven’s gained.
See him knocked by the suffering stones, hearing a song, it’s Jesus calling him home.

Sin, it comes a-callin’, your life you’ll be owin’, seeing who’s furious (at) sins? God alone.
What’s the answer? Christ the Lamb. But what will be your answer to the Son of Man?


I Thessalonians

(parody of "Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is what happens when you take a song title and run it through your head until it sounds like something from the Bible. I am not now and never have been a Deadhead, but I really like the way this parody turned out — I think it's one of my best. It's one of my "SongBooks," a song that goes through the major themes of a book of the Bible, to help us remember what's where.

First Thessalonians, the first chapter, Paul and friends to the saints all there.
Grace and peace and thanks to the Father, as we're mentioning you in our prayer.

Spirit, power, word of the Gospel, turned you from idols to be His bride.
We have discovered throughout all Achaia, also Macedonia, your faith's gone far and wide.

Chorus:
We took nothing while beside you, God gave everything we need.
You took the Word, although it brings trouble, you've been quickened by this creed.

Don't be sinning in ways of vice now. Love the saints and do work that's true.
When He comes, the dead won't follow, they'll be raised the same time as you.

Well, those of us who are going with Him don't know the day when He will arrive.
There are some who love just to say, "Peace and safety," then there's destruction, they won't be alive.

First Thessalonians, five short chapters. Walk in the Son's light, be self-controlling,
And waiting for the Son's time, come on, baby, read along with me.

Chorus:
Paul taught everything delightful, Paul wrote everything we need.
Putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and hope of salvation, yes indeed.

Some folks, they will end up crying, suffer wrath 'cause they're lost, not found.
We know why the Lord was dyin', to take us out, we'll be safe and sound,
Safe and sound.

Warn those daydreamers. With everyone be patient.
Rejoice always. Praying without ceasing.
Give thanks in all things. Don't you quench the Spirit.
Hold onto what's good, avoiding every evil.
God is faithful. The grace of Christ be with you.


Return to Me

(parody of "Si Volvieras a Mi" by Josh Groban)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: one of the teens in my church's youth group introduced me to the music of Josh Groban, and I kind of liked his stuff, so of course I had to write at least one parody of it. The original title means "If you return to me" in Spanish, and is a love song. This version is a song about the ultimate love.

Child of the human race, will you repent of all
Wrong that you've ever done? Answer your Father's call?
Christ bled and died just to pay for your sin,
Bought your redemption and then
After three days He arose up again.
Now My Spirit is calling all men.

Chorus:
If you return now to Me, I will have mercy, I will offer you a pardon.
If you'll return now to Me, don't let your heart become too cold, don't let it harden.
If you go your way, there's a price you can't pay.

How will you seek My face, searching out on your own,
Scorning the Word I sent to you, when it is clear and tried and true? You're going to end alone.
Come on your knees, I'll come into your heart.
No more will we be apart.
Trust in the work and the worth of the Son,
not in all the good things you have done.

Chorus:
If you return now to Me, I will have mercy, I will offer you a pardon.
If you'll return now to Me, don't let your heart become too cold, don't let it harden.
If you go your way, there's a price you can't pay.

And for your soul, there is a fate, and it certainly awaits
If you don't change your road.
See, I knock at the door. Please do not ignore.
The choice, it now is yours.

Chorus:
Ahhh! If you return to me as to a loving Father.
If you return now to Me, you will have peace with your God.
If you go your way, there's a price you can't pay.


He's a Child O Mine

(parody of "Sweet Child O Mine" by Guns n Roses)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: there were two separate times when God spoke from Heaven, acknowledging that Jesus was His Son. The Jews didn't get it the first time, and the disciples didn't quite get it the second time. So when someone tells you he'll believe the Bible if God speaks to him audibly, the best answer is, "No, you won't."

He came in time out beyond Judea,
Inclined to the wilds of the Jordan stream.
He was the King, but He came down to get baptized.

Down and in, the event took place
That started His way so He'd save our race.
And then they heard the strongest voice that came from the sky:

Oh, He's a child of Mine. (I'm) pleased, with that Son of Mine.

Three friends climbed to a mountain high
And far above the plain,
To date, they'd never seen His eyes
As they're seen when He would reign.
Up there, they find Him shining full of grace
With Moses and Elij'
And then like the thunder, the Father came,
His voice from a cloud in the sky:

Oh, He's a child of Mine. (I'm) pleased, with that Son of Mine.
Oh, oh oh oh, He's a child of Mine. Hear that son of Mine.

Peter and those, on the plateau now, James and his bro.
They fell down low, scared and it showed now. They fell down low.
No more aglow, clothes not like snow now. No more aglow. (He's hi-i-igh)
They had to go, back down below now. They had to go.
They didn't know, their faith would grow now. They didn't know.
Vision bestowed, tell it to no one. Vision bestowed —
"He's a child, He's a child of Mine."


City of Old Sins

(parody of "City of New Orleans" by Arlo Guthrie)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: one of the saddest moments in the Bible was Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem. The prophet Daniel had foretold the exact day He would come, but no one was counting days, and the Jews didn't realize that their long-awaited Messiah was there before their eyes. That's why He wept over the city. But it wasn't the first time that Jerusalem had missed Him.

Child arrived near the city full of old sins.
Bethlehem stable — shepherds found my trail.
Led by stars, the wise men came as riders.
God predicted, down to the last detail.

But in Bethlehem, no Pharisees; the Jews, they all were absentees.
They didn't know I came so they'd be healed.
Prophets strained to know my name, the place and time were known to them
But the Savior wasn't trusted, wasn't revealed.

Chorus:
Good morning, Jerusalem, how are you?
Say, don't you know Me? I'm your promised One.
And I came to call the city from its old sins.
I'll be gone beyond the Nile 'fore you know I've come.

Facing hard times, but the devil pushed me too far.
Looking for faith, I found so few anymore.
Tellin' parables that hold the key to battle,
And miracles they never had seen before.

But the sons of priests and Levites, and the sons of Sadducees
Lived their fathers' dry tradition with all zeal.
Other souls were fast asleep, works show that they aren't God's sheep
And their living has to fail 'cause they will not kneel.

Chorus:
Good morning, Jerusalem, how are you?
Say, don't you know Me? I'm the promised One.
And I came to call the city from its old sins.
I'll be on a cross and died 'fore the week is done.

No more time for the city and its old sins.
They gave me scars, didn't know they could be free.
Once I'm home, they won't do much mournin'
From the spiritual darkness that's blinded them so they can't see.

But all my words and wonders seem to point them to the Supreme
God, but they fail to heed the Word's good news.
The Messiah's going to rule and reign, all the world is His domain.
This Savior's got to keep His word to the Jews.

Chorus:
Good morning, Jerusalem, how are you?
Now do you know Me? I'm your promised One.
And I came to call the city from its old sins,
And I'll reign a thousand years 'til the story's done.


He's Alone

(parody of "Alone" by Heart)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the original is a haunting melody that begged for a Biblical treatment. I wrote two versions of this one, the first from Peter's perspective, the second from God the Father's. I can't decide which of the two is better. Either way, it's not often that my own lyrics make my eyes moist.

version 1:
You changed my name to be "the rock," You chose my boat when you'd embark.
You wanted me to pray tonight, I fell asleep for time unknown.
And the night went by so very slow,
But the day is worse than all I've known.
Alone.

Chorus:
So now, You're facing this trial on Your own. I swore that I would die before I left You!
But then I told them, "He's unknown" - How could I leave You alone?
How could I leave You alone?

Three years I followed as You wandered, I thought I understood Your light.
Don't know if I'll be reinstated, 'cause three times I left You denied.
But the mystery will soon be shown, that Your purpose was to atone, alone.

chorus

version 2:
I see the sleeping of Your flock, Gethsemane is all pitch dark.
Judas has brought You in tonight, to Annas with his heart of stone.
And the night goes by so very slow,
But the coming day is much worse, though.
Alone.

Chorus:
So now, You're facing this trial on Your own. We never said goodbye until I sent You.
And now it kills Me on My throne - How can I leave You alone?
How can I leave You alone?

You know how long We both have planned, to touch their race and make them right.
You taught and healed, and they have hated, and now the plan begins tonight.
And the mystery will soon be shown, that Your purpose is to atone, alone.

chorus


Dalmanutha

(parody of "Barracuda" by Heart)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I knew I wanted to rewrite this song, but I had no idea what it would be about. I eventually remembered that, somewhere in the Bible, there was a place called Dalmanutha. But what happened there? Was it significant, or was it just one of the towns that defined Israel's border? I had to look it up. Once I found it in Mark 8:10-21, I knew exactly what the song would be about, and it flowed pretty quickly from there.

Those Pharisees and the scribes came again
To say they want to see a display.
He just gave some four thousand a meal.
The scales before their eyes prevail.

Chorus 1:
It's not a good thing that they will seek.
A sign is all they want to see.
They wear Him down, down, down, those Pharisees.
He wouldn't in Dalmanutha.

Back a short time, things were all fine
When He made bread and some fish to eat.
Showed right from wrong, teaching the throng.
His name fixed the lame.

Chorus 2:
If the revealed King don't do the trick
You maybe have a head that's thick.
You better learn, learn, learn, learn, learn it real quick,
in Dalmanutha!

"Did I tell you?" the Savior said. "Blind don't see or understand truth.
"I think that you got confused, too.
All that night and all the next, sailed without any bread.
"You only thought of foods. Silly, silly dudes."

chorus 2


Where Will You Run To?

(parody of "Who Will You Run To" by Heart)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I don't recall how I wound up linking this song to the story of Rahab. Maybe God had something to do with it.

You were a girl and you were nobody's wife, and you made your way by sinning.
Yeah, it wasn't your idea how you'd be, but a new time is beginning.
'Cause now the Jews are waiting outside the walls; are you on the side that's winning?
You were not a good girl, and you can't erase it.
You've got one chance at life, and you better embrace it.

Chorus:
Where you will run to when the wall falls down? Yahweh the Lord is unfamiliar ground.
How could He ever let you take His side? Can He forgive the mess you've made of life?

You sent the searchers on a path that was wrong, You simply hid the spies on the roof.
And it's not easy finding faith in a God Who's gonna tear this city down, too.
What's going to happen when the trumpets blow? Keep your family close beside you.
You can see your whole world, God's about to break it.
Put your trust in Him now, make it real and don't you fake it!

chorus

You put your faith to work; your past, the Lord forgave it.
Check your family line, in the future, there's King David.

chorus


Hey, Joseph

(parody of "Hey, Joe" by Jimi Hendrix)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this parody got its start while I was watching the young people who played Joseph and Mary in my church's 2006 Christmas cantata.

Hey, Joe, why you goin' to take that gal from her land?
Hey, Joe, I said, why you goin' to take that gal from her land?
We're going en route to have a baby, you know she'll get a blessin' in Bethlehem.
We're going en route to have a baby, you know she'll get a blessin' in Bethlehem.
(Huh! Thanks to Roman rule.)

Hey, Joe, I heard you took your Mary down, room not found now.
Hey, Joe, I heard you took your Mary down, stable sounds now.
Yes, I did, I got her, got her the only space left in that town.
Yes, I did, I got her, got her the only space left in that town.
(And she gave me a son, not a daughter!)

Hey, Joe, where you two gonna run to now?
Hey, Joe, I said, where you two gonna run to now?
We're goin' to skip town now, angel said, "Egypt," and we'll obey.
We're goin' to skip town now, angel said, and that's good for me.
Ain't no one gonna find me
Ain't no Herod gonna, he ain't gonna put a sword through me.


Mormons and the Watch Tower

(parody of "All Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: yes, I know Bob Dylan wrote the song. The Hendrix version is much better known, and even Dylan plays it that way now. My lyrics describe a quiet dialog between a disillusioned JW elder and an equally disillusioned Mormon priest.

"There must be some other way out of here," said the elder to the priest.
"I looked for salvation, by works and not belief.
"Religious men did think of lies, about the new birth.
"It all sounds evil; can I find, a safer way off this earth? Hey!"

solo

"No peace if you get ignited," the priest, he quietly spoke.
"There are a few here among us who feel it's all mirrors and smoke.
"But you and I have seen through that; we want a road that's straight.
"So let us not talk falsehood now, let's go to Christ through faith. Saved!"

long solo

Mormons and the Watch Tower haven't kept what's true,
And they all wouldn't just repent, like God's servants do.
Some find mind-controlled prisons, the truth disavowed.
The end is fast approaching. They'd come in, they don't know how! No!

end solo & fade


Sling Shot

(parody of "Big Shot" by Billy Joel)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the idea for this one hit me right out of the blue; I was actually trying to think of a Bruce Springsteen song I could parody, but this one came to me instead. When you sing it, be sure to pronounce "Philistines" so it rhymes with "deans," not with "pines."

Well, you went up, down, lookin’ for the Philistines
Bringin’ wine and chow to your bro’s.
You were the anointed one in the plan, and it’s you that He chose.
But they’re taking up a warning from your bro Eliab -
“It’s the fight this cub came to see.”
And you’ll be fighting Goliath, he’s done eventually.

Because you had to use a sling shot, did you? You had to go and cause a rout.
You had to use a sling shot, did you? Now your foe is so knocked out.
You had to trust the Lord’s word, that’s right; it’s not what Israel’s king’s about.
You had to do the fight with God’s might, you had to use a sling shot, that’s right.

They were all depressed from the giant’s threats
And the people, they were too afraid.
But you were sure the Lord would give you success, you sent a stone and he’s brained.
So now you just go behead him with his own sharp edge,
And you’ve fought true; they’re gonna go.
I’ll tell you one thing, Davey, that Saul sure looks like a shmoe.

Because you had to use a sling shot, did you? You had to prove you had no doubt.
You had to use a sling shot, did you? Now your foe is so knocked out.
You had to trust the Lord’s word, that’s right, with just five stones all smooth and round.
You had to take the front lines, a bold type, you had to use a sling shot, that’s right.

Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh. Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh
Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh. Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh

Well, it ain’t no sin to stick a giant’s skin with a hole you made with a stone
Because the Lord he defied; the Philistines say it’s time to go home.
Go, go, go, go, go, go!

You had to use a sling shot, did you? You had to go and cause a rout.
You had to use a sling shot, did you? Now your foe is so knocked out.
You had to trust the Lord’s word, that’s right; it’s not what Israel’s king’s about.
You had to do the fight with God’s might, you had to use a sling shot, that’s right.

Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh. Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh
Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh. Wo-oh-oh oh-a-oh-a-ohh


Send the Daylight

(parody of "Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting" by Elton John)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the song is a straight-out rocker with a massively fuzzed guitar. The lyrics are about an event that really happened, no matter how the scoffers may try to deny it.

It's getting late and these pagan states are starting to deploy from here.
We have no clocks and we rolled some rocks to trap some kings all full of fear.
Their hopes are sunk and they are running like they're drunkards and you know they don't have a prayer.
Their problem's acute, and they'll be uprooted &mdash& our God said that we could live there.

Chorus:
We need some help to attack the nations, You promised us that we would win.
Send the daylight 'til we're done fighting, get some battle action in.
Sun is standing still until they've all been slain, by Joshua and the Israelites.
Send the daylight with all Your might, 'cause we can't fight at night, all right, all right.

We'd have a fight, we knew it all right, we got the call from Gibeon and we marched all night.
A king wanted a tussle and his friends agreed with Hoham, Piram, and Japhia, and Debir.
A couple of the things from the Lord I like are the word of His promise and a hailstone strike.
I'm Joshua, the son of Nun, and I say alas, my best friend Mo didn't see it come to pass.

chorus

Send the day, send the day, send the day!
Send the day, send the day, send the day!
Send the day, send the day, send the daylight all night.


Devil, I'd Come Back to You

(parody of "Baby I'll Come Back to You" by Joey & Rory)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: my wife likes old-fashioned country/western music, and sometimes I listen to it while it's on. The original song is about all the impossible things that would have to happen before someone would return to their ex-lover, and that was a natural for a parody about the impossible things that would have to happen before a sincere Christian would even think about going back to his/her old life. The kids love this one.

The devil called me the other day.
Got my cell phone number and called to say,
"Are you tired of Christ? Come back to my land."
So I told him words that he'd understand.

Chorus:
When Samson won't fight Philistines without his teddy bear,
When Esther can't save Israel 'cause she has to wash her hair,
When Noah builds a speedboat that's got no room for a zoo,
Then maybe, just maybe, Devil, I'd come back to you.

Now I didn't have to think too long
'Til I figured out that this deal was wrong.
If I take your stubble, wood and hay,
Could I turn from Christ and the cross betray?

Chorus:
When Jacob gives his brother back the blessings that he stole,
When David takes his harp and he starts playing rock'n'roll,
When Solomon goes begging 'cause his money is all through,
Then maybe, just maybe, Devil, I'd come back to you.

Now I can't see each future day,
But it's not too hard for me to say
Jesus died for me, my faith's in Him,
And your hopes for me are awful slim.

Chorus:
When Moses won't eat manna 'cause he wants a hot cross bun,
When John the Baptist holds folks under water just for fun,
When Peter doesn't act too fast but really thinks it through,
Then maybe, just maybe, Devil, I'd come back to you.

When Genesis to Revelation isn't really true (and it is, you know),
Then maybe, just maybe, Devil, I'd come back to you.


Don't Stop, Believers

(parody of "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this one as part of the bass-guitar lessons I was giving a teen in my church youth group. (Brandon, I miss you.) The song doesn't need much explanation.

Just a run-down girl, livin' in a fallen world.
She sought the Lord's domain, lookin' everywhere.
Just a simple boy, lookin' for some truth and joy.
He sought the Lord's domain, lookin' everywhere.

A Savior came to save from doom.
He's making wine and empty tombs.
Died and rose, giving endless life
That goes on and on and on and on.

Chorus:
Lost ones waiting, looking for the Lord's regard,
Soul shadows, longing to be right.
Get right, people, hoping just to find salvation,
Searching somewhere for the Light.

(break — like intro)

Working hard to preach until
Prophecy is all fulfilled,
Prayin' someone will accept His price
Just one more time.

Some will sin, some refuse.
Some are born again — good news.
But the Gospel never ends,
It goes on and on and on and on.

(chorus)
(solo — like intro)

Dont stop, believers.
Hold on to the truth, yeah yeah,
Get right, people, oh-oh-ohh
repeat & fade


Come Home Wayward Son

(parody of "Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I've written several songs about the Prodigal Son; it's a theme that resonates with me. It'll be a brave day when I work up the nerve to record this one, though.

Chorus:
Come on home, my wayward son. There is no peace while you run.
With your Father, that's what's best. Don't you fly no more.

Once you chose to love a boy's cheap delusion.
"Got to get away," it was your conclusion.
Got your money from your sire, then you said goodbye.

Set your eyes on all the fun you could find, man.
In your mind you thought it never would end, man.
You see your father when you're dreaming.
You can hear him say:

chorus

Masquerading as a man with some means now.
Your charade, it isn't all that it seems now.
And when your final dollar flies, man,
You've surely got no place to go.

From your wealthy ways, you got a demotion.
Tossing food to pigs would be a promotion.
It's looking coarse, but hunger draws you.
Can you hear your father say?

chorus

Come on home! He is calling so tender.
Come on home! Just repent and surrender.
Now you know that you're unworthy;
Still your Father waits for you.

chorus


Manna For Ya

(parody of "My Sharona" by the Knack)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: every song parodist has to do a "My Sharona" parody; I think it's an unwritten rule. This started as a half-hearted joke, but I decided to finish it and polish it up. Who knows? Someone might get blessed by it.

When the Jews hit desert sand, the Father's hand
Reached and gave them something called "manna" for ya.
Little flakes that tasted sweet, like sugar beets,
Unidentified but they had euphoria.

Breakfast, supper, lunch, "Thanks a bunch," all the Jews would say.
Bend and pick it up, just enough, 'cept the Sabbath day.
Fried, dried, pie, Thai style, wow!
M-m-m-manna for ya.

Soon they changed and said that it's just the pits.
"Wish we had some onions or macarona."
Then the snakes were in their midst — they got bit.
Only hope is look at that serpent on a

Pole that Moses raised. Look in faith and He'll heal your bites.
Lesson from the pain — don't complain, all you Israelites.
Try, cry, die, bye bye, wow!
M-m-m-manna for ya. M-m-m-manna for ya.

short solo

God provided manna, hey, every day,
Down from Exodus until Deuterona-.
It was real so they'd survive, kept alive,
Not a phony wonder like Medjugorje.

God has promised more, from His store, to the Pergamum
Folks, and maybe you'll get some too, if you overcome.
Christ nigh, wise guys fly, wow!
M-m-m-manna for ya.

long solo

Ooh, manna for ya.


Excommunicated

(parody of "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: almost all my parodies are of the songs I grew up with. But I'd like younger people to be able to enjoy my stuff as well, so if I hear a good song that ApologetiX hasn't already parodied, I'm willing to learn it and rewrite it. This is one of my best in that vein (I think). It's based on the real-life experiences of several friends who have left the church in question because they could no longer reconcile its teachings with the clear meaning of the Bible.

(spoken) Amen, life's like this.
Amen, amen, that's the way God is.
His life's like this.
Amen, amen, that's the way God is.

Found out just what Hell is for.
Made tracks straight for Heaven's door.
And if you could only find the key so they could see.
They lied to you, it won't go far,
Now you've found the Morning Star.
And you're telling them about the Son 'cause you've become

Dead to yourself, your beads on the shelf.
The Church wants you back, you're under attack.
The priest wants to rule, I'm not sure that you'll agree. Tell me —

Why'd you have to go and get excommunicated? I see no way for
The Vatican and you to get along, you've been separated. Faith's like this, 'cause,
'Cause you're fallen, you called on His name,
and He paid all your debt, and He took your sin, too.
Honestly, you're finished with tradition that's overrated, no, no, no.

"You're done," Vatican announced.
Messed up, truth they have renounced.
Dare they skip their Bible's own decrees? It's strange to me.
They doubt "saved when Christ arose."
Don't scoff, God they will oppose.
You know your time in that church is done, embrace God's Son.

He suffered Himself, and your pain He felt.
So check all the facts, it says so in Acts.
The priest said that you'll become Satan's tool, did he? Tell me,

Why'd you have to go and get excommunicated? I just can't see why
You try to bring a message of God's love and end up hated. Faith's like this, 'cause,
'Cause you're fallen, you called on His name,
and He paid all your debt, and He took your sin, too.
Honestly, you're done with that transubstantiated, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Find out just what Hell is for.
Make tracks straight for Heaven's door.
And if they won't let their blind eyes see, then let them be.

He left where He dwelt to save you Himself.
But they'd drag you back in spite of the facts.
Parochial school has taught you so you'll agree. Tell me,

Why'd you have to go and get excommunicated? I just can't see why
You have to turn your back on the Lord to get reinstated. Faith's like this, 'cause,
'Cause you're fallen, you called on His name,
and He paid all your debt, and He took your sin, too.
Honestly, it's you and not the bread that's been consecrated, no, no —

Why'd you have to go and get excommunicated? It hurts to feel the
Anger from your friends and from the people who you're related. Faith's like this, 'cause,
'Cause you're fallen, you called on His name,
and He paid all your debt, and He took your sin too.
Honestly, you're never going back, you've been re-created.


H8er Goi

(parody of "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is another attempt to parody a song that isn't more than two decades old at the time I rewrote it. As often happens, I came up with the title first, and that suggested the rest of the lyrics, which are about King Herod.

He was a goy, king in this world, 'cause he had the Romans, the governor's trust.
Attitude stunk, pride in the way. It wasn't okay.
A birth had occurred, God came to dwell, and openly Christ came to save from hell.
But he would contend, he would oppose the King who Jehovah the Almighty chose.

Chorus:
He was a hater goy, he's after the savior boy, Who was a good 'nough threat for Herod.
He was a pure disgrace, priorities out of place. He should have rejoiced at Jesus' birth.

Two years from now, he's on his throne, fearing that maybe his time has flown.
Some men from the East, at least two or three — "Your King we sought, tell us, where is he?"
He calls Jewish friends, they say that they know, and Bethlehem's picked many years ago.
"Just run along, and once you have found, look me up and then I'll be inbound."

Chorus:
He was a hater goy, he's after the savior boy, Who was a good 'nough threat for Herod.
Led by a shining star, came in from very far, they brought Him gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Sorry, Herod, you missed out. Wise men took a different route.
Joseph's dream he comprehends, and he knows what you intend.
You're bad and you wouldn't see, what that boy was meant to be.
He would grow to live and die, and then His soul and body'd rise.

Joseph a boy, and Mary a girl, and they made it out with their son, Jesus.
He'll reign above, He is preferred. Herod's mocked, he's a curse word.

Chorus:
He was a hater goy, but God's with the savior boy, and Herod's rage caused endless woe.
And everyone still will know, although it was years ago, about a boy he refused to know.


Stare Away from Heaven

(parody of "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is one song I was sure I would never parody, because of the whole backwards-masking thing. My friend Ed and I actually put a vinyl copy of Led Zeppelin IV on the turntable and spun it backwards with our finger to see what it said backward. The verdict: it's something unclear, but it gave me the jibblies anyway, and continued to do so for years afterward. But, as usual, the idea hit me on a slow day at work, and I finished it just to see where it went. It became a strong warning not to emulate the two people mentioned, one from the Old Testament and one from our time.

There's a lady impure, she's embittered and cold
And she's trying to stare away from Heaven.
She's called O'Hair, you know, and her mind is so closed
That the Word cannot do what it came for.
Oooh, and she's dying to stay away from Heaven.

When God signed on the wall, "Mene, tekel, upar-
Sin," He showed mighty words to a mean king.
He'd be freed if he'd looked from the wrong that he clings
To the call of the God who is living.
Oooh, did he make a blunder? Oooh, really make a blunder?

Think you're free bird, and yet, you have still got a debt.
Will your spirit be frying and grieving?
Please take thought — God will glean sheep from goats, crops from weeds,
And our choice puts our name in His book there.
Oooh, you hear the thunder? Oooh, it's distant thunder.

I won't whisper the truth, got to call clear for you
'Cause the life that you lead is displeasin'.
Someday you will bow down, but for those who stand wrong,
Lake of fire, and you can't go from out there. ("Can anyone get me out of there?!")

You have to hustle to reach Him so, don't wander far now.
Don't just get sprinkled, but obey Him.
There are a few paths that can look right, but when this song's done,
Jesus Christ arranged the narrow one.
Don't you make a blunder.

Your faith's become religious no-show, and you need to know,
Your life's not all about enjoyment.
That lady chose to bear her sins so, now she's all woe;
Belshazzar lies in abyss of sin.

solo

And if you try for God's abode,
You find you're fallen, and your soul
Can't walk the way you want to go.
There's just one Light who life bestows.
Go follow Him to streets of gold.
The way can seem so very hard.
But your end comes at you so fast.
When all is done and God is all,
If you just mock, there's no parole.

No use trying to stare away from Heaven.


I Got a New God

(parody of "I Want a New Drug" by Huey Lewis & the News)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: when I started rewriting this one, I meant for it to be called "I Want a New God," and it would be about a backslider complaining about the drawbacks of following Jesus. But I couldn't think of any, except His insistence that we forsake our sins. So I shifted the idea to a new believer comparing Christ to whichever deity he had been following in the past.

I got a new God, one who knows how I tick.
One who won't make me act bizarre,
Make me bow to a crucifix.

I got a new God. In His Book that I read,
Says He knows what it's like to cry,
Says He rose up from the dead.

One who deserves my service, one who changed my world view.
One who sets me free and gives me life that's ever new.
All other gods are through.

I got a new God, one who gives free will.
One who can heal with a touch,
One who won't tell me to kill.

I got a new God, one who hears when I pray.
One who don't care for fancy rites,
One who's gonna steal me away.

One without priest or dervish, cardinal or guru.
One who gave His word to us and every word is true.
To other gods, adieu. (Merci beaucoup!)

solo

I got a new God, once I understood
That He died for all my bad,
When He hung on a cross of wood.

I got a new God, one I can't live without.
One who's holy, pure and such,
Gonna make my faith grow out.

One who deserves all my trust, love and devotion, too.
One who came and died for me and also died for you,
So He'd atone for you. (Was this known to you?)

solo


Saved From the Fire

(parody of "Great Balls of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was a mental hiccup that I dashed off in half an hour and then forgot about. I eventually found it again, and I've finally added it to this page.

What I deserve is a Hell full of pain.
But God’s love severed all my chains.
The Son they killed, His blood was spilled.
God is gracious — saved from the fire!

I laughed at God, thought He wanted my money.
But I was wrong and it proooooved not funny.
You were maligned, then You were dyin'.
God is gracious — saved from the fire!

Miss your message? Mmmm, I would.
You told me again,
You came from above to show a love that's good.
You'd find the lost kind.
Got to tell this world You're divine -vine -vine -vine

They drove the nails, You'd forgive what they've done.
I have to serve You, You're the true God's Son.
I have to praise, all of my days.
God is gracious — saved from the fire!

piano solo

Miss your message? Mmmm, I would.
You told me again,
You came from above to show a love that's good.
You'd find the lost kind.
Got to tell this world You're divine -vine -vine -vine

They drove the nails, You'd forgive what they've done.
I have to serve You, You're the true God's Son.
I have to praise, all of my days.
God is gracious — saved from the fire!


The Sent One, the Herald

(parody of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: a song about a shipwreck somehow became enduringly popular, so I had to parody it, especially because I love doing songs with lots of words. My version is about John the Baptist. If I took a few liberties with the syllable counts, it's because the original singer did, too.

The story lives on from Old Testament on down, of the great God Who calls Himself Yahweh.
The Lord, He had said, "You are all good as dead if you don't seek My face and turn to Me."
He sent John on before, just so all would be sure that he went as a herald to many.
That good man and true had a job he would do when the days of Messiah were ready.

The man did reside on the Jordan's near side, coming out from the desert announcin'
That the One he would show was much greater than those thought they knew all the Law and its reasons.
The Law he confirmed and he constantly affirmed that they all should repent and be kneeling,
And turn to the right, or they'd feel Hell's pangs. Could it be their souls needed a healing?

"All sinned," said the crier, and they all gathered 'round, and the saved acknowledged their failin's.
And more than a few, they were baptized anew, showing which ones remembered God's dealings.
And then came a date that the Lord would consecrate; 'twas the start of Messiah's great mission.
The Lamb of God came to the Jordan plain to be baptized in righteous condition.

The Savior's time came and John tried to hold back, saying, "Master, I'm too rough to please You."
Said Jesus to him, "It's all right." John gave in and they went in the Jordan together.
The Savior didn't sin, now his labor would begin; John was left with his camel apparel.
And later in life, when the Father's time was right, came the end of the sent one, the herald.

Did John ever know how the love of God showed when Messiah called sinners with power?
The Savior did say John was like one who played on a dirge, but no mourners a finder.
He finally stood up to the king and his wife — "To stay with her, you shouldn't ought'er."
Now all that remains are God's graces, and the game of the wife, and the dance of the daughter.

Take warning, those who will praise and will sing all the tunes that they like and will mention,
"The Lord is supreme," but His thoughts might seem quite high and His ways aren't for most men.
And down here below, we can never know the things of great Yahweh transcendent.
May we all up and go when He calls, but won't know the details that impend or our ending.

We'll trust and will follow and always will pray when we're facing the time of our trial.
The church will find there are perilous times for each man who will live as the Herald.
The story lives on from Old Testament on down, of the great God Who calls Himself Yahweh.
The Lord, He has said, "You are all good as dead if you don't seek My face and turn to Me."


Evangelicals and Catholics Together

(parody of "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo" by Lobo)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I remain mystified, and angered, that a group of evangelical Christians (who used to know better) signed off on a 1994 agreement that a particular group of lost souls aren't really lost. The lyrics to this song are somewhat strident. I offer no apologies.

There was a time, so long ago,
When the space between us clearly showed.
My Bible and your Roman doctrines didn't get along.
I would tell you how to be saved,
And you would burn me to an early grave.
But now that time is passed, 'cause now I've got a different song.

Chorus:
You and me and the E.C.T, selling out truth so we can share.
You and me and the E.C.T, it's unbiblical — I don't care.

Now, some friends of mine made a deal.
We'd back away from what is real,
And in exchange, you wouldn't change anything at all.
Though we're far apart as can be,
We just agreed to disagree.
We'll smile at you and say we love you while we watch you fall.

chorus

I can still recall the day
Colson, Bright and Packer came to say
If I tell you the Gospel of Christ, it means that I'm cruel.
It doesn't matter what's wrong or right
As long as we don't dispute and fight,
While you go to Hell and Jesus calls me a fool.

chorus


Free Word

(parody of "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I rewrote this song for one reason: to see if I could take a song that ApologetiX has already parodied, and come up with something different, without being influenced by their version. I'm not sure if my version is as good as their "Cheap Birds," but it ain't bad.

If you leave out words of Scripture, make it say what you believe,
Or if you add words, it only says what you've preconceived.
But if your faith is in Jesus, Who is age to age the same,
Then you're set free by the Word now,
Oh, and this Word will never change.

There's a word in Revelation, 22 verse 18 —
Please don't mess with the Bible, or face suffering unforeseen.
But if your faith is in Jesus, Who is age to age the same,
Then you're set free by the Word now,
And this Word will never change
Praise Jesus, He won't change!

Oh, He won't change
Gonna fly high, set free by the Word, yeah

solo - repeat until Jesus comes back


Gimme Ten Steps

(parody of "Gimme Three Steps" by Lynyrd Skynyrd)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: some song titles just beg for a parody; it's only a question of knowing your Bible well enough to recognize the new set of lyrics when they hit you between the eyes. This one comes from II Kings 20:1-11.

I had caught me a bug, they couldn't cure it with drugs, and it was much worse than the flu.
Then in walked a man who's from God with a plan, and I was thinking my time was through.
He said, "Hey, Hezekiah, you know I'm no liar, God's word will always be true,
And you should say your prayers, and get your house square, 'cause this will be all for you." (I said, "You're losin' me.")

I was sad and mourning for my life, praying in my grief on my knees.
'Cause I beseeched and pleaded, begged and asked, "Lord, I've followed You faithfully."
While I'm reminiscing on things I'd be missing, Isaiah came back anew.
He said, "The Lord, He heard you and He's going to answer. Just pick a sign out for you."

Chorus:
I said, "Gimme ten steps, gimme ten steps, Master, gimme ten steps back, not fore.
Gimme ten steps, gimme ten steps shadow, and I'll know I'm not sick no more."

solo

Well the prophet did say, "You'll live and in three days, you'll go to the house of the Lord.
And I'm telling you, son, the Lord, He ain't done with your years — you've got fifteen more.
He'll return, and He'll screen His town, Jeru-salem, Assyria won't win this war."
And He would heal me, He said He heard me pray, and He would answer 'cause I implored.

chorus


He's Wholly Bananas

(parody of "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I didn't think I'd ever even try to parody this one, since ApologetiX covered it so well with "Sweet Oholibamah," and there aren't many other words that sound like "Alabama" anyway. But one slow day at work, the title hit me, and I realized it was about Daniel chapter 4, in which King Nebuchadnezzar loses his sanity for seven years until he acknowledges the Lord's greatness. So here it is.

(Turn him out!)

Big dreams are for learning.
Daniel, go home and see the king.
He's been praising his own land.
The mist and dew, they're meant for him, because pride is a sin.

Well, I heard Mister Nebuchadnezzar.
I heard he feels full and proud.
Well, it ain't real fun to remember
Stubborn men aren't needed around, anyhow.

Chorus:
He's wholly bananas.
Hair and nails, how they grew.
He's wholly bananas.
Lord sent judgment on him, too.

short solo

In Babylon, he should be humbler. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
"This is what's decreed for you.
"What a way to lose authority
" 'Til God's sovereign over you. Tell the truth."

Chorus:

He's wholly bananas.
God don't lie, He is true.
He's wholly bananas.
Chickens comin' home to roost.

long solo

Now, must you show you've got an offer
And make it known it's seven years for you?
"Lord then picked me up so high.
He brought me back to my kingdom, too, when I was due."

Chorus:

He's wholly bananas.
"To that time, adieu."
He's wholly bananas.
"Lord, He brought me from the dew."

Chorus:

He's wholly bananas.
Dream's no lie, it came true, like deja vu.
He's wholly bananas.
"Praise and glory unto You!"


Samson & Delilah

(parody of "San Francisco" by Scott MacKenzie)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: when Scott MacKenzie passed away in 2012, it seemed reasonable to use YouTube to look up his only big hit. One thing led to another, and this parody came out.

Are you knowing of Samson's tricks, oh?
Are you aware his power's in his hair?
Once you're knowing of Samson's tricks, though,
You're gonna be no friend to peepers there.

They chose to come, but Samson kicks 'em
Every time, 'til he's deprived of hair.
Your deceit has Samson mixed up.
While he's sleeping, content, you'll shear him there.

Bridge:
He has crushed your nation, for a long duration
[He] needs a demotion.
You were his temptation, gave him too much flirtation.
He felt emotion, fleeced by emotion.

And was it dumb of Samson? Think so.
He's unaware for hours in your care.
He's undone; that Samson's tricked-o.
Philistines will be above him there.

Now it's done, and Samson's snipped down.
No more time for he to judge Israel.


Jesus

(parody of "Vincent" by Don McLean)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: This beautiful melody deserves better subject matter than a crazy painter. I wrote the first half in the 1980's, and left it there until the early 2000's, when the ideas for the rest of the song came to me.

Starry, starry night, praying in Gethsemane, “Father, take this cup from me,
Yet not my will, but only Yours be done.”
Peter fell asleep. James and John had closed their eyes,
Too fatigued to sympathize, or watch and pray with God’s most precious Son.

Did they understand the meaning of the wine and bread?
How You’d come to crush the serpent’s head? Did they hear what You had said?
They listened once, but now they dreamed away, and missed their chance to pray.

Day turned black as night, crucified with common thieves, taunted by the Pharisees —
“Come save yourself and prove that you’re the Christ.”
One thief joined right in. The other sang a different song,
“This man has done nothing wrong,” and by his faith, escaped to Paradise.

He could understand the payment for sin’s penalty,
Hanging for the world to see, nailed upon a wooden tree.
He sought forgiveness for his evil past, and there found life at last.

You gave up all of heaven’s glory for
The horror of the cross You bore to pay the price for sinners such as me.
Oh, Jesus, we could never understand, much less deserve, a gift from God like Thee.

Three days and three nights, then the stone was rolled away. You stepped out into the day,
Raised up, just as Your promises had shown.
Now it comes to this: Jesus died to set us free.
Oh, what will our answer be? Salvation comes when we trust Him alone.

Do we understand the meaning of the word You gave?
All our rituals and works can’t save, or redeem us from the grave.
We need to take God’s only cure for sin — “You must be born again.”

We can believe His word and seek His will, serve His holy name until
He comes again to take His people home,
Or we can live our lives in our own names, and fall in flames — the choice is ours alone.

Day turns into night. We don’t know how long we’ll last.
Life flies by, and then it’s past. The way is clear. The choice is up to you.


The Saga Ends

(parody of "American Pie" by Don McLean)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: For me, the more words a song contains, the easier it is for me to write a parody of it. This one is a double parody, since it also borrows bits from Weird Al's parody, "The Saga Begins." This is also the first of my "SongBooks," which covers the main themes of an entire book of the Bible.

A long, long time ago, Jesus told his followers He'd come again.
They stood and watched Him fly away, but He'd be back to rule some day,
But He didn't tell a soul exactly when.

Two thousand years have come and gone, this old world just wanders on,
Farther from the path. We all cry, "Maranath(a)!"
So if you're worried and perplexed, you want to know what happens next,
Just read the Revelation text. They say it's prophesied.

Chorus:
Say bye-bye to the earth and the sky.
Christ's returning and we're yearning for the day we can fly.
This world's been handed to the father of lies.
Maybe read the book and you will see why, read the book and you will see why.

It starts when God's church disappears. A new guy says, for seven years,
He'll bring peace to Israel.
He joins all religions, near and far, into one, no matter where they are,
And the Jews get their temple built as well.

And all the world, from west to east, they wonder greatly at the beast.
His power's undisputed, and Christians persecuted.
And when someone wounds him in the head, he seems to rise up from the dead,
And then the world does what he said. They say it's prophesied.

Chorus:
But we'll be singing, "Bye-bye to the earth and the sky."
Not an ending, for the wedding of the Lamb draweth nigh.
The saints at the supper all dressed up in white,
And we'll eat a kosher Reuben on rye, eat a kosher Reuben on rye.

Now three and a half years have passed. The world's had peace, but it won't last.
The devil's waiting for his day.
Then the beast breaks faith with Israel, proclaims that he is God himself,
And he says all the world to him must pray.

Then the false prophet hits his groove; he makes the beast's new idol move.
The rebels might regret it — they find themselves beheaded.
Then the world sees one of Satan's tricks; to buy and sell, they're in a fix.
They have to take the six-six-six. They say it's prophesied.

Chorus:
We'll be singing, "My, my, things are not looking nice."
Revelation says the nations will believe Antichrist.
With strong delusion, they will fall for the lies,
While they think that they are being so wise, think that they are being so wise.

And all this time, God's been revealed in four living creatures, seven seals,
And the saints sing a brand-new song up there.
Two witnesses speak holy truth, and a hundred forty-four thousand youth
From the Jews take the Gospel everywhere.

Disaster pours from seven bowls to judge men's bodies, hearts and souls.
They know it's God who sent it, but still they won't repent.
Then seven trumpets blow their sound, Jerusalem's encircled 'round,
But soon her foes will not be found. They say it's prophesied.

Chorus:
We'll be singing, "Bye bye to the Antichrist guy.
"You're attacking but you're lacking any power from On High."
The Lord of Lords is coming down from the sky,
Saying, "This will be the day that you die, this will be the day that you die."

The Armageddon battle ends when Christ the King and Lord descends.
The Jews will see Him, mourn, and they'll be saved.
The beast and all who took his mark are sent to where it's hot and dark,
And the Devil, for a while, is locked away.

A thousand years the Lord will rule, with perfect justice as His tool.
His goodness never faltered, but men's hearts were not altered.
Then Satan and his mighty host fight Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
But fire comes down and now they're toast. They say it's prophesied.

Chorus:
So bye-bye to the old earth and sky.
Our new city's looking pretty, it's adorned like a bride.
The Lord will wipe every tear from our eyes,
And we'll glorify the Father on high, glorify the Father on high.


You Can't Get Out of Hell

(parody of "Bat Out of Hell" by Meat Loaf)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I've found that I can do my best parodies on songs with the most words, and this one is right up there. This version flips the original upside down, completely focusing on eternity and our need for a Savior. I consider this one of my best rewrites to date, if that's worth anything. It certainly has power.

Silently dreaming while the Liar is prowling; is now your finale tonight?
There's a being of shadow with no fun in his eye and a hate for the true contrite.
He's evil, so beware — you can wonder if you'll die and the bill is going to come too steep.
And down in sixteen of where the Luke was a-writin',
Oh, I read about a rich man pray for his brothers 'cause the devil is playin' for keeps.

I say your soul's the only thing in your whole world that's meant for Heaven's light.
But whoever you are and whatever you do is never gonna reach that height.
So you gotta get saved, you gotta get forgave now, before your final chance is gone,
'Cause you gotta make the most of this one life you're given —
when it's over, you're done, and that day is unknown.

Chorus:
You can't get out of Hell, it goes on 'til forever comes.
When your life is over, you can't get out of Hell, it goes on, on, on.
You can't get out of Hell, it goes on 'til forever comes.
When your day is done, have you won a crown, or is judgment coming due?
There is a Savior within the gates of Heaven and He's calling on out to you.

Messiah came from Yahweh like a sacrifice lamb on a mission to defeat the night,
When the wood was so hard and the people were angry, but He gave it all to make you right.
Light can never show in an unredeemed soul; I tell you you'll be burning and lost.
Have faith or you can mock — when Jesus takes control,
then all will know Who they have crossed.

You know you're condemned for the wrongs that you did, the many or maybe the few.
But your time is gonna flee and you'll have to depart;
but there's One who's condemned for you.
Even though you're condemned, you know the Lord was condemned, advancing to the light for you.
Even though you're condemned, you know the Lord was condemned,
Though you're condemned, you know the Lord was condemned,
Though you're condemned, you know the Lord was condemned,
Advancing to the light, advancing through the night,
Advancing so He might save you!

I say your soul's the only thing in your whole world that's meant for Heaven's light.
But whoever you are and whatever you do is never gonna reach that height.
So you gotta get saved, you gotta get forgave now, before your final chance is gone,
'Cause you gotta make the most of this one life you're given —
when it's over, you're done, and that day is unknown.

Chorus:
You can't get out of Hell, it goes on 'til forever comes.
When your life is over, you can't get out of Hell, it goes on, on, on.
You can't get out of Hell, it goes on 'til forever comes.
When your day is done, have you won a crown, or is judgment coming due?
You're not a winner before the gates of Heaven have been opened on out to you.
There is a Savior within the gates of Heaven and He's calling on out to you.

motorcycle sounds

I can see you now, facing what you owed —
"Master and captain of your soul," the poet's song.
But the sinner's law says your soul is fried,
And no one's gonna help you then, and there is no escape.
But I can't stop praying for you
'Cause you never see your end on earth until it's way too late.
'Cause you never see your end on earth until it's way too late.

All your trying isn't going to help a bit when you face the Son.
"Warned but missed it," when you could have seen Heaven's light.
Do you think I'm someone who's coming with something to sell?
When at last your life flees, it departs, so fleeting.
Lake of fire for ungodly, and too late to pray — you can't get out of Hell.

Someone dying for your sin upon a hill, and it was God's Son,
Unassisted by the world, bring eternal life.
And to think somebody won't care and will just say "Oh, well."
But at last, will you give Him your heart? He's pleading. He's pleading.
He'll come back for His body, and one final day,
Win the battle of Hell! Win the battle of Hell! Win the battle of Hell!

He'll win the battle of Hell! (we'll be gone when the Lord is come)
Win the battle of Hell! (we'll be gone when the Lord is come)
He'll win the battle of Hell!


I'm a Deceiver

(parody of "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees and Smash Mouth)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: ApologetiX has already covered this song, and done it well. This version was a quickie, but it turned out okay.

I say suffering's just an old-time fairy tale,
Good for Acts, but not for you and me.
The world's not out to get you, no matter how it seems.
You should have no pain if you're redeemed.

Chorus:
Got a smiling face, but I'm a deceiver.
Got no grace, or truth in my style.
You don't know much? Ooooh, I'm a deceiver,
Will you believe me when I lie?

I say God is mostly into giving things,
Whether your beliefs are right or not.
What's with holy living? You don't need that strain.
God'll give you wealth and take your pain.

chorus

The Bible, I'm denying; I just entertain.
Chances are that I've believed in vain.

chorus


Love Words

(parody of "Love Hurts" by Nazareth)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the three Greek words for "love" in the New Testament aren't what you'd call the ideal theme for a rock song. But the parody leaped into my mind, so I had to do it.

First word, eros, in Greek it was.
It means romance stuff. It's real enough,
But it will not remain, it will not remain.
Feelings come and go, cause a lot of strain.
Love words, ooh-ooh, love words.

Next word to know is phileo,
Love the way brothers do, and close friends too.
If this is what you've got, if this is what you've got,
Thank the Lord for friends who know this word or not.
Love words, oo-ooh, love words.

Look in First Corinthians;
A word is in chapter thirteen.
That's the love that God has given.
The word is agape.

His love for me and you, His love for me and you
Sent His Son to die, sent the Spirit too.
Love words, oo-ooh, love words.

solo

I know God's word is true, I know God's word is true.
Let these words apply, you'll be glad you knew
Love words, oo-ooh, love words.
Oo-ooh, love words.
Oo-ooh...


My Savior Is a Rock

(parody of "My Girlfriend Is a Rock" by the Nervebreakers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: This might have been the first Christian parody I ever wrote, or it might have been "Talking Christianese," I don't remember. Regardless, this is a moldy oldie, based on a song that very few people will recognize. I include it in my collection for old time's sake, and to show how far my lyrical skills have improved (I hope).

My Savior is a rock.
My Savior is a rock.
He's the chief cornerstone, now I'll never, ever be alone.
My Savior is a rock.

My heart was like a lock.
The key, He was a rock.
Laid His life down for man; when He came in, my life began.
My Savior is a rock.

Everybody asks me what it's like to serve
Him — does it take guts? Does it take nerve?
I just say He's given life to me
And since I've met Him I've been set free!

My Savior is a rock.
He watches o'er His flock.
He saved my soul for keeps, makes me glad that I'm His sheep.
My shepherd is a rock.

We like to sit and talk.
I like talking with my rock.
Everybody stands and stares, can't understand why I'm praying there.
They don't recognize the rock.

Everybody watch Him up in Galilee.
He walks pretty good on top of the sea.
But He doesn't swim, not quite as good,
As a god made out of wood.

My Savior is a rock.
He stands at the door and knocks.
If only you'd believe Him,
I know that you'd receive Him.
He will set you totally free, give you life eternally.
Let your Savior be a rock.
My Savior is a rock.


True Light's Sending

(parody of "Moonlight Shadow" by Mike Oldfield)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this isn't the best-known song I've parodied, but the original is quite pretty, and I love how my lyrics turned out. They tell the story of Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8:26-40.

The first time Philip ever saw him, brought on his way by the true Light's sending,
He was a mighty Ethiopian, brought on his way by the true Light's sending.
Lost in the middle of a chariot ride, bound away to the other side,
He was reading Isaiah and it didn't sound right, but he couldn't find meaning that's true.

He sees a man who is believing, brought on his way by the true Light's sending.
"Do you understand what you're reading?" brought on his way by the true Light's sending.
He saw the chapter of the suffering Son, there portrayed as a sacrifice,
And he sought to find what the prophet had done, but he couldn't find meaning that's true.

"Please stay, please say the truth of Heaven's Word today.
"Please stay, please say, is this him or another man, I pray?"

From this Scriptural warning, brought on his way by the true Light's sending,
He taught him 'bout reborning, brought on his way by the true Light's sending.
The water was bright and it shone in their sight, on their way by the highway side.
"Tell me, what stops me from being baptized, now I finally found meaning that's true?"

"Okay, this day, if you believe in the only way."
"I say, there's one way, and it's Christ the heavenly Lord and savior."

Caught by the Spirit, Philip vanished in flight.
Now he's bound for Heaven 'cause his soul is alive, and he finally found meaning that's true.


Samaritan Girl

(parody of "American Girl" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: to anyone who complains that the Bible message is biased against women, please note: the first person to whom Jesus confessed his true identity was a woman.

Well, she was a Samaritan girl, breaking promises.
She couldn't help thinkin' that she
Could be a little more wife to someone else.
After all, it was a great big land
With lots of men to get hitched to.
And though she had her five, finally she
Met one other man Who she was gonna keep.

Chorus:
Oh yeah, your Christ made it easy, baby;
Drink a glass of life (drink a glass of life).
She was a Samaritan girl.

Well, He sat down and told her right.
He’s on the road up to Galilee.
Yeah, you could see the Lord stroll by,
Starting John 4:1. He’d save with the word He'd teach.
And that one lesson showed her there.
She found faith in that man, you see.
God is so faithful when someone who’s not close,
He’ll go out of His way to reach.

Chorus:
Oh yeah, do right. Ask the leaders, maybe
Is this man the Christ? (Is this man the Christ?)
She was a Samaritan girl.

Bridge
Intro
Outro


The Hating

(parody of "The Waiting" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: most of my parodies start with a title, and then the lyrics flow easily. This one started with the chorus, which came easily, and then it sat for months while I tried to figure out who the song was about. The Pharisees? Persecutors of the church? It wound up being about false brethren.

Oh, baby don't be fooled by leaven right now
'Cause their teaching isn't what it seems.
Yeah, I've never known doctrine quite that twist-
ed, I fear that they might not ever comprehend.
Brother, they know better but they lie and pretend.
But there's many Bible verses warned me 'bout this.
I said yeah (yeah), yeah-yeah-yeah

Chorus:
They're hating from a hardened heart.
Every day it's more fiery darts.
They undermine faith, they tear the church apart.
They're hating from a hardened heart.

Well, some of them have chased a bunch of women around,
Made every Christian look like a clown.
Some, they would lie to make me feel good,
But never were true to the Word I've found,
And the Lord's the only one Who deserves to get crowned.
But they just wanna live like they're living for now,
I said yeah (yeah), yeah-yeah-yeah

chorus

Don't let it kill you, baby, don't let it get to you.
Don't let 'em chill your faith and, do not forget the truth.
You got to play it smart, don't be a dyin' fool.
Don't let them in your heart, don't let it get to you.

chorus


It's a Turning Away

(parody of "On the Turning Away" by Pink Floyd)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: of all the songs I could think of to parody, did it have to be a song from the band that gives my pastor the worst reminders of his unsaved past? But it's also a song that my best friend really likes. And the message is one that no Christian could possibly have any objection to. Just remember that "repentance" means "turning away from sin," and you'll get the idea.

It's a turning away
From the fail of the Garden.
It's a word we say —
It's "repent," understand?
When you're tempted, it's not a sin.
It's just a place where your old man kicks in.
But you'll find that your joy begins as you're turning away.

All your sin's disallowed.
Sight the straight and the narrow.
Your past comes back now;
Did you fall on your own?
Be aware how you sank like stone
When you fought for your part alone.
I remind you God's on His throne, but He rejects the proud.

All the things that you fight
All your days; they're recurring
As you seek for the right
And you're finding the Lord.
Use the Word and in light remain,
And memorize it and praise His name;
See the new man exchanged for the things that you fight.

Keep on turning away,
Though you're weak and you're weary,
As you're learning to pray
With great boldness applied.
As the Word makes us all aware,
The Lord is just and we'll soon be there,
In the land of our dreams where we'll need no more turning away.


Tithing

(parody of "Money" by Pink Floyd)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was another early "Doctrine Rock" song.

Tithing, so they say,
Is giving God one-tenth of your pay.
Tithing, every cent,
Helps the church run, shows you're obedient.
And if you're robbing God, He can't bless you
Like He would like to, so repent.

Tithing, you can afford
'Cause everything you own comes from the Lord.
Tithing, so we read,
Shows we're trusting God, helps conquer greed.
And if you're seeking to live for God,
He'll give you everything that you need.

Tithing, get my gist,
Is for the church, not some televangelist.
Tithing, some will say,
Forces God to give you more and repay.
But if you give for that reason,
He'll displease you by giving none away.


Sav Lasav, Kav Lakav

(parody of "De Doo Doo Doo" by the Police)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: In Isaiah 28:10-13, the prophet warned the people not to reduce God's word to vain repetitions or they'd miss its meaning altogether. The words "Do and do," etc., in Hebrew are the title of this parody, and suggest a so-called "prophet's" repetitive babbling, devoid of meaning.

Don't thank God divine
If His word you find,
Read it line by line,
Then His rest decline.
And will your reverence reshape you,
Or will His grace and peace escape you?

Chorus:
And sav lasav, and kav lakav, is all God's going to say to you.
And sav lasav, and kav lakav, His word was meant to bring you through.
And sav lasav, and kav lakav, because you won't receive what's true.
And sav lasav, and kav lakav, you know it just means "do and do."

Yahweh's priests did expositions
Of Word of God with admonitions.
Then they gave their own renditions
And no one noticed the omissions.
Now will the Word of God remake you,
Or will you make the Lord forsake you?

chorus


Little Mister

(parody of "Little Sister" by Elvis Presley)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is one of a very few parodies that I set out to write, instead of letting the idea hit me. I realized I'd recently redone songs by the Big 3 bands of the 60's (the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and the Beach Boys), but had omitted Elvis somehow. As I considered this, I also realized that ApologetiX has written several songs about Zacchaeus the tax collector ("Hey Zacchaeus" and "Jericho" come to mind), but I hadn't done any. So I searched a list of Elvis' songs for something that sounded Zacchaeus-like, and as soon as I saw "Little Sister," well, the idea hit me. The song's focus is on Zacchaeus' repentance, because that's where Jesus' focus was.

Little mister, don't you...
Little mister, don't you...
Little mister, don't you climb to see the Christ,
But stay with all your vices one by one.
Little mister, don't you do what the big priest has done.

Well, you heard about the Master
When He came to Jericho.
A sycamore was handy, you'd think Jesus planned it
'Cause He looked right up and spoke:

"Little mister, won't you...
"Little mister, won't you...
"Little mister, won't you give Me an invite,
"To sup with you tonight until we're done?"
Little mister, Jesus knew something big has begun.

It is time to greet the Master.
See the nineteenth chapter [of] Luke.
You've seen that you're evil. You need an upheaval.
Say goodbye to bucks from Jews.

Little mister, won't you...
Little mister, won't you...
Little mister, won't you give your heart to Christ,
Then pay the poor a slice of what you've won?
Little mister, follow through with the good you've begun.

Well, the folks thought you're a big fail
And they turned up their nose.
But mercy's overflowin' and son of Abram knowin' —
Jesus said, "I came for those."

Little mister, you're new...
Little mister, saved too...
Little mister, the abyss would not be nice.
He'll pay for you a price, the risen Son.
Did the Master come for you, and it can't be undone?
Little mister, is it true that your new life's begun?


Hopin' God Will Smile

(parody of "Gangnam Style" by PSY)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I never did a parody of a rap before, and I've been turning several of them around in my head for a while. This one's title suggested itself immediately, but there was one small obstacle: the original words aren't in English, but in Korean. So I just wrote English words that sounded somewhat like the original Korean words. I confess I've horse-danced around my house, singing these words to the original or a MIDI soundtrack of it, making a total fool of myself and having a great time.

Hopin' God will smile. But God won't smile.

Ephesians 2, 8 and 9, I shouldn't have to quote ya.
It says we're saved by grace through faith, not works, is what it told ya.
It doesn't help to give away your stuff or go through torture;
Jesus paid — the — price and bought ya.

There is someone there, who doesn't understand the Word and
There is someone there, enlightening hasn't yet occurred and
There is someone there, who won't believe the truth they've heard and
There is someone there, are you that someone there?

There's some folks, don't seem to know the Word.
They'd earn their love (Hey!), be good enough (Hey!)
What God spoke, don't know if they heard.
They do not know, grace is bestowed.
They try to please Him with good works and giving dough,
Hopin' God will smile. But God won't smile.
Hope... hope, hope. Hopin' God will smile. Nope... nope, nope. God won't smile.

(Faith is the way, babe) Hope... hope, hope. Hopin' God will smile.
(Faith is the way, babe) Hope... hope, hope. Pray-ay-ay, pray-ay-ay.

And then God said it once again, to be sure that He taught ya.
He said, in Titus 3 verse 5, it's grace by which He caught ya.
It's not by works that you have done, but grace that Jesus brought ya
If you'd serve — God — as a soldier.

There is someone there, who hasn't really understood and
There is someone there who thinks that they are saved by being good and
There is someone there who trusts themselves, not Jesus like they should and
There is someone there, are you that someone there?

There's some folks, don't seem to know the Word.
They'd earn their love (Hey!), be good enough (Hey!).
What God spoke, don't know if they heard.
They don't know Who, has brought them through.
They try to please Him by the things they say and do,
Hopin' God will smile. But God won't smile.
Hope... hope, hope. Hopin' God will smile. Nope... nope, nope. God won't smile.

(Pray for the way, babe) Hope... hope, hope. Hopin' God will smile.
(Pray for the way, babe) Hope... hope, hope. Pray-ay-ay, pray-ay-ay.

We'be been warned, it's not how we perform.
Baby, baby, get it right or really warm.
He informed, if you won't be reborn,
Baby, maybe got no more hope, gonna choke, like I say,
Hopin' God will smile.

(Faith is the way, babe) Hope... hope, hope. Hopin' God will smile.
(Faith is the way, babe) Hope... hope, hope. Pray-ay-ay, pray-ay-ay.
Hope in God? You'll smile.


Adonai Call

(parody of "Hammer to Fall" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: The original is a hard-rocking song with very depressing lyrics. My version is about ordinary people whom God has called to do extraordinary things. That could be any one of us.

There he stands, his name is Saul. History will know him as Paul.
On the road, he saw the light. Lord have mercy and restore his sight.

chorus:
He won't waste no time at all. Soon in a basket and over the wall.
In Arabia, he's enthralled. He's just waiting for the Adonai call.

Oh every night, a boy named Dave, would keep the peace in case a sheep went astray.
He'd lift his face to God and pray, building faith but with the flock he would stay.

chorus:
'Til Goliath called his name. Let a stone go and a warrior falls.
Kill one giant, rise in fame. You know it's God who gives the Adonai call.

bridge:
Rich or poor don't matter when the Master calls your name, so go, so go!
The walk means more, the holy war we're fighting unashamed, so go!
Maybe now's the time He'll stake His claim.

For those who lived and were allowed in the shadow of the pillar of cloud,
Convicted by the revealed Word, they just want to see His power, His power, His power.

chorus:
Promised land they're fighting for. It's an ending for the Jericho wall.
Trust in God and say your prayers, while you're working out the Adonai, Adonai call.


Bethlehemian Rhapsody II

(parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: ApologetiX has already done two versions of "Bohemian Rhapsody," both about David's encounter with Goliath. But something happened in Bethlehem that was even more significant than that. Maybe this version will be popular around Christmas time.

Joseph sings:
Is this where my life meets up with history?
Me and my young bride, the fulfillment of prophecy.
Lift up your eyes, a star in the skies to see.
I'm just the Lord's boy, I work in carpentry.
But He had promised from long ago, He'd be nigh, here below.
If He'll pay for sin, no other thing will matter to me, to me.

His mama has known no man.
We were waiting 'til we wed, now we'll have a son instead.
His mama is God's chosen one,
And now she's round and growing every day.
His mama, ooooh, isn't queen — she would deny.
And we'll reach Bethlehem this time tomorrow,
Moving on, moving on, 'cause the Romans want a census.

Today, in Bethlehem,
We've finally arrived, need some shelter for my wife.
Guess what? Everybody came days ago.
Now the inn is full, we find no sheltering roof.
His mama, ooooh (He will pay for sins, though), in a stable has to lie.
My son might wish for a manger and not a stall.

solo

The shepherds sing:
We saw a mighty light, a messenger to man —
It's the truth, it's the truth, and it came from an angel!
He said, "Don't be frightened," promises enlightening, deep!
It's a Savior (it's a Savior), it's a Savior (it's a Savior),
It's a Savior, Christ the Lord!
We need to go!
"Look for a small boy, swaddling for clothing."
We found a small boy there among cows and sheep,
Sent bringing life, solving Genesis 3!
He has come, here below, now we truly know
Fulfillment! Oh, at last we truly know (He has shown)
Fulfillment! At last we truly know (He has shown)
Fulfillment! At last we truly know (He has shown)
Last we truly know (He has shown)
Last we truly know (from years ago!)
Oh, oh, oh, the LORD bestows!
And He will free us, He will free us from the sin debt that we owe.
We'll tell the truth, there's a Heaven and it's ripe for me, for me, for me!

Joseph sings:
So you think you'll dethrone God by killing my child?
So you think you can find Him when He's by the Nile?
Oh, Herod baby, can't do this to my baby.
Just getting Him out, just getting Him out of Judea.

Old dreams have been scattered, now I'll watch and see.
Servant of the Master, servant of the Master, that's me.
(Bet He'll pay for sins, though)


Jeremiah 39

(parody of "39" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: The original song was about time-distortion from space travel at relativistic speeds; only someone like Brian May (who holds a Ph.D in astronomy) would think of setting such a concept to music, and then do it. My version isn't so lofty; it describes God's judgment on Jerusalem.

Jeremiah 39, it was an end to all the years of the kingdom of the Jews.
Here there was no doubt, the city wall was broken down, the saddest sight ever seen.
And the king ran away, but his sons they all did slay, then they tore away his sight.
Jerusalem had its day, all its folk were deportees, It was sacked - no more sin, no more pride.

Chorus:
Did you hear God call, when you sinned your years away?
Now there's no recalling you.
Take the letter from God's hand, may it help you understand
In a land where your transgression's due.

Jeremiah 39 didn't come out of the blue; with many tears, he foretold that day,
How they had to choose God or from their land be torn, for their hearts so readily stray.
Now the time has come to pay, for they chose to disobey, just the way God did foresee.
There's plenty years to go, you'll behold seventy years; your sons sigh, their sons' lives will be free.

chorus

Chorus 2:
Did you hear God call, when you sinned your years away?
Now there's no recalling you.
'Cause you wouldn't understand, God has crushed His town to sand.
No more life — from that dead city, flee.


Kill the Queen

(parody of "Killer Queen" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: When I thought about a parody of this song, the title flashed into my head with no prompting. Finding a Biblical subject to go with that title took some work with a concordance. But when I found that subject, the rest of the words came to me easily. The song would be a bear to play, though.

They kept Joash in hiding, and she doesn't know it yet.
"Let them serve Baal," she says; death is what she's gonna get.
Spiritual malady filled her heart, and we can see
That all the time, a Godly nation was not on her mind.
One son that she did beget. Jehu came and got him, yet
He led the land into vice.

Chorus:
Got to kill the Queen, a good prince is yet unseen.
Time is right for a holy scheme.
Royal seed we're going to find, Athaliah. Oooh,
Wickedness, it has a price, they'll take you down with great delight.
Gonna die!

To avoid royal succession, she killed them all and made a mess.
The generation of princes, they were all suppressed.
Name was Athaliah, son was Ahaziah,
Many sins, criminally mom and son combined.

Jehu came angrily from Ramoth (Gilead)
For kings he couldn't care less. His archery was precise.

chorus

Bridge:
Jehoiada's not for killing as, he knew where the prince was at.
Then brought him out with satisfaction, to the praise of godliness
To resolutely crown that child, child. (now go and get her)

Chorus:
Gonna kill the Queen, a good king is on the scene.
Time is right for a holy scheme.
Beg and plead, there isn't time, Athaliah.
Recompense, it isn't nice, they took you down with great delight.
Gotta die!


Parousia (The Rapture Song)

(parody of "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Okay, so the title doesn't sound a bit like the original. The lyrics come close.

I was just a sinning lad, 'til Christ paid for all my bad.
He made promises; there's one that's dear to me:
He will come again, and then He'll / take His saints; He won't leave any.
Look it up, First Thessalonians 4:13 (through 18)

We won't see Him touch the land, (but) He'll arrive, as He planned.
He'll come pre-Trib, mid-Trib, post-Trib, some will say.
But He's going to pick a time when it's the last thing on our minds.
Maranatha! I can't wait 'til You come for me!

Chorus:
Are, You gonna take us home tonight? Are, You gonna wait 'til morning light?
Oh, You're gonna meet us in the clouds,
And then Your church, it's just with You that they'll be found.
And then Your church, it's just with You that they'll be found.

bridge

Some can't wait until He's shown. Some may hope that He'll postpone.
There's one truth I've seen, and here we all agree:
We can't live a life of leisure while our friends face God's displeasure.
Hey, you humans! Oh, come to Christ so you'll be free. (Now get this!)

chorus

Maybe tonight's the night!

repeat intro & fade


They Wanted Paul

(parody of "I Want It All" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I've always wondered: when the forty-plus Jews swore that they wouldn't eat or drink until they had assassinated the apostle Paul, and God then swept him out of their reach, what happened to them? Did they get a special dispensation from some rabbi to break their vow, or did they starve to death? I'll ask God when I get to Heaven, but in the meantime, this song is about one of the many close calls in Paul's life.

Chorus:
They wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, and they made a vow.
They wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, and they made a vow.

The Pharisees were in Acts 23,
Very good law-keepers, they won't drink or eat
'Til they're finished scheming. They are so devout
With religious anger — what's it all about?
To the Romans asking, "Bring Paul today."
He has got no future, gonna make him pay.

Chorus

"Listen, Jewish people, don't make a sound
'Til we're done with the big plan, gotta put him underground.
Just give us time for our design.
Paul is gonna fear us, but he won't have time."
Over forty fasting, with a tale untrue.
Said they want more info, thinking no one knew.

Chorus

Bridge:
A young man with a Godly mind
Learned what they'd do in the nick of time (he could overhear it)
Paul sent him to talk to Lys-ias, apprise of his demise.
He's believing it all (he's believing it all)
They'll be leaving it all (they'll be leaving it all)

solo

Four hundred soldiers, bunch of horsemen too,
Took Paul to Felix, safe from you-know-who.

Chorus:
They wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, what'll they do now?
They wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, they wanted Paul, what'll they do now?


Tie Yourself On Down

(parody of "Tie Your Mother Down" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one is a little rough on the rhymes and rhythms. If it wasn't a vital message that we all need frequent reminders about, I might not have posted it. I think I did a better job on the same song with the parody after this one.

Down in Romans 12, it talks about yourself
And how we ought to serve the King.
The apostle Paul said to give it all,
And baby, that means everything.

Now a living sacrifice doesn't feel so very nice.
It wants to run away, but on the altar's where we gotta stay.

Chorus:
Tie yourself on down, tie yourself on down,
Turn yourself to God and watch His power come around.
Tie yourself on down, tie yourself on down,
Give the Lord your all tonight!

Don't you be conformed, you should be transformed
By full renewing of your mind.
And then you will know about God's will --
Good and perfect, words of that kind.

The world, it has a mold and it's wanting to enfold you,
Make you fit right in - but baby, don't you buy it, it's a sin.

Chorus:
Tie yourself on down, tie yourself on down,
Make yourself a sacrifice, and mercy will abound.
Tie yourself on down, tie yourself on down,
You can be a friend of God!

Don't you think about yourself too very high,
But only in the faith and judgment that God will supply.

Chorus:
Tie yourself on down, tie yourself on down,
You can kick, kick, kick, kick, kick, kick the devil out of town.
Tie yourself on down, tie yourself on down,
Give the Lord your all tonight!


Try Another Town

(parody of "Tie Your Mother Down" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is my second attempt at new words for this song. I think this one turned out better than "Tie Yourself On Down," but I left that one up on the site in case anyone prefers it. This version is about Jesus sending out His disciples to preach.

There's a lot of towns where you got to expound.
You might get a beatin' maybe.
Some will be contrite, some will put up a fight.
You never know who might decide it's true, baby.

Matthew Ten from one-a, to forty-two on down,
And it's also in Luke 9,
Ain't no way they'll miss hearin' it this time.

Chorus:
Try another town, try another town.
If they don't accept the Word, then keep movin' around.
Try another town, try another town
'Cause they all need the Lord's true light.

Put your peace on a house, if that's what they espouse.
One's all you ever need if you're...
If you're truly wise, if actions don't link forever words
Don't mingle with uncivil nerds like those guys.

If they won't take the light, don't you put up any fight,
'Cause Heaven's kingdom is at hand.
Just put a stop to your peace on that housing.

chorus:
Try another town, try another town
Don't take a bag of money or a stick — get it right.
Try another town, try another town
If they ain't a friend of God.

Your Father gives you power from a Holy Ghost supply
If they won't understand it, take your peace and say bye-bye

chorus:
Try another town, try another town
You can kick, kick, kick, kick, kick your dust onto the ground.
Try another town, try another town
'Cause they all need the Lord's true light.
All need the Lord's true light


We Will Stone You

(parody of "We Will Rock You" by Queen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one is strictly for fun, although its message is perfectly true.

("Thud" is rocks hitting the ground. "Crack" is rocks hitting each other.)
Thud thud crack!
Thud thud crack!
Thud thud crack!
Thud thud crack!

Bud, you're not a goy, made a bad choice,
Manna is your feed, shouldn't seek it on the Sabbath day.
You got guilt on your face, basket case.
Facing the Law, you're finding no grace.

We will, we will stone you! We will, we will stone you!

Buddy, you are Achan, bad man,
Treasure at your feet, God commanded, "Don't you take away!"
But now you will face death's disgrace.
Jericho's gold should have stayed in its place.

We will, we will stone you! (Sinner!) We will, we will stone you!

Jesus, You're the God-man, good man,
Heal the blinded eyes and the sick on the Sabbath day.
And the Jews made a case, they don't know grace,
Missing the point and they are off base!

They will, they will stone you! They will, they will stone you!
Will they, will they stone you? Will they, will they stone you?
No way!

solo


Peter Is a Small-Rocker Now

(parody of "Sheena Is a Punk Rocker Now" by the Ramones)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was the first song I recorded on my new Fostex MR-8 multitracker, because it was a simple song - drums and bass, one guitar, one vocal. The message is also simple; it's from Matthew 16:11-20, and gives a musical explanation of the pun Jesus made on the Greek words petros (small rock) and petra (very large rock).

Well, the Lord said this rock's where My church will go.
It's ready to grow now.
The word is petra and it means a great big rock below now.
But it's just not the same
As the word that's Peter's name.
The two are not the same at all, oh yeah, oh yeah!

chorus:
Peter is a small-rocker
Peter is a small-rocker
Peter is a small-rocker
Peter is a small-rocker now.
(repeat)

bridge:
Well he's a petros, a small-rocker
Petros, a small-rocker
Petros, a small-rocker
Petros, a small-rocker

Well, some folks get real worked up 'bout a Holy Joe.
They call him the Pope now.
They think it's 'cause of that little Jesus and Pete tableau now.
But it's just not the same
As the word that's Peter's name.
The two are not the same at all, oh yeah, oh yeah!

chorus
bridge
chorus


Transubstantiated

(parody of "I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: please understand, I do not hate Roman Catholics. But wherever their teaching contradicts the Bible, I have issues with that teaching. Oddly, I've done two parodies of Ramones songs, and both of them are about aspects of Catholicism.

Any, any, any small wafers here — no! They're transubstantiated.
They're made of God, although it doesn't show. They're transubstantiated.
Just bring your golden chalice, ring your little bell.
Hurry, hurry, hurry, before I go to Hell.
I've made all my confessions, my penance done as well, oh no-o-o-oh-oh.

Any, any, any small wafers here — no! They're transubstantiated.
It's not in the Book, tradition tells me so. They're transubstantiated.
Just lift it in the air and say, "The body of Christ?"
It's been a couple hours since God was sacrificed.
He isn't very filling, and doesn't taste too nice, oh no-o-o-oh-oh.

Pa-pa-Papa, a-pa-pa-Papa, they're transubstantiated.
Pa-pa-Papa, a-pa-pa-Papa, they're transubstantiated.
Pa-pa-Papa, a-pa-pa-Papa, they're transubstantiated.
Pa-pa-Papa, a-pa-pa-Papa, they're transubstantiated.

Is it, is it, is it just a small thing — no! Not transubstantiated.
How can a Godly miracle not show? It's unsubstantiated.
Because if that's how Jesus had meant it way back then,
Disciples would have left Him so fast your head would spin,
Because the Law of Moses says eating blood's a sin, oh no-o-o-oh-oh.

Is it, is it, is it just a small thing — no! Not transubstantiated.
Faithful were burned alive 'cause they said, "No, not transubstantiated."
Jesus said, "It's finished," that means it's paid in full.
Kill Him o'er and over, you're breaking Jesus' rule.
You don't believe the Bible, you make yourself a fool, oh no-o-o-oh-oh.

Pa-pa-papa, a-pa-pa-papa, not transubstantiated.
Pa-pa-papa, a-pa-pa-papa, not transubstantiated.
Pa-pa-papa, a-pa-pa-papa, not transubstantiated.
Pa-pa-papa, a-pa-pa-papa, not transubstantiated.


Signin' My Life Away

(parody of "Drivin' My Life Away" by Eddie Rabbit)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: When Jesus saves you, He doesn't expect you to lay back and enjoy your eternal security; He expects obedience, now that He's bought you with a price. If you love Him, this won't be a hard thing to do.

Flee the dark night, get right, find it when you come to light.
He said I was dead, Son of God paid for my crimes.
He redeemed my soul, man.
I should be lifer, stacking up my debts, though
Now I've been forgiven all my wrongs 'cause He paid it all.
It's Him that I'm owing.

Chorus:
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Nothing that I have to pay, not me.
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Gonna follow Him today.

Well, I'm stuck on truth, be-coming clear to me.
Bible taught me how to abide in His grace and His mercy.
It isn't just a maybe.
Oh, Spirit, show me more of what I should be,
Kneelin' down, prayin' up; life without dyin' is a lie way.
Hooked on my reborning.

Chorus:
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Lead me and I will obey. Show me.
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
You're the potter, I'm the clay.

In the dark night, invite Jesus when you are contrite.
Works dead, faith instead, show Him now, faking's not kind —
He's gonna be knowin'.
You'll pay the piper, slippin' out of life, or
You can be forgiven by the Son 'cause He paid it all.
Your heart He'll be controlling.

Chorus:
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Never gonna go astray, not me.
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Help me not to disobey.

Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Maybe take me far away, or near.
Ooh, I'm signing my life away.
Not afraid of Judgement Day.


Now, Judah

(parody of "Brown Sugar" by the Rolling Stones)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Judah, son of Jacob, was hardly someone you'd call a positive role model. It was his idea to sell his brother Joseph into slavery, and his treatment of his daughter-in-law Tamar was beyond scandalous. Yet God chose him as the ancestor of King David and his royal line, and ultimately of Jesus Himself. Why? It's just another proof that God loves us, not because of who we are or what we do, but in spite of those things.

Sold Joe, slave from brother, so it seems.
Goin' down to Potiphar and no more dreams.
You deceive your father, is it all right?
How'd you get to live, the first among twelve tribes?

Chorus:
Now, Judah, how come your fate's so good?
Now, Judah, who ever thought you would?

Sometime on the road, saw a babe that's hot.
Lady was a harlot and was your daughter-in-law.
Oh, boy, now you got to treat her real nice.
David's your descendant, how'd you get that right?

Chorus:
Now, Judah, not sure you understood.
Now, Judah, who thought that you'd make good?

You told your papa you would intervene
And watch your brother, named Benjameen.
You're no angel but you did it all right.
How'd you get to be ancestor of our Christ?

chorus

I said Yah...weh... chose... you!
Not 'cause you, not 'cause you act so good.
Yah...weh... chose... you!
I said Yah...weh... chose... you!
Not 'cause you, not 'cause you act so good.
Yah...weh... chose... you!


Sadducee Faction

(parody of "Satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: my church's worship leader just bought a Telecaster, which made me think of bands that are known for playing Tele's, and the Rolling Stones came to mind. Just like that, I had the title for this song, and the words took me about half an hour to hammer out. This is Jesus singing about how people didn't understand His message.

I can’t get through (to the) Pharisee faction. I can’t get through (to the) Pharisee faction.
Don’t know why, though I try; when they die, they could fry.

I can’t get through! I can’t get through!
They have tried but went too far.
Son of Man, He’ll die to pay for souls,
But those fellows don’t want to know.
They make up rules and regulations,
A-tryin’ to earn their soul’s salvation.
I can’t get through! No, no, no!
They say nay. So I’ll just pray.

I can’t get through (to the) Sadducee faction. I can’t get through (to the) Sadducee faction.
It’s no lie; I came nigh. When they die, they could fry.

I can’t get through! I can’t get through!
In Matthew Two-two, two-three,
Some of them came on to test me:
“Whose wife will this girl be?”
But they don’t understand what the Lord has spoke
In Exodus, chapter 3.
Verse 6 says so! Mo wrote so!
They say nay. So I’ll just pray.

I can’t get through (to the) Gentile faction. I can’t get through (to the) Gentile faction.
Will they fly to the sky? When they die, they could fry.

I can’t get through! I can’t get through!
I’ll be dyin’ for the world.
I’ll be down three days and then rise – a fact,
But they’re tryin’ to be so good.
They tell me, “Savior, we don’t need that stuff that you speak,
“’Cause we tithe and turn the other cheek.”
I can’t get through! No, no, no!
They say nay. So I’ll just pray.

I can’t get through. I can’t get through. I can’t get through
To all those factions. There’s no attraction. There’s no reaction. I get no traction!
I can’t get through!


I'll Pray For You

(parody of "I'll Play For You" by Seals & Crofts)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was an easy one to rewrite, once I finally got it started. It's a simple message, but one that we all need to hear now and then.

I'll pray... for you. I'll pray... for you. I'll pray... for... you.

Tonight while the Light is guiding and the pow'r of God is on, I'll pray for you.
For many could be the blessings if the Lord's will I can find, obey for you.
But I'll pray for you, to pray and follow through.
If I say that I'm your friend, then it should be right you can depend —
I'll always pray for you.

Chorus:
Hear the plan! Here's the plan! Don't you let yourself be swayed by fear of man.
Just need Christ, you don't need clever.
Don't you ever stop believing, let the Spirit guide, you see;
Now hear the plan! Here's the plan! You can pray and intercede with holy hands.
And these few moments can count forever, if I pray for you.

I've served Him many years and I have learned it's good to pray if I may with you.
My life, it isn't long, but He has taught me many days to pray for you.
To say to you, "The Lord is ever true."
And I'd like for you to be, whatever God calls you to be.
You'll always be special to me.

chorus


No Ocean Will Be Fine

(parody of "Love Potion #9" by the Searchers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one hit me while I was recycling cans and bottles for the deposit money. I have no idea why. But it's one of the few I've come up with that are in the same category that J. Jackson of ApologetiX comes up with by the dozen — perfectly Biblical and perfectly true, with a solid message, yet funny in places.

Someday the heaven and the earth that's new —
You know, the place with streets of gold, and you
Will see nothing bad, everything is redesigned.
There is a sea of crystal and, no ocean will be fine.

For those who trust the One on crucifix,
And those who say "no" to the 666,
We all will be calm, all our tears He will be dryin'.
From sin we'll be freed and, no ocean will be fine.

Bridge:
It never will get dark, we won't need forty winks,
And no one ever sins and gets locked up in the clink.
There is a tree of life with leaves for healing, I think.
It's held for those who chose so wise, they all can drink.

We won't be seeing any day or night.
We won't be missing it, for God is light.
And worship never stops, there's no temple or a shrine,
And Christ will be our model and, no ocean will be fine.

solo
But Hell's for those who chose unwise — I beg you, think!

We won't be seeing any day or night.
We won't be missing it, for God is light.
We're never going to stop praising Jesus' name divine.
There will be no more battles and, no ocean will be fine.
No ocean will be fine.


(If) The World Is Your Own

(parody of "A World of Our Own" by the Seekers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I John 2:15 warns us, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him." Too many Christians seem to take this passage as a suggestion, rather than as a command and as a warning. This world is not our home; we should not put down roots and get too comfortable here.

It is your life, all right, you live it as you like.
When your prayers have been muzzled and your life isn't right,
Will His call fade away? You're living alone
When you live like the world is your own.

Chorus:
But if the world is your own, I know that I am scared
And tomorrow you'll grieve (o'er) what you'll find out there.
I don't know if you're blind, or just disinclined,
But you live like the world is your own.

He gives love from above, He's tried to prove He's just —
"Only I can be keeping you; you're wrong, you won't trust."
But you've tripped in His race, your heart's not His throne.
Can you be without your Cornerstone?

Chorus:
But if the world loves its own, it doesn't want to share,
And the Spirit is grieved and is pining there.
I don't know what you'll find, but it won't be kind
When you live like the world is your own.

solo

Chorus:
But when the world is disowned, you're casting all your cares.
If you just will receive, you will find He's there.
If you guard heart and mind, you'll seek and you'll find
When you live with this world all disowned.

2nd half of chorus:
And I know God is kind; once free, you will find
He'll forgive, for your Lord has atoned!


Backslidin' Away

(parody of "Slip Slidin' Away" by Paul Simon)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the idea for this one hit me in the middle of church. I jotted some notes, and put it together during the inevitable slow day at work. The original didn't seem to be about much in particular, aside from being depressing. This version definitely has a topic, namely, calling yourself a Christian when your life doesn't show any evidence of it.

Backslidin' away, backslidin' away.
You know I fear for your situation, I know you're backslidin' away.

I know you, man. You used to want a crown.
You've chosen fashion, songs and women and they've torn you down.
You know the Lord is nigh, always near,
But love for truth, it isn't flowering; I'm afraid that you were insincere.

Backslidin' away, backslidin' away.
With all your fear and hesitation, I know you're backslidin' away.

You're only human, the same as I.
It is His grace that you're abusing for eternal life.
He's got a good way; His Word explains,
But it's a bad way when you're acting dead and thinking things that might be sin.

Backslidin' away, backslidin' away.
You know you appear to have salvation, but I know you're backslidin' away.

And I know the Father, He sent His Son.
You know He died to set us free from all the things we've done.
You ought to obey all that He's sayin'.
You'll miss his joy and you will weep unless you turn around and make Him Lord again.

Backslidin' away, backslidin' away.
You know you yield to all temptation, and I know you're backslidin' away.

God truly knows how we began.
He makes salvation so available to immoral man.
You're going to sob, if you won't obey.
I see you sliding from the right way and it's sad you're backsliding away.

Backslidin' away, backslidin' away.
You know you need some alteration, 'cause I know you're backslidin' away.

Backslidin' away, backslidin' away.
Like Laodicea in Revelation, I know you're backslidin' away.


I'd Rather Have My Christ

(parody of "El Condor Pasa" by Simon & Garfunkel)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Paul Simon took an ancient Andean folk song and wrote some vague philosophical-sounding lyrics for it. I got it my head one day, and kept thinking "I'd rather... I'd rather... I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold!" The lyrics from that old hymn, rearranged somewhat, go nicely with the older Andean melody.

I'd rather have my Christ than much fine gold.
Riches untold, make my heart grow cold.
Homes or lands, He commands, led by His hand.

I'd rather have my Christ than men's applause.
I own His cause, and I cannot pause.
I'll not claim, worldwide fame, just His name.

bridge:
I would not choose to be a king, vast domain, hill and plain,
Or give myself to sin's dread sway, night and day, turned away.
So I sing, of one thing, Christ my King.

solo

He's fairer than the flow'rs of rarest bloom
The sweetest known, honey from the comb.
I've been freed, He meets my need, I let Him lead.
You've been freed, He meets your need, let Him lead.


The Prodigal

(parody of "The Boxer" by Simon & Garfunkel)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I've done several songs about the Prodigal Son. It's a parable that should resonate in every Christian's heart, because we've all been there.

I am just a poor boy, and my story’s often told.
I have squandered my inheritance on a life of dissipation, sin and recklessness.
I had it all, ‘til I turned away from Father’s truth and toward temptation’s call.

When I left my home and my family, I was no more than a boy
In the company of sinners, on the road to distant cities where adventure called.
How I did spend all my money on the women and on parties for my friends,
Never dreaming that someday it all would end.

Chorus:
Help me, Lord! Help me leave my past behind.
Help me, Lord! It’s Your grace I need to find.
You’ve been on my mind.

When my money was exhausted, I went looking for a job
But I got no offers, ‘cept a Gentile who gave room and board for watching pigs.
I do declare, I was hungry and so desperate, I took employment there.

chorus

Now I’ve given up my foolish ways, I’m on the road for home, going home —
Will my father’s servants’ quarters have a place for me?
Place for me? Going home.

By the front door stands my father, and the look upon his face
Is all joy and celebration, as he praises God, he laughs, he cries,
He flings his arms around me, and my dirt, my rags, my shame —
“Please forgive me, I’m not worthy,” but my father’s love remains.

Chorus:
Praise you, Lord! You’ve forgiven all my sin.
Praise you, Lord! From this day, I’m born again.
(repeat)
Life will never end.


Dancing With the Ark

(parody of "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I heard this song on the radio while at work, and the theme for the parody hit me immediately. But I really don't know the original very well, so I kind of winged it. I wrote it before ApologetiX came out with their version.

God has blessed Obed-edom, 'cause the Ark's been there for many days.
Gonna move it this morning, and bring it to its rightful place.
Now I'm really inspired, man I required the Levites to move it themself.
Hey there baby, don't judge if you won't join and help.

Chorus:
Can't start a prayer, can't start a prayer if your heart's dark.
This king's aware, of his God and he's dancing with the Ark.

Now the message is clear, put it on a cart, it's out of place.
And we went down in fear, my God is just too holy for our race.
Now we're soon gonna be there, rejoicing, gonna jump like this.
Our God is answering prayer. Michal, you just stop throwing fits.

chorus

Bridge:
You sit and watch out the window, just a linen ephod is what's on me
I'll take the rest off my shoulders. Don't care just what you think of me.

March up the streets of our town, and we'll be taking it where it's right.
God said His name will be holy. Hey, lady, I'm just rejoicing tonight.
I'm hurt by your reaction, I'm sick of you just sitting, giving me a look.
You're losing your attraction. God's brought me a ways from my shepherd's crook.

Chorus:
Ain't got a prayer, 'less you're a man after God's own heart.
Just leave it there. I love God and I'm dancing with the Ark.
Can't start a prayer, can't start a prayer if your heart's dark.
This king's aware, of his God and he's dancing with the Ark.


Cheap Salvation Blues

(parody of "Existential Blues" by Tom T-Bone Stancus)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is an unabashedly weird parody of an even weirder song, which may be familiar to listeners of the Dr. Demento radio show. I wrote it many, many moons ago, and it's held up better than most of my early attempts at parody.

Hey, man, do you believe in the gifts?

The elusive Holy Ghost has just tiptoed past my door.
My buddy likes the fundies, he says, "Hey, Michael, what's the score?"
I say, "I think the guy behind me's reading Maccabees, Book 4.
Are the Mormons gods-in-training? Christian Science, what a bore."

I see so many doctrines, what answers should I choose?
Is it Baptist propaganda or just cheap salvation blues?

The evangelists from church have been scorching my soul
When they quote from Revelation, and I'm losing all control.
And I'm sinking in the quagmire of "Confess it and possess."
I cry out, "I believe in Jesus!" but my life is still a mess.

I see so many doctrines, what answers should I choose?
Is it charismatic excess or just cheap salvation blues?

Praying, praying, what is tradition, what is truth?
Praying, praying, for more of the cheap-salvation blues.
God bless America, and our elders too.
May they always rule o'er us with threats, guilt, and cheap salvation blues!

Hey! Bom and-a-bom a-bom a-bom-bom and-a-bom and-a-bom a-dang a-dang-dang —
Interpretation, please!

I was on a quest —
"To dream, then interpret my dream..."
"Walkin' down the aisle one day, doo-dah, doo-dah..."

I was walking down the aisle, I was looking for the way, the truth and the life, when I came across all these little people, little people, little people all around me. They looked up at me and said, "Hey, Brother, are you saved?" I said, "Yes, weird little wonders, I think I'm saved, but who are you?" And they looked up with their big, tired, bloodshot eyes and said,

"We are the hospitality committee, -tality committee, -tality committee,
And in the name of the hospitality committee, we wish to welcome you to Christian-land." I said, "Hey!"

Hey, weird little wonders, I'm on a quest,
"To dream, then interpret my dream."
"Walkin' down the aisle one day, doo-dah, doo-dah..."
I'm looking for the way, the truth and the life; where do I do, who do I see —

They said, "Slow down, Brother! In order to find the way, the truth and the life, one must see... the PASTOR!"

I said, "The PASTOR? Well! Where does this pastor-O-wise-one minister?"

They said, "You see the big, green glow-in-the-dark cross up on the wall?"

I said, "Yes, I see the big, green glow-in-the-dark cross up on the wall. But there's a big, dark altar between me and the big, green glow-in-the-dark cross up on the wall! And a little old deacon with a Schofield Reference Bible saying, "I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dogma, too!" And I don't even have a little dogma...

Such tribulations! I must forge ahead,
"To dream, then interpret my dream..."
"Walkin' down the aisle one day, doo-dah, doo-dah"
I said, "Kids, I can handle the big green glow-in-the-dark cross up on the wall, I can handle the big dark altar, I can handle the little old deacon, but it's a very strange aisle you're sending me down! I've seen well-worn strips down the middle of aisles before, but, kids, uhh, never quite that wide!"

All right, straighten your ties, brethren, and sing like the worship leader:

Follow the Romans road! Follow the Romans road!
Follow the, follow the, follow the, follow the, follow the Romans road!
If ever, oh ever, a whiz there was, that pastor of ours is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because...
Because of the way he reads Four Laws, la-la-la la-la-la la, amen!
We're off to see the pastor, that wonderful pastor of ours!

Well, I got tired, "Walkin' down the aisle one day, doo-dah, doo-dah..."

I got a little bit tired walking down this dirty yellow-carpet-covered aisle, so I pulled myself off into a little prayer room, and I'm right in the middle of a field of beautiful flowery speech. And it (sniff) sounds so good, I figured, "Well, I'll just stretch out in this field of —

Prophecies! Prophecies! Prophecies! Oh God, oh God, oh God —
Strange vision, man. Well, anyway, I'm looking around, and they sound so good, the ol' pastor is just gonna have to wait, man, 'cause I'm gonna take me a little nap in this field of —
Prophecies! Prophecies! Prophecies! Oh God, oh God, oh God! Jonah, Jonah, Jonah! Philippians, Philippians, Philippians, Rrr, Rrr, Rrr —
Along came a shiny new Yamaha bike with a Windjammer fairing, screeched to a halt, a funny little man with a long, pointed nose, toting a Bible from the NAS, strolls over, says, "Hey, Brother?"

I said, "Man, don't persecute me — prophecies, prophecies, prophecies!"

He said, "But I just want to touch base with you! Because I sense in the Spirit that you have a burden you need to share."

I said, "Wait a moment! This man speaks Christianese — he must be... the PASTOR!"

It must be the pastor, that pastor of ours!
Why have you come to counsel me, O pastor of ours?

I said, "O Pastor-O-wise, I've been on a quest —
"To dream, then interpret my dream..."
"Walkin' down the aisle one day, doo-dah, doo-dah"
I was walking down the aisle —
"We are the hospitality committee — "
"Follow the Romans road, Follow the Romans road — "
I got tired —
Prophecies! Prophecies! Prophecies!
I said, "Man, I think I'm going to Hell!"

He said, "Hey, slow down, brother, relax."

I said, "But, Pastor-O-wise-one, I've come so far to find the way, the truth and the life!"

He said, "Hey, slow down, brother, relax. 'Cause to tell you the truth — "

"Pastor, that's what I've come to find is the truth!"

He said, "No, no, brother, you've got me all wrong. You see, to tell you the truth, brother, uhh, how can I tell you this, I've been out in this prayer room a long time myself, and I've come to find that the only truth is right here in this Bible."

I said, "Pastor!"

He said, "No, truly, truly, Brother. In fact... I'd rather have this Bible declared to me than... an eclair described to me!"
"How absurd, Pastor!"

Some girl with psychic power asked me, "Michael, what's your sign?"
I said, "Repent, you sinner!" (I think I blew her mind.)
I'm hearing, "Be a Clone," by some fruitcake named Taylor.
So I'll just turn the tape off — he sounds like such a failure!

I see so many doctrines, what answers should I choose?
Is it Oral Roberts begging or just cheap salvation blues?

Is it Oral Roberts begging?
Is it charismatic excess?
Is it Baptist propaganda?

'Mazing grace, how sweet the sound, cheap salvation blues!


No-No Song

(parody of "No No Song" by Ringo Starr)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was one of what I call "mental hiccups," parodies that I dashed off without any desire to do anything profound, just for the fun of it. But I revere God's Word so deeply that it winds up being profound, even if I didn't mean for it to turn out that way. Thus, we have the oddity of a parody that's less humorous than the original song.

A man I know came from a church down in the U.S.
He smiled because I did not understand.
Then he spoke out, he said "confess and possess."
He said that it would force the Father's hand.

And I said, "No no no no, I won't claim it no more.
I'm tired of faking stuff from the Lord.
No thank you please, it's just a faith disease.
This is not the truth — it leaves me floored."

A woman that I know came from a church that's alight.
She smiled because I did not understand.
Then she spoke out, she said that "laughing is right."
She said the Spirit's blessings would expand.

And I said, "No no no no, I won't 'Ha!' no more.
I'm tired of faking stuff from the Lord.
No thank you please, you're leaving God displeased.
This is stuff the Bible has deplored."

A man I know came from a church from right down the hall.
He smiled because I did not understand.
Then he spoke out, he said that "love wins it all,"
'Cause no one goes to Hell — that's not the plan. (spoken: And we won’t be smoking!)

And I said, "No no no no, I won't buy it no more.
I'm tired of faking stuff from the Lord.
No thank you please, you've got the world appeased.
This is not the Word — there's no accord."

I just said, "No no no no, you won't fool me no more.
I'm tired of faking stuff from the Lord.
No thank you please, I want no lies like these,
They're not in the Bible that's my sword."


Pharaoh Said "No"

(parody of "No No Song" by Ringo Starr)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: This is my second version of the No No Song. Unlike most of my parodies, which hit me in moments of inspiration, I sat down to write this one for a specific reason. Our church holds a Messianic Seder every year, in which we see how the elements of the traditional Jewish Passover ceremony point to Christ, the Messiah. One part of the ceremony I don't like is the song we have to sing about the Ten Plagues, which is a totally lame parody of "My Darling Clementine." I was convinced I could do better than that.

The Pharaoh told us "no," we can't go worship Yahweh.
I prayed because he did not understand.
Then God called out, "Hold out your staff all the way,
"And watch as I bring plagues upon the land."

Chorus:
Pharaoh said, "No no no no, you won't worship the Lord."
Then God turned all the water to gore.
"No thank you please, just ask your frogs to leave."
Then God sent a plague of lice galore.

The Pharaoh told us "no," we'd never leave his domain.
I prayed because the Lord, he did withstand.
Then God called out, "He will not make you remain,
"He can't prevail against My outstretched hand."

Chorus:
Pharaoh said, "No no no no, you won't worship the Lord."
And then God sent some flies in a swarm.
"No thank you please, my livestock's all diseased.
"All these boils, they really make me sore."

The Pharaoh told us "no," he'd never let us all go.
I prayed because he would not understand.
Then God called out, "My final wonders I'll show,
"And soon he'll gladly send you from the land."

Chorus:
Pharaoh said, "No no no no, you won't worship the Lord."
The hail destroyed all Egypt some more.
"I will be pleased when swarms of locusts leave.
"Now it's dark and I can't find the door."

Chorus:
Pharaoh said, "No no no no, I give up in this war.
"My firstborn's lying dead on the floor.
"You've been set free, take treasures if you please.
"Leave this land and go to serve your Lord!" LyricsDec 2021


A Race Unfit for Heaven

(parody of "The Class of '57" by the Statler Brothers)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: these lyrics were definitely inspired by a poster listing the failings of many of the heroes in the Bible. The original song is about how people's dreams of youth seldom pan out the way they expected. Put the two together and you get one of the very few songs that my wife and I have sung together in church (she likes the Statler Brothers).

Thomas was a doubter, Jonah ran away,
All disciples fell asleep when they were supposed to pray.
Zacchaeus was a tax man, Jacob was a liar,
And Moses made excuses to the bush that burned with fire.

Rahab was a harlot, Noah liked his wine.
Job thought he could prove God wrong, although God is divine.
Three times, Peter denied Christ and left Him in the lurch,
And Paul threw saints in prison and made havoc of the church.

Chorus:
We're a race unfit for Heaven, so it seems. Oh,
Do you think you'll save yourself with your great words & deeds?
Or maybe you'll just change the word of God to fit your needs,
But those paths just lead to Heaven in your dreams.

Timothy was fearful, so was Gideon.
Aaron was the first high priest, but still he died from sin.
David had Uriah killed, and took Uriah's wife.
Sol'mon worshiped pagan gods, and Samson took his life.

Samuel raised his children wrong, Elijah got depressed.
One Samaritan woman wasn't known for faithfulness.
Martha couldn't hear the Lord, she worried endlessly.
If you think that God can't save you, He saved them, and He saved me.

Chorus:
We're a race unfit for Heaven, so it seems.
And being good is not the way; that's not the Bible's theme.
It's not complicated. Just read John 3:16.
Jesus' grace fits us for Heaven by all means.
Jesus' grace fits us for Heaven by all means.


Reelin' From Your Fears

(parody of "Reelin' In the Years" by Steely Dan)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I'm not a huge fan of the band, or the song, but the riff that starts the solo is something I love to play. These words are about Israel's unbelief in the desert.

Your everlasting slavery, it came to an end at last.
Pharaoh said, "Take all our riches, just get out of Egypt fast."
Well, you couldn't have crossed the Red Sea 'til God turned it to dry land.
The ways that you're forgetful, I just can't understand.

Chorus:
Are you reelin' from your fears? Scornin' the Lord's design?
Did the chariots disappear? Did you think the Lord was lyin'?

You've been gathering manna ever since Exodus 16.
In all that time, you've longed for Egypt's onions and their greens.
You've weakened in your faith, though He gave water in the sand.
The ways that you're ungrateful, I just can't understand.

Chorus:
Are you reelin' from your fears? Scornin' the Lord's design?
Are you grumblin' with your peers? Did you think the Lord was lyin'?

You've walked a lot of miles and you've spent a lot of time.
You're scared of just three giants, and it's nothing but a crime.
After all that God has done for you, you shunned the Promised Land?
The unbelief you're showing, I just can't understand.

Chorus:
Are you reelin' from your fears? Scornin' the Lord's design?
You'll be travelin' forty years. Did you think the Lord was lyin'?


Sins Sent from Government

(parody of "Incense and Peppermints" by Strawberry Alarm Clock)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I get very vexed sometimes when members of our government spit in God's face with their words and their actions. This song is my idea of a Godly response to that problem, set to a psychedelic-rock classic. The key lyric is "Can't fix politics, seek what is true."

Good sense, common sense, I cannot find.
Spending many things, debt unconfined.
Invasions, evasions boggle the mind.
Sins sent from government, should be a crime.

Chorus:
Few care, the rest excuse.
Truth isn't in the evening news.

Sins sent from president wearing a crown.
Time out, time in, time to wise up now.

Bridge:
Look at your soul, look at your soul. Saved yet?
Look to your soul, look to your soul. One chance, yeah!

Christ's bride collides, with their world view.
Leave your pride by wayside 'cause it's long overdue.
Can't fix politics, seek what is true.
Conflicts, God predicts there will be a few.

chorus:
He cares the way we choose.
Your little sins can make you refuse.

Pretense, on the fence, eyes can be blind.
One King, all loving and righteous combined.
Malaysians, Caucasians He came to find.
Repent, be content, life unconfined.

chorus:
Choose prayers, and sin refuse.
Life will begin with King of the Jews.

Repent, or you'll lament
Repent, don't circumvent

"sha la la" outro:
Saved from law. Heart must thaw.
Don't withdraw. Stand in awe.
Saved from law. Heart must thaw.
Don't withdraw. Stand in awe.


Theological Song

(parody of "The Logical Song" by Supertramp)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: Coming up with the title for this one was like shooting fish in a barrel, but the content was another story. Literally. I set out to use a bunch of lofty theological concepts, but got nowhere. I wound up writing about the human progression from childlike innocence, to sin, to seeking comfort in a works-based religion (it doesn't matter which one, they're all the same in the end), to finally turning to Christ. If that isn't theological enough for you, see me after class.

When I was young, I wanted life that was peaceable, spiritual, devotional, with miracles.
But what I heard and I read, it was convicting so heavily, powerfully, painfully touching me.

And then I fell right away, to reach a life indefensible, illogical, irresponsible, impractical.
And it showed what I learned, and God became so expendable, inimical, ineffectual, ridiculed.

When a life eternal's what I seek,
The cost has run too steep;
I'm such a sinful man.
I won't freeze — it's Hell where I'll get burned.
I know it’s what I've earned.
Please point me to I AM.

They taught me a way, so they would not call me heretical, sensual, unteachable, subliminal.
But now I find there’s a Name, and I can see Him as merciful, approachable, all-powerful and knowable!

He died, for all the world to free,
And rose again, did He;
It's such a simple plan.
And if Jesus tells us He's the Word,
My heart, I've found, is stirred.
Please bring me to the Lamb, to the Lamb, to the Lamb!


Frogs Aren't Much Fun

(parody of "Fox On the Run" by Sweet)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this for my junior-church class. The kids didn't recognize the parody, but they liked the song anyway.

I-I think it’s a crying shame,
'cause Pharaoh mocked God’s name
So God sent plagues galore.
Okay, the Nile has lost its bloody trace,
But amphibians have filled this place.
They’re covering the floor.

Chorus:
Frogs aren’t much fun.
It seems that every one has come a-hopping.
Try to run inside from God’s next plague.
Froggies are not done! F-froggies,
Frogs aren’t much fun by night and day.

You-you, you make me watch out where I stand,
And you’re croaking throughout all the land (all the land!)
You hopped through my front door.
I-I don’t want to play this game,
So go back where you came,
From Exodus 8:4.

Chorus:
Frogs aren’t much fun.
It seems that every one has come a-hopping.
Try to run inside from God’s next plague.
I just stepped on one! Disgusting.
Frogs aren’t much fun; they won’t go away.

(solo)

Chorus:
Frogs aren’t much fun.
It seems that Pharaoh isn’t done with hopping.
"Take them all tonight" is not his way.
Frogs die in the sun! They’re nasty.
Frogs aren’t much fun for one more day.


Movin' On Over

(parody of "Move It On Over" by George Thorogood)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one really was a mental hiccup. It doesn't teach any Bible verses, and it won't point anyone to salvation. But at the same time, it does recount a true story, and it reminds us of God's power and His faithfulness to keep His promises. Maybe it's not such a hiccup after all.

All the Israelites got a promised land;
You Amorites got a debt of sin.
Be movin' on over, duck and find cover.
Move over, little gods, the one true God is movin' in.

He warned you, don't let sin abound,
But you done let your Baal be found.
Be movin' on over, runnin' for cover.
Move over, small gods, a great big God is movin' in.

With water from rock and aid in war,
Elohim's gonna win for sure.
Be movin' on over, duck and find cover.
Move over, men's gods, a jealous God is movin' in.

He'll put you out 'cause of your iniquities.
Pretty soon you'll push up daisies.
Be movin' on over, divin' for cover.
Move over, false gods, the real God is movin' in.

Don't listen to your gods and prophets prophesyin'.
That sounds forced and just like lyin'.
Be movin' on over, run and take cover.
Move over little gods, a mighty God is movin' in.

When the Jews, they knock on your front door,
The land's free, just like He swore.
Be movin' on over, runnin' for cover.
Move over little gods, a holy God is movin' in.

Be movin' on over. You are all hosers.
Gonna sock you down under, under the clover.
Move over, fool gods, the one God is movin' in.


Child King

(parody of "Wild Thing" by the Troggs)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: okay, so this isn't the most serious parody I ever wrote. It's a fun one to sing, it requires very little talent to do, and it's an honest summary of King Josiah's life. Enjoy it for what it's worth.

Chorus:
Child king!
There's much rejoicing
When you start ruling, truly.
Child king.

Child king, I think you love God.
But I need to know for sure.
So come on, do what's right.
...you love God.

chorus
ocarina solo

Child king, I think you'll improve things.
But I need to know for sure.
So come on, do what's right.
...you'll improve things.

chorus, repeat & end


That Don't Impress God Much

(parody of "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I'm not a huge country-music fan, but many people are, and I don't want to leave them out when it's time to sing about the Lord. This song is about people who think they can save themselves by their own efforts.

I've known a few guys who had some truth to impart,
But you've got your religion, learned it by heart.
You're such a theologian, with total recall
Of every Bible story from Creation to Paul.

Oh-woh, think your works are helpful? Oh-woh, you think you'll save yourself?
(Okay, so you're not a Scientologist.)

That don't impress God much.
So you've got the facts, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and Life. That don't impress God much.

I never knew a guy with such cash in his pocket
To give to the church to buy a Heavenly place.
And if you think the Lord needs all your dough, gonna shock ya,
'Cause Heaven forbid you could pay for God's grace.

Oh-woh, think your works are helpful? Oh-woh, you think you'll save yourself?
(Okay, so you gave a gift.)

That don't impress God much.
So you've got the cash, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and Life. That don't impress God much.

You're one of those guys who likes to look squeaky clean.
You make us all think you never committed one sin.
I can't believe you've never been contrite
Or come to Christ to tell him, you need His mercy, right?

Oh-woh, think your works are helpful? Oh-woh, you think you'll save yourself?
(Okay, you're pretty good so far.)

That don't impress God much.
So you've got the deeds, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and Life.

That don't impress God much. Now you've got the truth, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and the Life. That don't impress God much.

spoken
Okay, so what do you think of Jesus the King?
Whosoever! That don't impress God much!


Extreme Love

(parody of "Dreams" by Van Halen)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I was first exposed to this song as background music for the Navy Blue Angels flight team at an air show. This variation is about people who are reluctant to accept God's free gift.

World twists wrong and right. Picture all this ending soon.
Your life needs turnin' 'round, 'cause it's all untrue.
Teachers all boldly sing, teaching a lie.
Baby, thus said the King,

There's a fire for liars and all that kind.
You want higher, you're required to change your mind.

Run, run from the Way, with your pain from the world's attack.
Got the truth back in your mind, He calls if you will ask.
Understand, He redeems, ever in the light.
Well, thus said the King,

There's a fire for liars and all that kind.
You want higher, you're required to change your mind.

So, baby, why deny saved by the power of Christ?
Oh, that's extreme displayed love.
Even though you're wrong, He's been near you all along.
Is that what you're afraid of?

There's a fire for liars and all that kind.
You want higher, you're required to change your mind.
He'll inspire your desire, that's how we're designed.

So, baby, why deny saved by the power of Christ?
Oh, that's extreme displayed love.
Even though you're wrong, He's been near you all along.
Is that what you're afraid of?

And to the end, Lord wants to be your friend,
'Cause that's what Life is made of.


Dead Works

(parody of "Dead Skunk" by Loudon Wainwright III)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: if there's a song that doesn't need to be turned into a Christian parody, it's this one. Very few top-40 songs ever deserved to be taken less seriously. But the idea hit me, and it wasn't a bad one, and here are the results. If they bless you, great. If not, that's okay.

"There is a highway," once said Christ.
"You people turn left or you people turn right.
"You will not trust the Savior, Morning Star.
"Your works get quashed and au revoir."

Chorus:
You know your dead works keep you off the narrow road,
Dead works keep you off the narrow road,
Dead works keep you off the narrow road
If you think you will find Heaven.

It's a gift to see the Spirit blows
On people trusting in Sharon's Rose.
You don't have to work, you just have to agree
That Jesus paid for sin for you and me.

chorus

Yeah, you got your dead pride, it's instead of God.
If you turn from light, it's just a dead facade.
Got your dead habits and your dead facts, too.
His blood and His cross, they should be all for you.

chorus
C'mon, think!

chorus

Turned off the road.
Chasin' dollars, man!
They're dead, they're noncommittal,
And they're thinkin' they might find Heaven.


Through Blinded Eyes

(parody of "Behind Blue Eyes" by the Who)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story of the man born blind (John 9) has always been one of my favorites, because it's one of the few times when Jesus did a miracle and the recipient really understood what had happened and why. Don Francisco's song on this passage, "Since I Met Him," is and always has been my favorite song. This is a pale imitation, but it uses the power of Pete Townshend's melody to convey the same timeless, inspiring message.

No one knows what it's like to be the blind man,
To be confined, man, through blinded eyes.
No one knows what it's like with light faded,
Life degraded, and all that that implies.

But my dreams, they are as distant
As my eyesight seems to be.
Spend my hours, beg for money.
My life is darkness. I'll never see.

No one knows what it's like to seek a healing
Like I do, my eyes made new!
No one's sight came as hard, but I have it.
Can I explain it, though? God came through!

But my dreams, they are unlawful
To the scribe and Pharisee.
I spent hours cross-examined
'Cause on the Sabbath, I shouldn't see.

up tempo
And they twist my new lack of groping
Because Christ sent me to that pool.
Now it's a trial — Sabbath is bad news.
The power of God has broken their rules.

But did I follow anything evil?
I said he's from God, no doubt.
"He's a sinner," they said, "don't you thank him,"
Called me names, then they threw me out.

original tempo
No one knows what it's like to be a banned man,
To meet the God-man, to find new life.


Won't Play Fools Again

(parody of "Won't Get Fooled Again" by the Who)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: like many of my parodies, this one really isn't funny, because it's about heresies in the churches of God.

Some will fight Christians they meet, saying, "Just read KJV,"
While the chorus of our worship stretches on.
And the men who got it wrong preach a message to the throng.
They decide truth is shot; just get along.

Chorus:
I'll turn my back on the truth's prostitution, turned around from the worldly pollution.
I won't sin, though its traces may abound.
Read my Bible and obey, trust God every day, then I'll get on my knees and pray
We won't play fools again.

It's strange, the fads have come. The churches got it wrong,
And they deviated from the Master's call.
First they laughed in Jesus' name, but that just got too tame,
So the scammers, they intoned, "Go bark and roar!"

chorus

Bridge:
"To prove that God's really going to provide,
"And be happy, healthy, here's how to try:
"Send money for favors from God up on high."
Oh, I know televangelists wouldn't lie.
(Would they?)

Their love is incomplete. They've gone adrift from what should be,
And the frozen turn their face toward the lie.
Of the truth, they are bereft. Of the wrong, they say, "It's right,"
and I fear they are no longer in the Light.

chorus

YEAH-H-H!
It's a true loss, shamed by the old Cross!


Err to Be Stupid

(parody of "Dare to Be Stupid" by Weird Al Yancovic)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: the original song was a parody of the style of Devo, so I guess this is a compound parody. It's one of many songs I've written that points out some of the falsehoods that have taken root in the church. It doesn't say much that those other songs don't say, but it says it in a Devo-esque way.

Put down your Bibles and listen to me — it's time to look for new ways to fight.
It's time to let KJV grow into an idol, 'cause other versions are not right.
You better get up in arms on back-masking. You better cry, "Christian rock is all trash!"
You better tell some lies that sound sublime, so you can find yourself too rich for cash.

You better squeeze all the money you can, by raising the umbrell' of power.
Top your head with some awful hair and be a preacher-man.

Talk — word of faith now. Write a book to feed you.
Write off when your tax is due. That's what we do. Err to be stupid.

Please a crowd that's fickle. Look — they come to church now!
Don't ask if they got saved now — That's not allowed. You can err to be stupid.

You can shun the koine Greek. You can let the Hebrew slip.
You can say it's in the Spirit when a lady starts to strip.

Err to be stupid! Come on, you can err to be stupid!
It's so easy to do (Err to be stupid)
We're all leaning on you (Err to be stupid) Let's go!

It's time to make a protest out of a funeral — a soldier died 'cause we got queers.
There's no more time for crying over the lost, or defending truths we once held dear.
Settle down, stop your thinking, join the PTL, pay some sensible dues that they'll manage well
And live a life of ease while your friends say farewell, off to Hell! You can err to be stupid.

God will give you what you wish. You can bark and laugh and roar.
It's like I said, the Lord will take me if you all don't give some more.

Err to be stupid! Come on, you can err to be stupid!
It's so easy to do (Err to be stupid)
We're all leaning on you (Err to be stupid)

Build your church on brand-new trends — look, the old-time faith is out.
All the Muslims are Jesus' friends.

You can be a fervent deceiver, you can drive a Cadillac and be a Holy Ghost-griever.
The choice is up to you, so what you gonna do?
Err to be stupid! Err to be stupid!

What did God say? (Err to be stupid)
Who cares what God said? (Err to be stupid)
It's all right (Err to be stupid)
We can make stupid look right (Err to be stupid)
Join the crowd (Err to be stupid)
Truth's not allowed (Err to be stupid)
Facts are clear? (Err to be stupid)
Okay, they're unclear now (Err to be stupid)
Err to be stupid (Err to be stupid)
Err to be stupid (Err to be stupid)


God's Love

(parody of "Good Lovin'" by the Young Rascals)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: This was a quickie. I'm sure it's been done in a similar vein many times by others. But the message is timeless.

One, two, three!

Chorus:
God's love! God's love! God's love! God's love!

I was feeling so unloved.
I called out to my heavenly Father above.
I said, "Father! (Father!) What can I do? (What can I do?)
"How can I work, my way to you? (My way to You?)"

He said, "No, no, no, no way!" (No, no, no, no way!)
"To receive, you must just believe, in —"

chorus

I said, "Jesus, are You there?
You said that I could find You if I call in prayer.
I said, "Jesus (Jesus), is it true? (Is it true?)
"It's not what I did, it's all about You?" (All 'bout You?)
He said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, amen." (Yeah, yeah, yeah, amen.)
"You believe, and then you'll receive —"

solo
chorus


Genesis 25:25

(parody of "In the Year 2525" by Zager and Evans)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this one for my friend Ed, who is seemingly one of the few people who likes the original.

Genesis 25:25, first baby Esau arrives,
then Jacob's born alive, and it starts.

Genesis 25:28, Jacob cooked food and Esau ate.
Jacob said, "Your birthright first." Esau really came out worst.

Genesis 27 verse 5, Jacob and his mom cooked up a lie,
Also cooked Isaac's favorite stew. Jacob stole the blessing, too.

Genesis 27:41, Esau found out what Jacob had done.
Jacob did not want to die, so he said a quick goodbye.

Genesis 28:11, Jacob had a dream of Heaven.
God promised to keep him safe. Jacob worshipped when he was awake, woah-woh.

Genesis 29 verse 4, Jacob went to Laban, son of Nahor.
He worked seven years for his wife, got her sister and the shock of his life.

Genesis 30, verse 20, Rachel wanted kids, Leah had plenty.
Rachel then did overreact, and their handmaids got in on the act, woah-woh.

Genesis 30, verse 30, Jacob got all the sheep that looked dirty,
Striped or spotted, he ran a scam, so he got all the healthy lambs.

Now Jacob has twelve boys, he knows a rich man's joys.
With him and Esau, all is well, and his new name's Israel.
He's camping in the land God gave to Abraham.
But his troubles aren't quite done, not with Joseph as a son...


Who Is Like the Lord?

(parody of "Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this to give me an excuse to sing with our church worship leader and his family, because the father, mother, and daughter had excellent voices but they needed a fourth voice to make a quartet. It's a song of praise; the title is the meaning of my name, Michael, in Hebrew.

Soprano verse:
When I look around me at the marvellous design of Your creation,
All the mighty power when You made it goes beyond imagination.
Simply You said, "Let there be," and there was
Light, and the land and seas, and the sky full of stars, the moon and sun.
Life, the flowers and trees, living creatures, You made each one.

Soprano chorus:
Praise You, God on high, creator of all things. None could deny
The power, the greatness of You, Lord of the heavens.
With each breath You give, I'll sing of Your glory, long as I live.
For You are the maker of all. I am Your workmanship.

Tenor verse:
When I look at who I am and how far I had fallen from Your glory.
Then I look at what You've done for me, for me,
Sent Your only Son to die for me.
Paid my ransom, set my spirit free, so free to worship Thee.

Tenor chorus:
Praise You, God on high, my savior and master, Jesus Christ.
Much higher than angels are You, You are Messiah!
How can I repay the debt that I owe You? There is no way.
I'll serve You each day of my life, honor Your name and I'll

Chorus together:
Praise You, God on high. You faithful ones worship, angels reply,
"All holiness unto the Lord," bow down before Him.
Worthy is the Lamb, of honor and glory, wisdom and strength,
And riches and blessing and pow'r, evermore!


Joyful, Joyful, We Bravely Adore Thee

(parody of "Touch the Sky" from "Brave")
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is a simple mash-up of the music of "Touch the Sky" and the words from the hymn, "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee." I feel very joyful when I sing it.

Joyful, joyful, we adore Thee, God of glory, Lord of love;
Hearts unfold like flow’rs before Thee, op’ning to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; drive the dark of doubt away;
Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day!

Field and forest, vale and mountain, flow’ry meadow, flashing sea,
Singing birds call us to rejoice in Thee.

Na na nah-na, na na-nah na-nah na-nah
Na na nah-na, na na nah-na, na na-nah na-nah na-nah

Thou art giving and forgiving, ever blessing, ever blest,
Wellspring of the joy of living, ocean depth of happy rest!
Thou our Father, Christ our Brother, all who live in love are Thine;
Teach us how to love each other, lift us to the joy divine.

Ever singing, march we onward, victors in the midst of strife.
Lead us on in the triumph song of life.

Na na nah-na, na na-nah na-nah, in the triumph song of life!
Song of life!


Creation

(parody of "Tradition" from "Fiddler on the Roof")
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was a quickie, inspired by an offhand comment from a teen who was helping me teach a junior-church lesson on creation. It repeats what the Bible says, namely, that Father, Son, and Holy Spirit were all involved in the creation process.

Creation, creation!
Creation!
Creation, creation!
Creation!

Who, in six days, made everything that's living,
Waters and the heavens, sun and moon and stars,
And who made the seventh day a day of rest,
To worship God in church and home?

The Father, the Father!
Creation!
The Father, the Father!
Creation!

Who was there to hover when the waters were
So dark, and earth was cold and bare?
Who convicts the world of sin and judgement there,
Just like it says within the Holy Book?

The Spirit, the Spirit!
Creation!
The Spirit, the Spirit!
Creation!

My power's there to hold all things together, what was made.
The Church will be a bride for Me in that... new city.

And who came down to preach, like prophets all predict,
To pay for sins of many upon a crucifix?

The Savior, the Savior!
Creation!
The Father! The Spirit! The Son! The Godhead!
Creation!


Let Them Grow

(parody of "Let It Go" from "Frozen")
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I fell in love with this song when I heard it. I've parodied it several times, mostly in the fan-fiction stories I've written using "Frozen" as my baseline. This version is about the spiritual attributes in 2 Peter 1:5-10. The best response I've gotten to this version was after I sang it as special music in church one night; a cute little three-year-old girl came up to me afterward and said, "You sang Elsa!"

The truth shows bright in the children of light with a power yet unseen.
The kingdom's in Revelation, but down here, He's made us clean.
Our sins are calling, but our Pearl is of great price.
Jesus died for sins; Heaven fills my eyes.

Don't just begin; don't let it be; seek the good Lord, and always ask and seek.
To seal the deal, how should you go? I'll tell you so —

Let them grow. Let them grow. These attributes all are pure.
Let them grow. Let them grow. Make your call and election sure.
If you dare, add in all these things!
Let the world rage on. The world never promised you anything.

Your faith will give resistance to fiery darts and all.
And to faith, you should add goodness, ‘cause that’s the way we're called.
And then, to seek and find what's true, to your goodness, add some knowledge, too.
Know right from wrong, if you'd be free. You'll need...

Self-control! Self-control! It's the one that tells sin goodbye.
Self-control! Self-control! 'Til you're in the sweet bye-and-bye.
Understand — you'll need to pray, while the storms rage on...

(spoken during the bridge)
The more you grow like this, the more you will become productive and useful in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Then perseverance lets you bear up when you're downed.
You know you're finding, when you're chosen, attacks are all around.
And then add godliness; it's God whom you have asked.
Recall this glowing fact — you'll meet your God at last!

Let them grow! Let them grow! And put brotherly kindness on!
Let them grow! Let them grow! Let perfect love be strong.
Then you'll stand, 'til that final day... Let the Lord reign on!
The world cannot conquer the one who's saved.


Do You Hear God's People Sing?

(parody of "Can You Hear the People Sing?" from "Les Miserables")
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this as part of a grandiose project, a rewrite of all the songs in Les Miserables, but changing the story line to be about a missionary. I never got any further than this song, which is a ringing call to the Lord's service.

(verse; quietly)
Do you hear the people sing, singing the song of faithful men?
It is the song of those who serve the Lord Who died and rose again.
Every people of the earth, Jesus has bought them with a price.
Now it's for us to speak and point them to Paradise.

(bridge; building)
By the power of the Spirit and the power of the Word,
Will you go where none have known Him?
Will you speak 'til all have heard?
Though demons oppose us, our mission will not be deterred!

(verse; strong)
Will you join the Lord's crusade? Will you be strong and stand with me?
Will you commit your life in faith to spread the truth that sets us free?
Do you hear the distant drums? Say, do you hear the people sing,
Working for Christ 'til He returns as our Lord and King!

(verse; very strong)
I will join the Lord's crusade! I will be strong and stand with you,
Ready to pray, to give, to speak, to go 'til all things are renewed.
I can hear the distant drums, and I will join as people sing,
Working for Christ 'til He returns as our Lord and King!
Ahh- ahh- men, our Lord and King!


Never Dine with a Philistine

(parody of "Never Smile at a Crocodile" from Peter Pan (the Disney version))
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is "the other song of Moses," encouraging the Jews to be faithful to God's Law. The song is the clock-ticking theme that plays whenever the crocodile enters the scene, looking for Captain Hook.

Never dine with a Philistine.
He will only fill your plate with unclean swine.
Don't be taken in by a Bedouin;
He's imagining new ways for him to make you sin.

Don't share bites with the Jebusites.
You'll regret that meal for many days and nights.
One thing you... can't afford... is to tick... off the Lord.
That's a sign you shouldn't dine with Mister Philistine.

(bridge)
You may like your unleavened bread,
Keep the kosher law when you're fed.
But beware when you, stuff your face, in the place, where God sent, and you went.

Never dine with a Philistine.
He will feed you pork and serve it with strong wine.
There'll be bacon and eggs for breakfast, then
For your supper, there'll be butter, dip the lobster in.

Canaanites offer food delights,
But the food's entangled with their pagan rites.
Don't you eat... their livestock... or your faith... will be knocked.
Just decline and never dine with Mister Philistine.

(bridge)
You remember what the Lord said.
"Laws will keep you where your God led.
"If those other tribes you'd displace, by His grace, don't forget. That's a threat."

Never dine with a Philistine.
He just wants to lead you to his idol shrine.
Don't be joining in with his worshippin',
'Cause his god is half a man and half a fish with fins.

Don't spend nights with the Moabites.
All their temple priestesses are cute, all right,
But they'll draw... you away... from the one... true Yahweh.
Toe the line and never dine with Mister Philistine.


I Am the Very Model of a Modern Fundamentalist

(parody of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from Pirates of Penzance)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I love Baptists, I really do (otherwise I wouldn't be one). But we have this penchant for replacing believers' freedom with new lists of laws and commandments, and that just isn't what God intended for His church. This is the fourth time I've parodied the Modern Major-General song; the other three were for my hobbies of model railroading, miniature wargaming, and Pirate games, and the public at large wouldn't understand a word of them.

I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.
I hate the Pentecostals and the liberals and the mentalists.
I have a lot of tracts from Chick to show you how to get to Heav'n,
And I won't read a Bible if it's not King James Sixteen-Elev'n.

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters theological;
I understand the doctrines taught with methods pedagogical.
I know soteriology, I love hamartiology,
With many fearful facts of Revelation eschatology!

(With many fearful facts of Revelation eschatology!
With many fearful facts of Revelation eschatology!
With many fearful facts of Revelation eschatolo-, tology!)

You shouldn't speak in tongues and you could go to Hades if you dance,
And God despises men with longish hair and ladies wearing pants.
In short, I'm not a charismatic or a transcendentalist,
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.

(In short, he's not a charismatic or a transcendentalist,
He is the very model of a modern fundamentalist.)

I know all our distinctives in the Baptist church economy,
The Biblical authority and local church autonomy,
The priesthood of believers and two ord'nances, not sacraments,
The individual freedom and the separate church and government.

I know we just have pastors and the deacons — they are not the same.
I also know that when I pray, I have to say, "In Jesus' name."
I know some psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, there are a lot of them,
But I won't touch a note of that infernal nonsense, CCM!

(But he won't touch a note of that infernal nonsense, CCM!
But he won't touch a note of that infernal nonsense, CCM!
But he won't touch a note of that infernal nonsense, CC-, CCM!)

Then I can list the Bible books, all sixty-six, so have no fears,
And whistle all the hymns if they go back at least a hundred years.
In short, I'm not a charismatic or a transcendentalist,
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.

(In short, he's not a charismatic or a transcendentalist,
He is the very model of a modern fundamentalist.)

slow down
In fact, when I know what is meant when they call me a legalist,
When I can tell why my self-righteousness tops God's illegal list,
When such affairs as mercy and forgiveness I'm more wary at,
And when I know how not to wind up like Judas Iscariot,

When I can sing a joyous hymn and not sound like a threnody,
When I know more of righteousness and grace than any Kennedy,
In short, when I am living what I always read and said was true,
speed up again
You'll say a better fundamentalist has never sat a pew!

(They'll say a better fundamentalist has never sat a pew!
They'll say a better fundamentalist has never sat a pew!
They'll say a better fundamentalist has never sat a, sat a pew!)

I've read the Bible front to back but don't get the intent of it.
I've memorized John 3:16 and that is the extent of it.
But still, I'm not a charismatic or a transcendentalist,
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.

(But still, he's not a charismatic or a transcendentalist,
He is the very model of a modern fundamentalist.)


51 Names of Jesus

(parody of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from Pirates of Penzance)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: songs with lots of words are lots of fun to work with. This version (in contrast with the version above) goes through 51 Biblical names of Jesus in rapid-fire fashion. It's just one verse of the original.

He’s King of Kings and Lord of Lords, He’s the Beginning and the End,
The Bread of Life, Chief Cornerstone, the Mighty One, the sinner’s friend,
The Advocate, Beloved Son, the Door and the King of the Jews,
The Resurrection and the Life, the Alpha and Omega, too.

The Bridegroom, the Deliverer, the Master and the perfect Lamb,
The Dayspring and the Lord of All, the Prophet and the great I AM,
Rabboni, Mediator, Second Adam and Immanuel,
Faithful and True, Messiah, Christ, Redeemer came to save from Hell!
(Faithful and True, Messiah, Christ, Redeemer came to save from Hell!)
(Head of the Church, the Lion of Judah, gift that’s indescribabell)
(The Author, Fin’sher of our Faith, Light of the World, Our Hope, Our Peace as well.)

He’s Son of God and Son of Man, the Son of David, Great High Priest.
He’s Wonderful, the Counselor, the Mighty God, the Prince of Peace.
Good Shepherd and God’s only Son, the Savior and the Risen Lord,
The Rock, the Way, the Truth and Life, the True Vine, Shiloh, and The Word.
(Good Shepherd and God’s only Son, the Savior and the Risen Lord,)
(The Rock, the Way, the Truth and Life, the True Vine, Shiloh, and The Word.)


Jesus Changes Everything

(parody of "Love Changes Everything" from "Starlight Express")
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I rewrote this for a reason, but I can't remember what it was. It's still a nice song of praise.

Jesus, He made everything, earth and heaven, sea and sky.
He is Lord of everything, when we live and when we die.
He redeemed us from the fall. When He died, He gave (us) a lifeline.
Yes, Jesus changes everything. He can save us from the flame.
He will never ever let you be the same.

Jesus changes everything. Faith is deeper, the Word means more.
Jesus changes everything. Prayer is sweeter than before.
He has made His grace abound, gives you life that none can sever.
Yes, Jesus changes everything. He'll forgive you for your shame.
He will never ever let you be the same.

Often in this world of woe, we're fighting failures, facing fears.
The Lord steps in and suddenly, when we call Him, now He hears.
He makes fools of all the wise, but He'll guide you if you trust Him.
Yes, Jesus changes everything. Give all glory to His name!
He will never ever let you be the same.
He will never ever let you be the same.


Great Is Your Faithfulness

(parody of "I See the Light" from "Tangled")
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: our church worship leader challenged the church to come up with new arrangements to the classic hymn "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" (to which his bride had walked down the aisle). As far as I know, I was the only one to make the attempt, and nothing ever came of it. This is a simple mash-up of the hymn's words and the Disney song's melody.

(Your) Faithfulness, is so great, my Father.
With You, there's no shadow turned to see.
You don't change, Your love won't fail, but rather,
As You were, You'll be.
Summer, win-ter, springtime and the harvest,
Sun, moon, stars, coursing on above,
All express Your faithfulness,
Your mercy and Your love!

Chorus:
For Your faithfulness is great!
And it never has subsided.
Yes, Your faithfulness is great!
Every morning, mercies new.
Every need I could relate,
With Your hand, You have provided.
(Your) Faithfulness, is so great, my Father,
Giv'n to me from You.

Pardon for each sin that I've committed.
Peace through all, I know it will endure.
Cheer and guidance, just as You predicted.
Your Spirit makes me sure.
You give hope to bring me to tomorrow.
You give strength to get me through today.
Blessings sure, with thousands more
You give along the way!

Chorus:
For Your faithfulness is great!
And it never has subsided.
Yes, Your faithfulness is great!
Every morning, mercies new.
Every need I could relate,
With Your hand, You have provided.
(Your) Faithfulness, is so great, my Father,
Giv'n to me from You.


A Wonder, God

(parody of the "Underdog" theme)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: please don't ask me where I got the idea to do a parody of this song, because I really don't know. The theme of the new lyrics is one I've covered before, and will probably cover again; it's kind of a pet peeve of mine.

Subliminal or overt, it's clear
For those who have the ears to hear
That "walk by faith's" a plan that's dear
But some will shout, "Please show us, here,
"A wonder, God!" (A wonder, God.)
"A wonder, God!" (A wonder, God.)

Seek His righteousness, don't wander.
Cryin' for signs is just a blunder.
Trust in God. Ah-ah-ah-ah, wonder not. Trust in God!

When in this world, you have to read
In Matthew 16:4, concede
That Jesus made it clear indeed
The Pharisees weren't guaranteed
A wonder, God. (A wonder, God.)
A wonder, God. (A wonder, God.)

Seek what's right, don't go for wonders —
A mighty fall might pull you under.
Trust in God. Ah-ah-ah-ah, wonder not. Trust in God!


The Promised Land

(parody of "America" from West Side Story)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I was listening to some Leonard Bernstein music, minding my own business, when the idea for this one leaped at me, demanding fulfillment. The Israelites' stubborn refusal to obey the Lord in the wilderness, no matter how many wonders He performed for them, boggles the mind. But would we really have done any better if we'd been there? This version is from the movie, not the Broadway production.

Moses (intro:):
Land of Egypt, we've been delivered.
Never go back to that river.
Always the people were groaning;
When I first came, you're nearly stoning.
Once again, you're moaning
'Bout the land you're deeming
Bad, and now you're scheming:
"We like the kingdom of Pharaoh.
"Let's go back, straight as an arrow!"

(chorus:)
Moses: You ought to be in the Promised Land.
Crossed the Red Sea for the Promised Land.
Enemies flee in the Promised Land.
God set us free for the Promised Land.

People: We had it good by the big Nile.
Joshua: Same place that you used to revile?
People: Plenty of water and food there.
Caleb: "God, set us free!" was your heart's prayer!

(chorus:)
People: We like the land of the Pyramids!
Moses: Where they enslaved you and killed your kids?
People: If we go on, we will hit the skids.
Moses: Going back there is what God forbids!

People: We'd rather go back to the Nile.
Joshua: Now the Egyptians are hostile.
People: Now we're out here in a wasteland!
Caleb: Safe in the shadow of God's hand!

(chorus:)
Moses: God brought us right to the Promised Land!
People: We're full of fright at the Promised Land!
Moses: We'll win the fight for the Promised Land!
People: Giants have height in the Promised Land!

People: It's a good land, but we're too small!
Joshua: Trust in the Lord and we'll claim all!
People: Better back there than to die here!
Caleb: God will be with us, so don't fear!

(chorus:)
Moses: Follow the Lord to the Promised Land!
People: Canaanite hordes in the Promised Land!
Moses: There's a reward in the Promised Land!
People: Die by the sword in the Promised Land!

People: What about Jericho's big wall?
Joshua: I have a feeling it will fall!
People: We want the onions and the leeks!
Caleb: Don't disobey when the Lord speaks!

(chorus:)
Moses: Oh, how you'll dine in the Promised Land!
People: We've got no spine for the Promised Land!
Moses: Things will be fine in the Promised Land!
People: We are declining the Promised Land!


John, Barely Formed

(parody of "John Barleycorn" (traditional))
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this old English folk song has been recorded by Traffic, among other artists. A friend at church suggested I write a parody of it; I toyed with the idea, kicked it around, looked at it from various angles, and then the whole thing hit me at once. It was just a question of getting it to rhyme and scan.

In thirty-nine, chapter one, Luke has said
That Mary came with child.
Elizabeth came to greet her now,
John, barely formed, inside.
By now, they've known God's hallowed within,
For God had truly said
That these two women who could not have child
Were bearing sons instead.

Now, Zechariah's wife was past her prime,
But the angel from Heav'n did call.
And the father of John showed his faith was dead;
I'm amazed he lived at all.
Because he sinned, got his voice took away
‘Til the coming of the plan.
The father of John couldn't talk, just hear,
An unbelieving man.

That angel went up to Nazareth,
To a town in Galilee.
He called out to Mary, a virgin chaste,
Saying, "Hail, the Lord's with thee."
He said then 'twas not the stork
Who picked her for this part,
But the Lord, and she will serve Him in birth so glad,
Though it's bound to be so hard.

So she came around, and her son was revealed
When she came into the home.
And there her cousin Elizabeth,
She felt John, barely formed.
She felt him, then, leap; she felt his kicks,
For God's own son was known,
And she said, "I don't deserve to be here with one
Who has found grace that He has shown."

That little boy John grew to play his role,
And the Baptist came to pass.
That little boy John came to say to souls
That the Christ had come at last.
His father finally got his “vox”
When he proudly named him John,
And I think they all depended on the Son of God
Who all our sins and griefs has borne.


Good King Saul

(parody of "Good King Wenceslaus" by John M Neale)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this one came out of the same Awana lesson as "We Three Kings of Israel Are," but it focuses on King Saul.

Good King Saul, he started out godly and obeying,
Serving God without a doubt, seeking Him and praying.
Led his people in the fight – bad guys were so cruel.
Then he gave himself to pride; he became a fool.

Bad King Saul, he disobeyed. God withdrew His blessing.
Tried to rule without God’s aid, found his life depressing.
Saw a witch for Samuel’s word; he was filled with horror.
Samuel spoke; here’s what Saul heard: “You’ll be dead tomorrow.”


His Stars & Stripes Forever

(parody of "Stars & Stripes Forever" by John Philip Sousa)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: living near Boston, MA, as I do, it's inevitable that I'll hear the Boston Pops Orchestra playing "Stars and Stripes Forever" every 4th of July. One year, I decided to write some words for it. It's hard to sing because the notes fly by so quickly, but it's also a lot of fun to sing.

Our Lord and Savior will come again some day!

1st portion
The day will come when every eye will watch Him tear apart the eastern sky.
He'll come in clouds with voices loud of archangels who proclaim,
"The Lord is come, your time is done with all of your government (all of your government)!
"See Him come, the righteous One, the bright and morning star!"

The prophecies in days of old were given by the Lord and they foretold
That Christ would bring a holy kingdom — praise to His holy name!
And from the fall, He bought us all with blood and His suffering (blood and His suffering).
We are dust, but if we trust in Him, then redeemed we are.

2nd portion
He's the King of the Kings and Lord of Lords,
Our redeemer and our Messiah.
And the church gladly sings how death's strong cords
Have been torn away to make a way that's higher.

He arose from the dead and rose on high
And our praises are rising to Him.
He will come as He said; the time is nigh
When He brings His own and claims the throne that's due Him.

Chorus
The stars in His hand that He bore, bring the Word to His church ending never.
We know we can find explanation, in 1 verse 20 of Revelation.
The stripes are the scars that He wore, bringing souls to a life that none can sever.
We'll fall at His feet evermore, and we will praise Him for His stars and stripes forever.

Bridge — men start each dashed line, women finish
But, for a time, there is tribulation — nations furiously rage.
Hate for the Son and much temptation — stationed for their sins' own wage.
They will all ignore the Spirit's warning.
They don't want to hear about reborning.
We'll tell the truth, but they are scorning.
Judgment now is forming.
Don't they see the storm that marks creation's final page?

Chorus with soprano counterpoint (the piccolo part) on the dashed lines:
The stars in His hand that He bore, bring the Word to His church ending never.
— Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
— I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.
We know we can find explanation, in 1 verse 20 of Revelation.
— 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved.
— How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed.
The stripes are the scars that He wore, bringing souls to a life that none can sever.
— Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come.
— 'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far and Grace will lead me home.
We'll fall at His feet evermore, and we will praise Him for His stars and stripes forever.
— When we've been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun,
— We've no less days to sing God's praise than when we've first begun.

Bridge — men start each dashed line, women finish
But, 'til He comes, We must be serving — He's deserving of our praise.
Signs of the times we'll be observing — He'll preserve us all our days.
And although the night of earth is falling,
And although the darkness is appalling,
Let us obey the holy calling!
Find the Truth enthralling!
Christ is all in all, so let us follow all His ways.

Chorus
The stars in His hand that He bore, bring the Word to His church ending never.
We know we can find explanation, in 1 verse 20 of Revelation.
The stripes are the scars that He wore, bringing souls to a life that none can sever.
We'll fall at His feet evermore, and we will praise Him for His stars and stripes forever!


The King's March

(parody of "King Cotton" by John Philip Sousa)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this melody first came to my attention as part of the soundtrack for the movie "The Adventures of Milo and Otis." It got into my head, and that's often my cue to start rewriting the words — or, in this case, writing words for a melody that never had words before. Now it's about a much better King. If you want to sing it, either practice your breath control or bring a friend, because there are a lot of words!

verse pattern 1:
The God of glory Who made the earth, the seas and Heavens above,
He made the animals, then made man to show His mercy and love.
But men rebelled, they were expelled, out of the Garden without a pardon,
The day of sin had entered in, and consequences thereof.

He cleared the earth with a mighty flood, but still we wouldn't obey.
With plagues and with the Passover blood, He called the Jews to Yahweh.
At last the time was in its prime, the King came down to a tiny town as
A baby small, born in a stall; the price for sin He would pay.

verse pattern 2:
He came to the Jordan, was baptized, His mission had begun.
He strove with the devil forty days 'til Satan knew who won.
The demons fled, the crowds were fed, He healed the sick and raised the dead,
And it was all to prove that He was truly God the Son.

He taught all the crowds in parables about the holy way.
He never would make decisions without taking time to pray.
He blessed the children, calmed the seas, and showed tough love to Pharisees.
He chose the Twelve, including one who later would betray.

chorus 1:
And all the while, He sought the few who would believe,
Love the Lord and not be hateful.
He healed a band of lepers and they all received,
But only one in ten was grateful.

He found a few just like the man who was born blind,
And Nicodemus ever learning.
But by and large, as He went on, He came to find
The love He gave was not returning.

bridge 1:
But then the crowd said, "Take Him away! We will obey, never!
"Take Him, and crucify! Finish His life, severed!"
But He rose again! Yes, He rose again! Rose again to live forever!

chorus 2:
And now He sits upon His throne at God's right hand,
A-waiting for the day appointed.
And His forgiveness is for all who understand
And place their faith in God's anointed.

bridge 2:
But now the world says, "Take Him away! We will obey, never!
"Cast Him out of our schools, with our new rules! Clever!"
But He'll come again! Soon, He'll come again! Come again to reign forever!

chorus 3:
So let us serve before the Lord and sing our praise, living as a holy nation,
For there will come a mighty day to end all days, when Christ will rule His whole creation!


Rocky Type

(parody of "Rocky Top" by Boudleaux & Felice Bryant)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this was a fun one to write. It's a high-energy bluegrass classic that is now about Simon Peter ("Peter" means "rock," just in case you forgot).

No, I wasn’t born a Rocky-type. I was a fisherman ‘til
Christ said, “Fish for men; the time is ripe. Follow me,” and I will.
Said He’d be betrayed, He had to die. I said, “Forget about that!”
He said, “Satan, won’t you get behind?” My idea fell flat.

Chorus:
“Rocky-type, your name will be,” Jesus said to me.
Plain old Rocky-type, Rocky-type Simon Pete. Rocky-type Simon Pete.

Solo

James and John climbed with this Rocky-type up transfiguration hill.
There, we saw the Lord’s full glory like all the world someday will.
In the storm, I said, “If you’re the Christ, will I need a lifeguard?”
He said, “Come.” I sank, it wasn’t nice. Trusting Him can be hard.

chorus

Solo

Now He’s risen, gives eternal life. Now I am one He has sent
(To) preach the Word so all will turn to life. I’m His witness, amen!

chorus
Rocky-type, yeah, that’s me!


The Seven Days of Creation

(parody of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" (traditional))
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I wrote this to help a friend at church teach creation to her junior-church class of young kids. I never got to teach the hand signs (at the bottom of the page) because I had to play the guitar while I sang, but it's meant to have the hand gestures go along with the song. I confess, this also helps me remember what got created when.

On the first day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
The light so that people could see."

On the second day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
Heaven up above,
And the light so that people could see."

On the third day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
Seas and plants,
Heaven up above,
And the light so that people could see."

On the fourth day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
Sun and moon and stars,
Seas and plants,
Heaven up above,
And the light so that people could see."

On the fifth day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
Birds and swimming things,
Sun and moon and stars, seas and plants, Heaven up above,
And the light so that people could see."

On the sixth day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
Animals and people,
Birds and swimming things,
Sun and moon and stars, seas and plants, Heaven up above,
And the light so that people could see."

On the seventh day of creation, the Lord said, "Let there be
One day of rest,
Animals and people,
Birds and swimming things,
Sun and moon and stars, seas and plants, Heaven up above,
And the light so that people could see."

Hand signs:


The Unjust Judge

(parody of "B-I-N-G-O" (traditional))
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I rewrote this children's song to help illustrate Jesus' parable of the unjust judge in Luke 18. Children love parodies when they recognize the music.

There was a judge we see in Luke
Eighteen and it’s a shame-o.
“Me fear God? No, no!
“Me fear man? Ho ho!
“I fear no one so
“I’m playing my own game-o!”

There was a widow, went to him
For justice and she came-o.
“I have got a foe.
“He’s too strong, and so
“To you I will go
“For help ‘cause he’s to blame-o.”

The judge said, “Though I fear no one,
“I’ll help her with her claim-o.
“She will cause me woe,
“She will never go
“'Til I help her, so
“Her justice, I'll proclaim-o."

The Lord said, “Did you hear the judge?
“And God will do the same-o.
“Faith and patience show.
“Pray and don’t let go.
“He will answer so
“He’ll glorify His name-o!”


The Savior-Man

(parody of "The Wellerman" (traditional))
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this old sea chantey found new popularity in 2020, so I took a whack at rewriting it. The lyrics follow the promises of Messiah throughout Scripture until He finally appeared.

There once was a man in the Garden of E-
Den; you’ll find him in the beginning OT.
But sin came up, he was cast out —
“Your home is fully void. Go!” (Huh!)

Chorus:
Soon may the Savior-man come,
The seed of woman and no man’s son.
One day, when the fighting is done,
He’ll crush the snake we know.

God called out Abraham and swore
He’d have a son and land — much more,
From the Nile to Euphrates’ shore
When great faith that man showed.

Chorus:
Soon may the Savior-man come
To bless all nations when He’s become
God’s way ‘cause He’s Abraham’s son.
His name will be our hope.

Chorus:
Dah-dah da-dah dat-dah.
Dah-dat-dah da-da dah-dat-dah
Dah-dah da-da-dah dat-dah,
Dat-dah dat-dah dat-dahh.

The Pharaoh ordered Hebrew slaughter.
One babe was put in the water.
Then he was saved by Pharaoh’s daughter;
Then she named him Mo (ses).

Chorus:
Soon may the Savior-man come
To free the Israelites, every one.
Once slaves, but their serving is done —
God heard their prayers, you know.

Then Moses came to intercede,
But Pharaoh said he would not concede.
And then God spoke, and He decreed
His power He would show. (Huh!)

Chorus:
Ten plagues were going to come,
From bloody water to firstborn sons.
That day, Pharaoh said he was done —
He let God’s people go.

Chorus:
Dah-dah da-dah dat-dah.
Dah-dat-dah da-da dah-dat-dah
Dah-dah da-da-dah dat-dah,
Dat-dah dat-dah dat-dahh.

For forty years, as God had swore,
They walked and died on the desert floor.
Their children came to the river Jor-
Dan, crossed and found their home.

Chorus:
Soon may the Savior-man come
To bless His people, whate’er they’ve done.
Some say He’ll be David-king’s son
And they’ll call Him Shiloh.

It says in the Word, the fight's still on.
Our guilt's clear-cut, but our sin’s not gone.
The Nazarene saved us from the fall
But the Jews cried “Crucify!” one and all.

Chorus:
They said He wasn’t the one,
But He prayed, “Father, forgive each one,
“For they don’t know what they’ve done.”
He died and then He rose.

Chorus:
God says the Savior-man’s come!
Messiah, Jesus, He's God’s own Son.
Just pray, ‘cause His sufferin’ is done;
He died to free your soul.


Up On the Rooftop

(parody of "Up on the Housetop" by Benjamin Hanby)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: this is a Christmas song that is now about the four men who let their paralyzed friend down through a hole in the roof so Jesus could heal him.

Up on the rooftop, four friends pause. Their friend cannot walk because
He's paralyzed from head to toe, so to the Savior, they will go.

Chorus:
Go, go, go, (to) Jesus they go, 'cause they know, (He) won't say no.
Up on the rooftop, quick, quick, quick, then make a hole 'cause their friend's sick.

Jesus is teaching right out loud. He's surrounded by a crowd.
Friends know that He can heal sick limbs, but they cannot get through to Him.

Chorus:
Go, go, go, (to) Jesus they go, 'cause they know, (He) won't say no.
Up on the rooftop, quick, quick, quick, then make a hole 'cause their friend's sick.

Christ sees their faith and then He grins, "You're forgiven for all your sins."
The Pharisees, they think and moan, "None can forgive but God alone!"

Chorus:
No, no, no! They think they know. Won't say so. Christ knows it, though.
Friends on the roof say, "Quick, quick, quick! Please heal our friend because he's sick."

Christ said, "Which is harder talk, 'You're forgiven' or 'Rise and walk?'
"I can forgive; here's how I'll show. Take up your mat and rise and go!"

Chorus:
Oh, oh, oh! Home he would go. Christ said, though, "I told you so."
This is the point, if you're not thick: Christ can forgive and heal the sick.


We Three Kings of Israel Are

(parody of "We Three Kings" by John H Hopkins)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer
The Story: I cranked this one out for our church's Awana program. It compares the lives of the first three kings of Israel — Saul, David, and Solomon.

We three kings of Israel are.
Yes, our lives are kind of bizarre.
Some were good, and some, they couldn't —
These are our lives so far. Oh-ohh...

Chorus:
Now you wonder, were we bright?
Good or bad, or just all right?
Some believing, some deceiving,
Seeking God or lost in night.

I'm King Saul, I started okay.
Then my pride, it led me astray.
Filled with hatred, hunting David
'Til my dying day.

I'm King David, made a new start.
This man's after God's own heart.
Brave in fighting, doing right
Except the Bathsheba part.

I'm King Solomon, right in God's eyes.
I asked God to make me wise.
When He answered, I took chances
Worshiping gods of lies. Oh-ohh...

Chorus:
Now you wonder, were we bright?
Good or bad, or just all right?
Some believing, some deceiving,
Seeking God or lost in night.