That Don't Impress God Much

(parody of "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain)
New lyrics by Mike Fischer

The Story: I'm not a huge country-music fan, but many people are, and I don't want to leave them out when it's time to sing about the Lord. This song is about people who think they can save themselves by their own efforts.


I've known a few guys who had some truth to impart,
But you've got your religion, learned it by heart.
You're such a theologian, with total recall
Of every Bible story from Creation to Paul.

Oh-woh, think your works are helpful? Oh-woh, you think you'll save yourself?
(Okay, so you're not a Scientologist.)

That don't impress God much.
So you've got the facts, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and Life. That don't impress God much.

I never knew a guy with such cash in his pocket
To give to the church to buy a Heavenly place.
And if you think the Lord needs all your dough, gonna shock ya,
'Cause Heaven forbid you could pay for God's grace.

Oh-woh, think your works are helpful? Oh-woh, you think you'll save yourself?
(Okay, so you gave a gift.)

That don't impress God much.
So you've got the cash, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and Life. That don't impress God much.

You're one of those guys who likes to look squeaky clean.
You make us all think you never committed one sin.
I can't believe you've never been contrite
Or come to Christ to tell him, you need His mercy, right?

Oh-woh, think your works are helpful? Oh-woh, you think you'll save yourself?
(Okay, you're pretty good so far.)

That don't impress God much.
So you've got the deeds, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and Life.

That don't impress God much. Now you've got the truth, but has the Spirit touched you?
Don't get it wrong, you've got to get right.
The only way to Heaven is the Way, Truth and the Life. That don't impress God much.

Okay, so what do you think of Jesus the King?
Whosoever! That don't impress God much!

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